Castles in the Sand by iletudrive

[JRK Archiver]

SUMMARY: Elizabeths world is turned upside down, and Jason wants more than anything to be there for her.

BACKGROUND INFO: This is set in early February, 2001.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 1


~New York~

Lizzie what are you doing here? Dr. Jeff Webber looked up in surprise when someone new walked into the waiting area.

I had to come Dad. When Gram told me that Sarah was in the hospital here, I dropped everything and caught the next shuttle flight up, Elizabeth moved in the room, pausing awkwardly by his chair. She hadnt seen him in almost five years, she didnt know if he would be receptive to a hug, or if she even wanted to hug him.

Jeff stood and briefly pulled her into an embrace. I told Audrey not to tell you. I didnt want you to worry, there wasnt anything you could do.

She paused in unbuttoning pulling off her coat. Of course Im going to worry, dad, Leukemia is serious. I only wish Id known sooner. How is Sarah?

Shes keeping her spirits up, in fact I think shes handling this better than we are, he sat back down.

Elizabeth waited for him to say more, but he kept staring at the Styrofoam coffee cup he was mangling in his hands. How long has she been sick?

Seven months now.

Seven? she repeated in shock. Why didnt anybody tell me anything? I talked to her at Christmas and she never said a word.

She was in remission then, he shrugged. She didnt want to worry you.

Is mom with her?

Yes Claire and Steven are both in with her now, I just needed some time, Audrey is at the hotel.

Okay Ill just wait a bit then, she reached out and picked up a magazine and began to nervously flip through the pages. She hadnt been around her father for five minutes and shed already run out of things to say to him. She wished she could believe it was because she hadnt seen him in five years, but it was more than that. They had never communicated very well. He would yell at her about something she did wrong and she would either ignore him or antagonize him, depending upon her mood. She tried not to let the familiar bitterness take root, this wasnt about her, this was about Sarah. So whats being done for Sarah? Gram mentioned something about a test.

Her best option right now is a bone marrow transplant, he rubbed tiredly at his eyes. He had been here for so long he didnt even know what day it was. Family members, especially siblings are our best hope for a match.

She frowned at that. Then why did you call Gram instead of me?

Jeff looked at her in surprise, he had forgotten who he was talking too. I dont know, it never occurred to me to call you.

Stunned she could only stare at him in shock. You cant think I wouldnt want to help her. My god shes my sister of course I would do whatever I could to help her.

Calm down Lizzie, youre right I should have called.

When can I take the test? she pushed past the hurt to concentrate on the important part, which was helping Sarah.

Jeff got to his feet and crossed to the window. You might not have to. Audrey took the test earlier today, she could be a match.

But you said a sibling had the best chance for a match. That means either Steven or me.

He leaned wearily against the windowpane and watched the snowfall. He was too tired to think up a suitable lie to throw her off the track. He was too terrified that he might lose his daughter to perpetuate the lie he had been keeping for more than 20 years. Steven is a 92% match, were just checking to see if anyone is closer.

So why dont you want me to take the test? she was starting to feel uneasy.

Because I already know you wont be a match, he answered finally keeping his back to her.

Howhow do you know that?

I dont know how to say this, so Ill just say it, he swallowed hard. You are not my biological child, he kept his back to her but he could see her reflected in the window. He watched the color drain from her face, and her put her hand on her stomach like she was in pain. He felt a pang of regret for blindsiding her like that.

Im adopted? It was hard to get the words out to her father, no not her father, to Jeff. She had dreamed about asking him that for years, because a part of her always felt out of place with the Webbers. But she had finally realized that she couldnt be adopted. Because when someone is adopted it meant that that family wanted them, she had never felt wanted by the Webbers.

No youre not adopted.

I dont understand, she ran a hand through her hair. Im not your child. Does that mean mom had an affair? Am I the result of that?

No, Jeff whirled around angrily. Youre mother has never been unfaithful to me. Youre not her biological child either.

Her hands clutched the scarf in her lap and she looked up at him in confusion. Then what?

Ill tell you the story, only Claire and I know the whole story, he sighed and sat back on the couch. Please dont interrupt Lizzie.

She nodded not trusting her voice at the moment.

When we found out Claire was pregnant, we were thrilled. It meant giving up the fellowship to Russia, but we never even gave that a second thought. The baby growing inside of her meant so much more to us then any job. We were living in Greeley, Colorado then, we had this bad ice storm on Halloween, and Claire slipped on the ice. She wasnt due for another five weeks but she went to labor, his eyes got dark, remembering that awful night he almost lost his wife. The fall caused some damage, and she began to hemorrhage. We did an emergency C-section but it was too late to save my son, he died, before he had a chance to live.

Tears were sliding unnoticed down his face. I knew that this would kill her, she wanted the baby so bad. I was trying to find the words to tell her, and I heard an argument in the room next to ours. A woman had just given birth, and was planning on giving her baby up for adoption. The womans mother was with her, she was arguing that she couldnt do that, because the baby was a punishment from God. And she had to keep her punishment, she couldnt abandon it, he shook his head. Some nonsense about being out of wedlock.

He had begun to pick apart the Styrofoam cup again. Elizabeths eyes were locked on the falling white pieces. So little, so white, so clean, so easy to throw away.

I dont know what made me do it. I dont think I even consciously knew what I was going to do when I walked in that room, his voice was reflective. I just knew telling Claire could destroy her, and I couldnt have that. So I offered to take the baby from her. No adoption, no paperwork, just trade my baby boy, he choked on a sob. Who was dead, with her little girl that she didnt want.

She felt her stomach pitch and roll, but she didnt say anything, she just watched Jeff shred more of the cup.

It wasnt that easy though, she wanted money too, he shook his head in disgust.

She sold me? The horror of that made her speak.

$5,000 plus all the hospital expenses. I didnt have a choice. I needed the baby. I worked at the hospital, both deliveries happened late at night, by the same doctor and nursing crew. Only three people knew my boy was dead, and they were willing to look the other way. He had left the hospital not long after that. Even though it was hypocritical of him, their lack of ethics about that bothered him enough that he had to leave.

I attended a hastily prepared memorial service for my son in the morning, and then went to the hospital and picked up Claire and you, and brought you home. She named you Elizabeth, and I was the only one who knew the truth, the only one who grieved for my son, he wiped the tears away. Until Claire found out, I dont remember when, but she did.

My sixth birthday.

What? He looked over at her in surprise.

My 6th birthday, everything changed that day. After that day, she didnt want me to touch her, she didnt want me near her, unshed tears glistened in her eyes, turning them into jewels. I had just gotten out of the hospital after having my appendix out. I remembered thinking that she must be mad at me, because I cried at the hospital. But it was more than that. She never treated me the same again, her hand twisted the scarf tight around her other hand. Before then I was Elizabeth, but shes never called me anything but Lizzie since that day.

Elizabeth was her mothers name, I guess she didnt feel comfortable after, he trailed off. Anyway the operation was how she found out. She discovered your blood type and it didnt match hers, or mine. She confronted me and I told her the truth, and watched her crumple. She began to grieve for her son that day and she still did, she grieved almost to the exclusion of everyone else in her life. He didnt know which decision he regretted more, buying Lizzie or telling Claire the truth.

She didnt want me after she found out, her voice was devoid of emotion.

No she didnt. I wish I could say she got past it, but we both know thats not true, he felt oddly relieved that he didnt have to pretend anymore.

And you never wanted me.

He hesitated and then spoke the truth. Its nothing against you Lizzie, but every time I looked at you, I thought of my son. It was so hard to look at you and see you breathing, living, when all I wanted was my son. So no I didnt want you.

She didnt even feel the pain those words had to cause in her, she was numb. Everything changed after that, moClaire pulled away, you stopped trying, even Steven and Sarah picked up on the fact that I was different. Why did you keep me after she found out?

By then everyone thought you were ours. I would have lost my career, my license, I could have even gone to jail if the circumstances of you coming to live with us became known. Besides where would you go?

So instead you kept me, farming me out to friends and Gram occasionally, but you kept me. And you never let me forget that I was nothing but a mistake, a disappointment to you.

Lizzie dont be like that. We werent monsters, you had a roof over your head, food, clothes, lessons, we gave you everything

Except love, she interrupted him. You gave me everything but your love. And that was the one thing I needed. Instead I got the anger, the disappointment, the regret, even pity, but never love.

He was quiet, because, he had no defense to offer her, he didnt love her.

So only you and Claire know? What about Gram?

No, until today we were the only ones. You wont say anything will you?

She got to her feet, put her scarf on, then her coat, her moves were almost robotic, her mind and heart completely numb.

Are you leaving? he rose as well. He hadnt expected this type of reaction from her. He was grateful that she wasnt making a scene.

Dont you think I better? she looked up and right through him. If I stay someone will wonder why Im not taking the test.

Ill handle that. Ill tell them that you took the test, and you were a 70% match, too low to be used, he smiled in relief. It might be better that you do leave. Sarah shouldnt be upset and you always seemed to fight with her.

She smiled bitterly. You think of everything, she paused in the doorway to the lounge. Not that it matters to you or to Claire, but I dont want to see you again.

He looked at her stiff back and felt remorse. I really am sorry that youre hurt. When I made the decision, I was trying to do what was best for my family.

Youre, her voice broke and she swallowed hard, forcing the tears back. Youre family is waiting for you down the hall. She headed for the elevator and got on, she allowed herself one last look at her father. The man who had bought her, but never wanted or loved her. Her eyes met his and she searched the blue depths for a flicker of feeling for her, even remorse. But they were empty, like they always were when he looked at her, he felt nothing for her, as the doors closed on him, she only wished she could feel the same.

~Studio~

Jason jerked upright on the couch his hand reaching for his gun before he was even fully alert. He listened for the noise that woke him, his eyes jerked to the door when he heard it again. He moved quickly, hurrying to stand behind the door. Someone was trying to get into the studio. He knew Elizabeth was out of town, and Lucky rarely came here, so it had to be someone else. He had thought he was secure here, that no one but Sonny and Elizabeth knew he was here, but maybe not.

He cocked back the hammer of the gun when he heard the scratching by the lock again. He had removed a few of the light bulbs in the corridor for just this reason. So if someone did try to break in, they would have trouble in the dim light and make noise alerting him.

He tensed when he heard the lock give, and the door was slowly pushed open. Whoever it was didnt turn on the light so that further worried him. He waited until the person stepped clear of the door before moving. He stepped forward and slammed the door closed at the same time he pressed the gun to the back of the guys head. Dont move, he ordered. Drop the bag and raise your arms.

Moonlight was streaming in through the windows. He could tell that the person was small, but with the coat and the hat on his head, he couldnt make out much more. He knew not to be misled by a persons size, and kept the gun trained on him. Drop it.

Are you going to shoot me?

Elizabeth? Jason recognized her voice and reached over and turned on the light switch the same time she turned to face him.

So are you going to shoot me?

What? He realized then that he still had the gun pointed at her and quickly lowered his hand. Im sorry, I thought you were out of town. Im sorry if I frightened you.

You didnt.

He frowned when he heard her voice, he had never heard her sound so remote and listless before. He studied her in the fluorescent light, her eyes were dulled, and she had no color in her face, since it was about 20 degrees outside that worried him. Are you okay?

She mutely shook her head and took off her hat and scarf, dropping them on the table. Im fine, she began to unbutton her coat.

Why are you here. I thought you were going to New York.

You dont want me either? her hands froze on the coat. Why doesnt anybody want me?

He heard the pain in her voice and moved closer. Thats not what I said.

I can leave, she blazed to life suddenly. People leave me behind all the time, so this time Ill just leave them. Maybe it will be good to be the person leaving for a change instead of the person left behind, she started to button her coat as the words started to spill out faster and faster. I mean you left me, twice, Lucky left, he was dead, but he was still gone, my parents she trailed off. No everyone leaves, but this time Ill go first.

Before she could take more than a step towards the door, he moved in front of her stopping her in her tracks. What happened?

No, she backed off before he could touch her. You got that wrong. The right question is whats wrong with me. What do I do that is so bad that no one wants me? What could I have done as a baby to make them not want to look at me? What did I do as a six year to kill the love overnight? Her breath began coming in pants, and a few tears refused to be held back any longer. Why Jason? Am I that horrible? Am I that unlovable? Whats wrong with me?

Theres nothing wrong with you, Jason cut off her words.

There has to be, she began to shake and brushed at the tears that slipped past. She was starting to lose control and she didnt want that.

He reached out to steady her and she backed away from him. Her eyes were alive, blazing in desperation. He had never seen her like this before and it worried him. He tucked the gun near the small of his back, in his sweats and cautiously reached out to her again. Did someone hurt you Elizabeth?

Hurt me? she snorted then laughed. For me to be hurt means that someone would have to care enough about me to cause me hurt, they dont so Im not hurt.

He could see that wasnt true but let it go. Did something happen to your sister or your parents?

Dont call them that, she yelled. They are not my parents. Sarah is not my sister, Im nothing to them, the tears started falling harder. Ive been nothing to them for years, and now I know why, so they are nothing to me now too. The tears and the pain in her voice showed that statement to be false. You were sleeping, she frowned at his sweats and long sleeved T-shirt. I should go, I shouldnt be here. Forget I ever came.

Youre not going anywhere when youre this upset, he blocked the door again.

I want to leave. She had to leave, she could feel herself breaking. The longer she stood still the closer she came, she needed to move, she didnt want to fall apart in front of him.

Elizabeth, I just want you to calm down first. You dont have to talk to me, just sit down and relax for awhile, he lowered his voice trying to soother her. Her movements were becoming agitated again. He saw her eyes slide past him to the door.

No.

He saw her eyes change a split second before she moved and it was enough warning, for him to block her flight to the door. But she surprised him, instead of stopping she shoved at his chest, trying to get by him.

Let me go, her arms flailed wildly when he tried to hold her, and shoved him back into the door. She turned off the light switch during her continued struggles but neither noticed. She didnt even notice when her tears turned to sobs. Let me go.

Jason was trying to subdue her without hurting her, or letting her hurt herself. He caught her arms by the elbows in a loose but strong hold that she couldnt break. He heard her sobs and they broke his heart. Her struggles slowed and he cautiously changed his grip, moving his hands down her arms. The words she had been saying had changed into one word, Why? and finally she couldnt even say that anymore. She sagged heavily against him and he caught her before she could slide to the floor.

He picked her up and carried her to the couch, she was so light and at the moment boneless in his arms. Her shaking and tears continued and she didnt even try to fight them anymore. He lowered her to the couch and it registered for the first time how hard she was shaking. He realized then that her coat was soaked and she wasnt even wearing her gloves. He wondered how long she had been out in the snow before she had made her way inside.

She had buried her face in the back of the couch and didnt seem to notice when he crouched in front of her and pulled off her dripping boots. She curled her feet under her as soon as they were off, and he went to work on freeing her coat.

His first priority was in getting her warm and calm, and then he would find out who had hurt her, and deal with them. He pulled her forward slightly to work the damp coat off of her shoulders, and she moved where he put her like she was a rag doll. Whatever fire, had been driving her seemed to be spent at least for now.

He moved towards the heater and spread her coat on the floor to dry before turning up the heat for her. The cold didnt bother him but he knew she would be feeling it. He turned to look at her on the couch, she had shifted so her face was buried in the back cushions again, she was shivering but he could tell that she had stopped crying.

Elizabeth, he crouched in front of her. Please look at me, he took her hand and it felt like ice in his. Please.

She finally did and her sad eyes almost did him in. Even in the moonlight the loss, pain and devastation were visible in her eyes. I need you to put these on, he held out some clothes to her.

She looked down at the clothes but made no move to take them.

Please.

She sighed and brought her hands up to her shirt trying to unbutton it, but the cold had numbed her hands to the point where she couldnt grasp the buttons.

Will you let me? He asked after watching her struggle for a minute longer. He didnt want to scare her by just doing it for her, without her permission. You need to get in some dry clothes.

Her hands froze and she looked at him for a long time, before lowering her hands and nodding.

He dropped the clothes on her lap and reached for the top button, undoing it easily, then he moved to the next one. He felt her eyes on him, watching him, and he looked up from his hands to meet her gaze while he undid the button.

The moonlight slanted over her alabaster skin, exposing it in some places, and hiding her features in other places. Her eyes were visible and yet her mouth was not. His hand moved to the next button and he felt the swell of her breasts under the edge of his fingers.

Her eyes flickered at the contact but other than that she showed no response. He had to admit that he had thought about undressing her before, but never for this reason. He moved to the next button, keeping his eyes on her, even though he was tempted to look, he respected her enough not to. Her shivering had stopped, and he tried not to read too much into that. He reached for the next button and came up empty, frowning he glanced down automatically, seeing the smooth, creamy skin of her stomach, he quickly averted his eyes. Thats the last one.

He turned away from her and moved over to the sink, picking up a water bottle and taking a long drink, that had been harder than he thought it would be. He had been attracted to her for months now. These last few weeks staying here in her studio, only caused the attraction to grow. He knew her well enough to know that the attraction wasnt one sided either. But attraction or not, she was with Lucky, and she didnt seem to be willing to let him go, so he had to respect that, and keep his distance.

It had been getting harder and harder to back off from her. He could see she wasnt happy, but she wasnt ready to admit it yet. Their friendship had progressed to the point of casual touching and hugs, the only thing was those hugs seemed to last longer and longer lately. And when they did happen to touch, both of them seemed to freeze for a minute. Undressing her tonight wasnt going to make his life any easier.

He heard her moving behind him and frowned down at the flight bag, she had dropped by the door. What was or wasnt going on between them didnt matter right now. Whatever had happened to make her so upset was the important thing. Something had happened to push her beyond her breaking point and he didnt like that. He wanted to know what was wrong so he could help her get through it if he could, if she would let him.

Im finished.

He turned around and saw her standing by the couch, she seemed to be drowning in his black sweatshirt, and shorts, but at least she was dry. He grabbed another water bottle, and the Kleenex box off the table then moved back to the couch.

She saw the Kleenex box in his hand and gave a slight smile. Being a boy scout again Jason?

What?

Their motto was to always be prepared. Thats how you strike me. Youre someone who is always prepared for anything, she dropped back on the couch. I wish I could be like that. Then nothing could blindside me.

I dont think anyone is prepared for everything, he set the water and Kleenexes on the floor, then covered her with the blanket, before sitting beside her. I know Im not.

Youre more prepared then me, and you certainly handle things better than I do, she moved so she was facing him, her elbow resting on the back of the couch. Youre able to turn your feelings off some times, I wish I knew how to do that. Will you show me how?

Thats not how you deal with things, you show what you feel. Just because I dont show it, doesnt mean I dont feel things, he automatically tucked the blanket more securely around her.

I know that. I know that you care more for the family that you made then most people care for the family they were born into. She had only meant to agree with him but her words set off memories of earlier tonight. You once told me that for awhile you didnt care about anyone not even yourself. Do you ever wish you could be like that again?

He shifted so he was facing her, one knee bent, one foot off the floor. No.

But if you were like that, no one could hurt you ever again. Things Sonny or Carly do wouldnt matter. Doesnt that appeal to you?

No for that to work I would have to give them up, give up everyone I care about, Sonny, Carly, Emily, Michael, Monica, he paused. I would have to give you up too, and that doesnt hold any appeal to me.

Then you are truly unique because most people have no problems giving me up, she said bitterly.

Are you ready to tell me what happened?

What happened shouldnt matter, the whole flight home I kept telling myself that it didnt matter. That what had happened only confirmed something I had known for years. Something I had even daydreamed about happening over and over again, she smiled. When I had those daydreams I was happy at the idea, her smile faded. But tonight when the idea turned real all I felt was pain.

He reached over and took her hand in his, it was still cold, so he clasped both his hands over it, and rubbed her hand trying to warm it.

She watched his actions in fascination. I never expected to feel so empty, to feel the loss. After all I hadnt seen my family in years, and in truth they had never been mine to lose.

But tonight listening to my fath to Jeff talk, I didnt feel happy. I felt numb, and when I wasnt careful I felt pain, she gave him her other hand when he held out his hand for it. Why do you think that is Jason? Why do we fight so hard for something we think we want and when we finally get it we realize that we dont really want it after all?

I dont know. Sometimes the ideal of a dream means more to us then the reality of the dream.

Well I got a big dose of reality tonight, she shook her head. Too much if you ask me.

Did something happen with your sister?

I never even saw Sarah, I never even got past the waiting room and Jeff. I borrowed your money to fly up there for nothing Jason. They didnt need me there, they didnt want me there, she frowned as she thought of something. Ill pay you back when I can.

I dont care about the money, he waved her concerns off. I care about you and whatever has you so upset.

She cocked her head and studied him in the moonlight. You really mean that dont you? You really do care about me.

More than you know. For once he let how much he did care show in his eyes.

She felt a shiver dance down her spine at those words, and a feeling of warmth spread outward from her stomach. She knew he didnt lie, so those words coming from his heart seemed to warm her soul, which had been frozen. I found out tonight that Im not really a Webber, it was easier then she thought to say the words to him.

You were adopted?

No I was bought and sold, or is that sold and bought, she shrugged. Anyway I was the bargain baby, I was the substitute that it turns out nobody really wanted.

He hated to hear her dismiss herself like that. You are wanted, here, now.

Maybe, but I wasnt then. I dont know if you can relate because I know you dont remember your childhood, but with the Webbers I was never good enough. If I got a B why wasnt it an A, if I got an A, why couldnt I get an A+? Why was I late? Why was I sloppy? Why couldnt I get along with everybody else? Why couldnt I be more like Sarah? God I must have heard that one a million times, her hand traced circles on the blanket, as she remembered the litany of complaints in her head. Now I know why I never measured up, because in reality I was never a Webber, so I had a big strike against me from the beginning.

The Webbers sounded like bastards. He wondered how it was they couldnt appreciate Elizabeth for the beautiful person she was.

Apparently the baby my parents were going to have died and Jeff decided to buy another baby, rather than disappoint Claire with that fact. So baby boy Webber became baby girl Webber, and the lies began, she had begun to cry again, but these tears were silent and all the more heartbreaking. I was a blue light special, only $5,000 and 20 years of grief. My how he must have regretted that decision.

Dont put yourself down, he snapped angrily.

But Jason that is one thing I did learn how to do from the Webbers, and I learned it very well. My first lesson came the day I turned six, until then I had been the baby of the family, a spoiled little princess, at least by my mom, and brother and sister. I was little Elizabeth, the apple of my moms eyes. At least I was when I woke up on my birthday, she clutched the blanket to her chest, fighting the memories of that horrible day. By the end of the day I had become Lizzie, Lizzie the terrible, Lizzie the child who could do nothing right. The child whose biggest mistake was in being born, she laughed bitterly. I didnt know that until tonight, that my biggest sin was in being alive while their beloved son was dead. I just though I was bad.

He reached over and brushed the tears from her cheeks. That was their problem not yours. You didnt do anything wrong.

Did you love Michael right away, even though he wasnt yours did you love him? she pulled his hand from her face and leaned closer to him. Did you?

Yes. I wasnt aware how easy it was to love someone, until I saw his face, he could still remember seeing that tiny face looking at him from behind the glass in the incubator. I saw him and I knew that I would die for him.

I guess I dont have that kind of face, the tears started falling harder. Because Jeff took one look at my face and hated it because I wasnt his son. And Claire loved my face for six years, until she found out I wasnt hers, and then she hated it too. I must have a bad face, she buried her face into the cushions again.

Jason shifted and lifted her so she was on his lap, she struggled for a minute before giving in and burying her face in his neck. He wrapped the blanket more securely around her and held her while she cried for the loss of her family.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 2


~Park~

Elizabeth was cold, she couldnt remember ever being so cold. The air that was escaping her mouth seemed to freeze as soon as it left. She huddled in her thin coat and kept walking. It was so dark it was difficult to see where she was going, but she felt compelled to move.

The snow crunched under her red shoes and she trudged on, her heel caught an edge of ice and she felt herself begin to fall. She tried to catch herself but couldnt, stunned she laid on the frozen ground and tried to catch her breath. She moved to her knees and tried to get to her feet, but kept sliding back to the ground.

She looked up when she heard voices coming towards her. She peered through the fog until she could make out the fountain and then the people walking by it. She called out when she recognized her brother and sister. Sarah, Steven, can you help me?

So then I told him, that I didnt date married men, and he was like your loss. Sarah shrugged. Sometimes I just dont understand men.

And you never will, because you little sister, are controlled by your brain, while men are controlled by their glands. Steven explained draping an arm over her shoulder.

Sarah. Elizabeth scrambled back to her knees. Help me.

Do you think theres a pill for that? Sarah asked slipping her arm around his waist.

I hope not. Steven replied with a smirk. I really hope not.

Steven. Sarah tried to sound stern but the smile on her face gave her away.

Help me. She didnt understand why they werent hearing her. You guys. But they walked past her without even looking in her direction.

Elizabeth sank back down on the ice, the dampness of the ice was seeping in through the thin material of her red dress, chilling her even more. She tried to push her way to her feet, but again she fell, landing hard on her side.

Be careful Claire. Theres ice along here, I would hate for you to slip.

Elizabeth looked up when she heard the voice. Daddy?

Honestly Jeff sometimes you treat me like Im made of glass. Claire wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck.

Not glass, but you are precious to me. Jeff kept his hand on her back to guide her.

Mom, help me. Elizabeth shifted to her knees. I cant get my feet, I keep falling.

How about we go back to the hotel, order some cognac from room service, and curl up by the fire? Claire nuzzled Jeffs neck.

You my beautiful wife have a date. Jeff kissed her and they disappeared in the fog.

Daddy. She called after them. Why wouldnt they help her? She saw some snow about five feet away near the fountain and tried to crawl towards it, but it was hard to find traction on the smooth clear surface of the ice.

Nikolas I dont know what youre talking about. That was a great movie.

Emily. Elizabeth gasped the name and her head whipped up looking for her friend. She smiled in relief when she spotted her and Nikolas. They would help her.

How can you say that? The whole plot seemed to revolve around a guy crashing into a tree. I cant believe I rented it. Nikolas shook his head.

Dont go all princely on me Nikolas. I heard you laugh, Emily accused him with a laugh. And dont try to deny it.

Nikolas can you help me up? It was getting harder and harder for her to speak.

Once maybe. Nikolas conceded.

Please help me.

Admit it Emily the only reason you liked the movie so much is because that guy spent most of the film in a loincloth.

"It was a buttflap." Emily giggled. Im not answering that.

Elizabeth curled on her side when they disappeared. She was so tired, it was hard to keep her eyes open.

Im on my way to the hospital now Bobbie.

Gram. Hope surged through her and she fought her way to her knees again and watched her Grandmother draw closer. Gram help.

Im almost there. Audrey spoke briskly in her phone. No I didnt drive. I dont like driving on ice. A neighbor was coming this way, and he dropped me at the park. Im taking the shortcut now.

Gram. Elizabeth screamed her name when Audrey walked past her. She held her breath when Audrey stopped walking and looked around the park. Help me.

Audrey began to walk again. I can see the hospital now.

Elizabeth stared after her long after she disappeared. Her shaking intensified and the tears slipped down her face.

Im telling you cowboy, this horse was so sweet. I swear she could have run around the track backwards and still won the roses.

Elizabeth turned her head and focused on Luke and Lucky Spencer who were heading in her direction. The coldness seemed to be wrapping its tight fist around her heart now. It was hard for her to drum up the energy to call out. Lucky. She finally managed to say his name.

Dad you always say that, but your horse never seems to win. Lucky waved his hand at the smoke Luke blew in his direction. I thought you quit.

Bite your tongue. Luke snapped and patted his breast pocket. When I die these are going in the coffin with me.

Luke will you help me please?

You know moms never going to let you back in the house as long as you keep lighting those. Lucky slipped on the ice and fell to his knees right in front of Elizabeth.

She reached out a hand to him. Help me Lucky.

Take it easy there cowboy. Luke pulled his son to his feet. Did you forget the Spencer moves again?

Defeated Elizabeth shifted from her knees and sat on the ice, she didnt even feel the cold anymore. She wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her face in her thighs and began to rock. She was so tired. She was beginning to wonder why she was even trying to get up. It would make more sense for her to just stay where she was.

She didnt know how long she sat there, but she finally moved again when she heard something familiar. It was the sound of a motorcycle and it was getting closer. Somewhere deep inside her a tiny flicker of hope came to life within her. The motorcycle roared to a stop, the sound of the engine echoed in the fog, then it was switched off. She turned in direction the sound came from when she heard the familiar sound of boots moving closer to her.

Jason materialized out of the fog and a smile broke across her face when she saw him. She knew that he would help her. That he would hear her, he always heard her. He would get her away from this awful place and its horrible memories. Jason. His name was barely audible but he seemed to hear it because he stopped.

Whos there? His blue eyes roved the park looking for the source.

Jason its me Elizabeth. Help me. One last time she fought her way to her knees. It was so hard for her to move, her muscles were weighted down, locking her to the ice.

Jason began to walk again.

He was leaving. He was leaving just like everyone else had left. Tears fell from her eyes freezing to her cheeks, he couldnt leave her. Jason please.

He stopped on the fringe of her vision, by the fountain, just a few inches from the waiting fog.

Please dont leave me. She begged him. If he left she would be all alone, she didnt want to be alone. Please Jason.

Jason turned around and searched the park again. Her insides warmed briefly when his eyes fell on her and hesitated for a second before moving on again. With a shrug he turned around and disappeared in the fog, leaving her in the cold.

No! Her scream echoed in the studio and she jerked upright on the couch. Jason no.

Jason was awakened by her scream, the gun was in his hand and he was on his feet, his eyes searching the dark room, before she even said his name. Realizing they were alone he tucked the gun back under the pillow on the floor, where he had been sleeping and sat on the couch. Elizabeth.

Come back please, Jason. Caught up in the memory of the dream, she didnt even realize she was awake.

Im right here. Jason touched her face trying to catch her attention. Her skin was hot to the touch, but she was still shivering. Im right here Elizabeth, it was only a dream.

Her name coming from his mouth caught her attention and she focused on him. Images of the fog and the park faded away until the dim light of the studio came into focus. Her breath stuttered and then caught in her throat, when his features came into view. He was still here. Jason?

He could see the doubt and confusion in her eyes and knew the dream had been a bad one for her. He brought her hand up to his face and pressed it to his cheek. Im right here.

Solid, his face was warm and solid. He was here, she shifted and wrapped her arms around his neck trying to fight the feeling of aloneness that she seemed to be drowning in. She shivered again and tried to move even closer.

Its okay. He kept his voice low and rubbed his hand over her back, to soothe and warm her. He glanced at the clock on the windowsill. She had been asleep for a little over an hour. He had let her cry herself to sleep in his arms, hed been amazed that anyone could be in that much pain. When she finally fell asleep, hed eased her down on the couch, covered her up and laid on the floor next to her. He had been hoping that the sleep would be deep enough that she would have some peace. But apparently that wasnt what had happened. Her shudders had lessened and he whispered in the dark. Do you want to tell me about it?

She shifted her arms, and moved them around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder looking away from him. Jasons hand kept rubbing her back and she was glad. I guess it was only a dream. I knew that but I couldnt get out of it.

He didnt dream. He never had, one of those quirks of the accident had taken that ability from him, and he was relieved that he didnt. Fears and doubts that you were able to hold off during the day seemed to follow people when they slept. Robin used to have dreams, nightmares really, especially towards the end of their relationship. They were about him being killed. A part of him always felt like he was hurting her, because it was her fear for him that caused the dreams.

Finally he had realized that everyone had those sorts of dreams. Carly had them about Michael all the time. Sonny used to be haunted by Lily and then Brenda. He was glad he wasnt haunted like that. Tell me about it.

Elizabeth was quiet so long that he wondered if she would answer him. When she did start to speak her voice was soft and hard for him to hear.

I was in the park, near the old fountain. I hate that spot. Thats where it happened, where my life changed, where a part of me died. Her ear was over his heart and the steady beat of it was soothing to her. Ive been there since then, but Ive never felt comfortable there. I was even wearing a red dress. Her smile was bitter. Ive never bought a red dress after that night.

He was quiet, knowing better then to interrupt. This was one of the few times that she had discussed the rape. The first night theyd begun to talk, she had told him about it. He had been surprised that she would mention it, although he had already known. Emily had told him when Tom Baker had been arrested. He was used to the ugliness that men could do. But the brutality that Baker had done to her, when she was just an innocent girl, still made his blood boil. He knew exactly how much time Baker had left on his sentence, and he still planned on paying him a visit when he got out, both for what he had done to Emily and to Elizabeth.

Maybe its because its almost Valentines Day. I dont know. I didnt think I was thinking about it, but I must have been. She shrugged and moved on. I slipped on the ice and for some reason I couldnt get up. I remember the cold. She shivered. It was so cold.

When she shivered he tightened his hold on her.

But what was so bad, was no one would help me. People kept going by and I would call for help but they didnt stop. They left me on the ground. First it was Sarah and Steven, then it was my parents, even Emily and Nikolas didnt hear me. She pulled away and leaned back against the couch.

It was a dream. You know they would never walk away from you.

I guess. She looked down at her hands and when they began to shake she hid them in the sleeves of her sweatshirt. But when Gram went by and then Luke and Lucky, and none of them heard me. It was hard to hold on.

It wasnt hard for him to understand what her dream was about. She had mentioned it earlier. She was afraid of being left.

I was giving up, until I heard a motorcycle, and I hoped it was you. Her smile was just a flash of white in the dim light. I just knew youd help me and I called to you and you stopped. You stopped for a minute, but then you left me too.

I wouldnt leave you like that. He touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. You know that dont you?

Her eyes slid away and she shrugged wrapping her arms around her waist, trying to warm herself.

Elizabeth I know youve had a rough night but you have to know that I wouldnt walk away from you.

She didnt answer, she didnt want to think, she just wanted to hide. But she was never able to ignore his voice, and even as cold and alone as she felt, she couldnt do it now. You say that and I want to believe you. But youve left before.

He couldnt argue with that, as much as he wanted to, she was right. He couldnt change the past, but he could help her now. Im not going anywhere now Elizabeth. I promise Im not.

Dont Jason. She shook her head and touched his face. Youve never lied to me, dont start now.

Im not lying. He pulled her hand from his face. Im telling you the truth.

I cant let myself believe you. She pulled her hand from his and hid it in the sleeves of her shirt again. I dont feel like I can believe anybody anymore.

Dont shut down on me. Sonny did that to him and he hated it. He didnt like to think of her doing that. She didnt close off, she felt too much, to let it be bottled up.

Poor Jason. You really walked into tonight didnt you? She hugged him again. He felt so warm, so strong, and she just couldnt seem to get close enough. She turned her face into his neck, and then raised her head slightly so it rested on his cheek. The light stubble on his cheek felt rough against her skin, but she liked the feel of it. His scent seemed to invade her senses, it was so strong, so male, it was irresistible.

She pulled away slightly, remaining close enough to him that she could see his eyes in the dim light. She didnt even think about it, she just gave into the need she had been feeling for months and kissed him.

If a need to taste him drove her to kiss him, it was nothing compared to the need the taste of him awoke inside of her. An unfamiliar churning need kicked to life somewhere deep inside of her. There was no hesitation as her arms locked more securely around his neck pulling him closer. Eager for more her lips parted in a silent request to deepen the kiss.

Jason was surprised at her action, yet couldnt help but respond. He had wanted this so badly for months that it was difficult to stop when she offered. He took her unspoken invitation and deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding inside of her mouth, to taste, to tease, to learn. She moaned against his mouth and laid back on the couch, bringing him with her, so his weight was pressing her into the couch.

He was so warm, he was filling her with just his touch, his mouth was taking her to a place she had never been, a place where only they existed. She didnt have to think, she didnt have to be alone, he would block everything out. Her hand slipped beneath her shirt seeking his skin.

Her cold hand on his chest, brought him back to reality and reluctantly broke the kiss. Elizabeth we cant. The rest of his words were lost when she pulled his mouth back to hers.

Desperation was driving her. As long as he was touching her she didnt have to function. His body was like a furnace, and it encompassed her, making her warm for the first time all night.

Elizabeth. He broke the kiss and caught her hands when she reached for him again. We cant do this. Not like this.

Her eyes filled and she blinked hard to fight them back and sat up. Dont you want me? She couldnt help the tremor in her voice.

Dont ever think that. He leaned closer until he could see her eyes. I once promised that I would never hurt you. If I dont stop now I will.

But I dont want you to stop. Her mouth sought his out again.

He began to give into the kiss, the temptation to lose himself in her was overwhelming, but he knew that if anything were to ever develop between them, it couldnt start in desperation, when she wasnt thinking, only reacting. He pulled away from her kiss and got to his feet to put as much distance between him, and the temptation she presented, as he could. When he could control his voice he spoke. We wont start like this. The unspoken statement of starting another way hung in the air.

She stared at his back, she could see the tense outline of it illuminated by the window. From the way he was holding himself, she knew that his restraint was costing him. She shivered again, this time in reaction to the feel of him, she could still feel the imprint of his lips on hers. A part of her hoped that it would never fade, that the brand of Jason would remain there forever.

But another part of her was relieved that he had stopped her moment of madness, because she knew, she wouldnt have stopped. Doubt and uneasiness replaced the desire inside of her. Im sorry.

I dont want you to be sorry. He scrubbed hard at his face before turning to face her. Even though he couldnt make out her face clearly, he had no doubt she was chewing on her bottom lip. Your reeling here Elizabeth. You had a shock and your trying to deal with it.

Jason was wrong she wasnt trying to deal with it, she didnt want to deal with it at all. Thats why she had turned to him so she wouldnt have too. Shame replaced the doubt and it burned inside of her. I can go. She held her breath and waited for his reply. She didnt want to leave, although it would probably be better for her, and their friendship if she did go. But she felt safe in the studio, with him, and she didnt want to leave.

I wont stop you if you want to leave. But I hope you dont. Nothing that has happened, or will ever happen between us, is ever going to change the fact that were friends. He moved closer and crouched by the couch. That were more then friends.

I dont want to depend on you too much. I dont want to depend on anyone to much anymore. When he reached for her hand, she hid it in the sweatshirt again and shivered. I have to depend on myself.

Jason saw her shiver and automatically tightened the blanket more securely around her. Theres a difference between depending on someone to help you through the bad times, and depending on someone take care of things for you. I dont want to take care of this for you. I couldnt if I tried. I just want to be there for you, like youve been here for me.

She sighed and curled on her side on the couch, drawing the blanket up to her chin. Night Jason.

Goodnight Elizabeth. He pulled an afghan from the back of the couch and put it on top of her, then laid back down on the floor. He laid there a long time, his eyes open in the dark, listening, waiting for her breathing to settle, to make sure there were no more dreams for her tonight.

He couldnt help but replay the last few hours in his mind. He was glad that she had come to him, but he hated that she was hurt. He knew she wasnt close to her family, but unlike him and the Quartermaines that fact bothered her. The loss of them was going to be hard for her to face, he only hoped she would let him be there for her.

Jason Im glad youre here.

Her mumbled statement caught him off-guard and he looked at her, but sleep had claimed her again. He closed his mind, and willed his body to sleep, but he couldnt seem to help the smile on his face while he did so.

~*~

Heat. It seemed to be all around her. The only part of her that wasnt warm was her nose. She groaned and pulled the covers over her head, her hand brushed her nose and it was cold to the touch. She tried to flop on her back and came up short when she hit something hard. That forced her eyes open, and she studied the inside of the blanket. Why was she on a couch?

Are you awake?

Jason? Elizabeth recognized his voice and pulled the blanket down so she could look for him. He was standing at the foot of the couch, his back was to the windows, and sunlight streamed through the painted glass, showing off the blonde highlights in his hair. She dimly registered the black shirt that he was wearing as the one she had bought him for Christmas two years ago.

I was wondering when you would wake up. Actually he had been worried, even tempted to wake her up. She hadnt moved from the spot that she had fallen asleep in. She had been so still and quiet that it worried him.

What time is it? She sat up slowly, trying to work the kinks out of her shoulders. Her muscles felt so tight, like she had been locked in one place. She gingerly uncurled her legs, bracing herself for the sharp tingles that movement produced in her.

Its almost 1:00.

1:00 in the afternoon? Her eyes went wide. She hadnt slept past noon in years. Ow. She yelped when the leg cramp hit her and she jackknifed on the couch. Damn.

Whats wrong? Jason was beside her in a flash.

Help. She grabbed his hand and used it to leverage her way to her feet. Cramp. She leaned against him and tried to walk it out, but neither leg seemed to want to support her at the moment. Goddamn I hate leg cramps.

You probably shouldnt curl in a ball for 9 hours without moving then. He took her weight easily, putting her arm around his waist and supporting her while she walked.

Nag. The ball of fire was gradually lessening in her calf, but she still had tears in her eyes. The studio was drafty and the cold wind slipped through the cracks of the window and she felt the coldness on her bare legs, and couldnt help but shiver.

Cold?

A little, Im not exactly dressed for winter in this place. She turned with him and sat wearily on the couch, bringing her right leg up to rub at the tiny tension ball that was still in her calf.

Let me. He dropped down at the end of the couch, brushing her hands away to work at the knot himself.

His hands were warm and so much stronger then hers, and they felt good on her skin. She wondered why she didnt feel uneasy with him touching her. She felt warm all of a sudden, warm and nervous, she stared at his hands. They were so large and still had a trace of the tan that hed brought to town with him. His hands were dark next to her pale legs, but they looked like they belonged there.

Better?

His question forced her to focus on him and he could see a hint of desire in her eyes. He watched the desire fade only to be replaced by hurt, and he realized she was remembering. She shifted, forcing him to drop his hands, and brought her knees up close to her chest.

It wasnt a dream was it? She asked softly. I really dont have a family anymore do I?

It wasnt a dream. As for the family thats up to you.

Nothings up to me Jason. Havent you been paying attention? I have no control.

The sarcasm was so unlike her that it stung him. Dont make this your fault.

Who else can I blame? Im the one that didnt measure up to the Webber standards. Im the one that no one could love even when I was a child. Im the one Her voice trailed off.

He watched the color flood her face and knew that she had remembered everything even before she spoke.

Oh God. She covered her mouth in shock.

Dont apologize.

How can I not? She demanded. God Jason what must you think of me? How could she have done that to him? She had attacked him. Mortification sunk in as she remembered the way he kept trying to pull away from her.

Elizabeth dont. He could all but see the wheels turning in her head, and her sudden refusal to look at him, made him proceed cautiously.

The only thing I can say was I wasnt myself. She stared at a spot on the windowpane, where the paint had rubbed off and the sun shone through. She kept her focus there while she tried to explain her actions. I wasnt thinking, I was just feeling and I didnt want to do that either, at least not like that. And you were here she groaned. I didnt mean that the way it sounded.

Elizabeth stop. He cut off her ramblings by touching her hands. You dont have to explain yourself to me. I told you last night that we were friends no matter what.

She forced herself to meet his eyes, and it wasnt as hard as she thought it would be. Especially when all she saw in his eyes was concern for her, not the pity or embarrassment that she had feared. Can we not mention this again then?

If thats what you want. He hated knowing that she regretted the kiss. He only regretted the circumstances that led up to the kiss, not the kiss itself.

Im going to get cleaned up and change. Elizabeth got to her feet and moved to her flight bag. When she picked it up she realized that she had clothes to change into last night but had chosen to wear his instead. Unnerved she hurried for the door. Ill be back.

~*~

Morgan.

Jason its me. Im on my way. Sonny Corinthos kept his eye on the window while he spoke to his friend.

Okay whos coming with you? Jason moved back to the window and peered down at the Corinthos/Morgan warehouse that was visible in the distance.

No one. Sonny turned and frowned at the door and the man he knew was just on the other side of it. Johnnys not happy but hell stay back.

He didnt like it either but it made sense. How long? He looked up when the door opened and Elizabeth walked in. She had tried to use makeup to disguise it, but he could tell that she had been crying. She raised her eyebrows in question and hesitated in the doorway. He gestured for her to come in.

10 minutes. Sonny replied.

Okay Ill be ready. He closed the phone and kept his eyes on her.

The hunter green turtleneck sweater she was wearing should have highlighted her normal fair complexion, but instead it only heightened the paleness of her face. I need a favor.

Elizabeth looked up from the sweatshirt she was folding. You know Ill help you anyway I can. She was relieved that he was willing to ask her for a favor. After the way she had fallen apart on him, she wouldnt blame him if he never relied on her for anything ever again.

I need you to leave. Now.

Her mouth dropped open in surprise and hurt, before it registered on her how he was standing. He was tense and he kept glancing out the window. His wanting her to leave had nothing to do with her.

Jason suddenly realized how that must have sounded and focused on her again to explain.

Something terrible is about to happen isnt it? She set the sweatshirt down and crossed to his side.

No. He tried to reassure her.

Then why do you want me to leave? She focused on the window, but other then a few people on the docks she didnt seen anything.

Look this wont take long, he touched her shoulder. I just need you to leave for a little while.

Suddenly whatever pain she had been feeling didnt matter anymore, her concern for him was the only thing that mattered. Jason I found you bleeding in the snow, practically dead.

He dropped his hand. Elizabeth dont think about that now.

How can I not? She demanded. I know theres a reason that youre here. That no one can know that youre here. And now you want me to leave you just like that? What if someones about to break down this door?

They arent. Jason pinched his nose in frustration. He had forgotten how stubborn she could be. Look this isnt about you.

I know that. Im not worried about myself, she took his hands. Im worried about you. Theres good reason for me to be. Sonny was gunned down in front of the police station, Emily was almost killed as well. She saw his eyes goes cold. Im not helping am I?

He squeezed her hands. You can help me by leaving.

Is someone coming after you? Please Jason I have to know.

Jason was quiet, as two loyalties warred inside of him. Sonny will be here any minute. What were dealing with cant wait. Please Elizabeth.

Okay. She sighed heavily. Im going. I probably should get back to Kellys anyway.

Concerned he picked up her coat and trailed her to the couch. Are you ready for that?

He helped her in her coat, and she flipped her hair from the collar. No, but I cant stay here forever.

I just need some time with Sonny. I didnt mean that you had to leave permanently. He picked up her flight bag before she could.

I know that. She pulled her gloves from her pocket. You helped me more then you know last night.

I didnt do anything.

She smiled and her eyes sparked to life briefly. You always say that and its never true. Her smile faded. Promise me your lifes not in danger.

I promise Ill be careful. It was the best he could do and she seemed to realize it, because she didnt press him for more.

You really matter to me. Were clear on that right? She reached for her bag and held his hand for a minute before taking it from him. You helped me discover the wind.

He brushed a thumb over her cheek. You painted me a picture of it.

Her eyes slid to the painting displayed on the easel. Not a very good one.

Its the best one Ive seen.

She hesitated for a second with her hand on the doorknob, before turning around and standing on her toes to hug him. Be careful. She whispered in his ear.

I will. He squeezed her once more then stepped back. Ill see you soon?

Count on it. Her smile was the most genuine one that shed had in over 24 hours.

See you later Elizabeth. He headed back to the window to watch for Sonny.

Again she hesitated at the door, but this time she kept her back to him. Jason for what its worth, I wouldnt have turned to anyone but you like that. It was never that you were handy, it was because you were you. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she opened the door and stepped from the room, leaving Jason staring after her in surprise.

~Kellys~

Hey Lucky, Ill be right with you. Tammy called from the kitchen when she saw him take a seat at the counter.

No rush. He pulled his wallet out and began to look through it searching for a piece of paper.

Have you heard from Elizabeth?

No. She said shed call last night but she mustve stayed late at the hospital. I was actually going to try her now. He pulled the paper with a phone number on it from his wallet.

Elizabeth peered through the door, thankful that the diner was empty except for one person at the counter. Her hand dropped back to her side when she recognized Lucky as that person. She didnt know if she was ready to face Lucky and deal with all the questions he was sure to have.

He had understood and supported her desire to go see Sarah, but he hadnt understood why she had wanted to go alone. When he realized he couldnt change her mind, he had given her the look of disappointment that he seemed to have developed recently. She stepped away from the door. She just wasnt up for that look at the moment. Being Luckys girlfriend took so much energy, and she just didnt have that in her right now. She sighed and turned back to the door, but like she had told Jason, she couldnt hide forever.

~Studio~

Are you sure about this? Sonny asked.

Yes. Both Carlos and Sorel are in town and their here for only one reason, to kill you. He leaned against the furnace and watched his friend pace the room.

Its coming to a head then. Sonny paused in front of a landscape that was leaning against the wall. In his present state of mind all he really saw was the bright colors. The angry red gold of the sunset seemed to match his mood.

They are planning something. Im still waiting to hear back from one guy. But Im betting theyll strike within the next 24 hours, 48 at the outside.

Sonny continued to prowl the small studio, his mind turning over the idea that this could all soon be over with. It felt like it had been going on forever and he was anxious for it all to be done. He knew better then to relax. The next day would probably be the most critical. They would have to discover Sorels plan, stop it, and take out Sorel, Carlos and whomever the mole was, all before anyone, namely the PCPD, caught on.

He still burned at the thought of a traitor in his organization. Carlos was one thing, hed always kept a tight rein on him. But whoever the mole was, was someone he trusted and that burned him. Right now the were only four people he knew he could trust, Johnny, Francis, Benny and most of all Jason. If there ever came a time that he couldnt trust Jason, he knew that would be the day that he died.

He turned a critical eye on his friend. You look like hell man.

Jason smirked. I had a rough night.

Something happen?

Not with me. Elizabeth got some bad news. Jason explained briefly.

I thought she was out of town. Sonny glanced around the studio again this time he spotted traces of its owner everywhere.

She did. She came back unexpectedly.

Sonny saw two pillows on the couch and it made him wonder. It also triggered the memory of a long ago conversation.

Did Elizabeth seem all right? Jason asked.

The concern on Jasons face was visible for once, and Sonny was grateful to see it. At least there was someone in Jasons life that hadnt hurt him. Well aside form being worried about you, shes fine. She said you didnt return her phone calls.

Yeah. Jason rubbed at the back of his neck.

Sonny took a chance. You know Jason you got an answering machine. Itd be nice every once and awhile to check it.

I should have figured that Elizabeth would try to reach me. Shes trying to be tough and brave because thats what she thinks people expect. Jason explained. This whole bomb thing I know scared her, and every time she gets scared or confused or mad she calls me.

Yeah she mentioned that. Sonny held his breath hoping Jason would continue. This was the first personal conversation theyd had since that morning at the boxcar. It was also the first time that hed really gone on about Elizabeth.

Yeah, not that I do much, Jason shrugged. I just you know, take her for rides. Sometimes I just listen. But it seems to help. You know a light goes on inside her and she smiles and she seems that shes He stopped himself and his face closed off again. I got to get back to the warehouse.

Okay. Sonny watched him leave and exhaled a breath he had been holding since the night hed slept with Carly. It would take time but Jason and him would get through this.

Sonny knew that Elizabeth had helped Jason more then she probably knew. But he couldnt help but be a little worried. Is she still seeing Lucky?

Yes. Jason turned back to the window.

The only time that Jason was this easy to read was when he was talking about Michael. He hoped that things would work out for his friend, but he knew that he would probably have a fight on his hands. I hope you know what your doing.

Jason turned to look at him and for once let the guard all the way down. I dont. But I cant stop, I need her in my life.

~Kellys~

Mrs. Hardy, Lucky said in surprise. I was holding for Elizabeth.

Elizabeths not here Lucky. Audrey Hardy explained.

Oh, he glanced at his watch. Is she still at the hotel then?

No I mean shes not here. I havent seen her since I left Port Charles.

Lucky frowned. She took the shuttle up there last night, to see Sarah.

She did? Hold on. Audrey covered the phone and turned to Jeff and Claire. Did you see Elizabeth? Lucky said she flew here last night to see Sarah.

Claire shook her head immediately, and after a brief hesitation so did Jeff. She must have changed her mind Audrey. Jeff offered finally.

Audrey just shook her head, feeling disappointed. It was time to heal this rift in her family. Shes not here Lucky, she must have changed her mind. Will you have her call me when you talk to her?

I will Mrs. Hardy. Lucky hung up the phone slowly.

Something wrong? Tammy asked when she noticed his immobility.

Elizabeth never arrived at the hospital. Saying the words spurred him into motion. I need to find her.

Do you think somethings happened to her?

No she probably changed her mind. He pulled on his coat and headed for the door. If she calls or comes by keep her here.

~Studio~

I hope it works out for you man. Sonny glanced at his watch and knew it was time to go. Keep in touch.

Jason trailed him to the door. I will. Watch your back.

Always. Sonny pulled the door open and stopped quickly before he bumped into Elizabeth.

Her eyes went wide when she saw him and she took a step back. Im sorry I didnt see Johnny, I thought you were gone. She looked past him to Jason. I can come back.

No. Sonny caught her arm before she took a step.

Elizabeth jerked her arm away and took another step back, her eyes watching him warily.

Sonny lowered his hand in surprise, he glanced at Jason who just shook his head, then back at Elizabeth who was nervously fiddling with her scarf. It was hard to read her eyes, but he could see the vulnerability in them, and he could feel the hurt and confusion coming off of her. I was just leaving please go inside Elizabeth.

Are you sure? She was cursing herself for her reaction to Sonny. She didnt know why but she just didnt want to be touched. He must think she was nuts.

Please. Sonny kept his voice quiet and smiled reassuringly at her.

Her return smile was weak and she moved by him cautiously, being careful not to touch him. Sonny heard her sigh in relief when she set down her bag and step behind Jason. Something was definitely going on with her. Goodbye Elizabeth, Jason. He nodded his head and pulled the door closed. He hoped Jason could handle whatever the problem was. She really looked fragile and he wasnt used to seeing her like that.

Hed only take a step away from the door when Lucky Spencer turned the corner, heading in his direction. Lucky. He called loudly hoping to alert Jason.

Elizabeths eyes filled with distress and locked on Jasons when she heard Sonnys exclamation.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 3


~Hallway~

Sonny what are you doing here? Lucky asked in surprise. Sonny was one of the last persons that hed thought hed see in the old rundown building.

Lucky how are you doing? Sonny pitched his voice louder then normal trying to alert the people inside the studio.

Im fine. Lucky answered absently, looking around for the bodyguard. Ever since Sonny had been shot you rarely saw him alone. Why are you here?

Im thinking of buying the building. Sonny thought up an excuse quickly. I had a meeting earlier with the owner and now, Im just looking around trying to find all the things she didnt tell me about the building.

Oh. Lucky nodded and moved past him to the door of the studio.

Do you have a place here? Sonny inquired trying to stall him.

No this is Elizabeths studio. Lucky dug in his pocket for the spare key he had gotten from Tammy.

I dont think shes in there. Ive been knocking on some doors along here trying to get a view of the rooms on this side of the building. Sonny made a last ditch effort to head him off.

Lucky inserted the key. Ill check anyway. He opened the door slightly before stepping back and gesturing to Sonny. You want to come in and look?

Thanks. Sonny moved inside the room ahead of Lucky and an empty room greeted him. He had expected Jason to be out of sight, but he was surprised that Elizabeth had hid from Lucky as well. Something was definitely going on with her.

As you can see the room isnt very big and its pretty drafty. Lucky closed the door and moved to her catchall table looking in vain for a note from her.

I see. Sonny glanced at his watch and moved to the window. If he didnt get back to the warehouse soon Johnny would be looking for him.

You know maybe if you buy this building you can convince Elizabeth to give this place up. Lucky said suddenly.

Why would I want to lose a tenant?

Lucky was quiet while he thought about it. It was hard for him to explain why he felt uneasy in this room. Other than the night after the rave, when she had been drugged, they spent very little time here. They had never made love here, and it seemed like she was resistant to getting close in this room. Whenever hed kiss her and push for more, she would want to leave, and because he felt uncomfortable here he never argued.

It was strange but he almost felt like he was trespassing. Since this place belonged to Elizabeth he knew he shouldnt feel that way, but he did. But since the feeling of trespass came without anything concrete to point too, he couldnt really explain why he wanted her to leave.

Lucky? Sonny prompted.

I dont think its safe for her to spend so much time alone in this place. Lucky said finally. This building is less then half full, and she is the only tenant on this floor. Its not safe for her here alone. Ive been worried about her ever since I found out about this place, but especially so in the past few weeks. She has been here all the time and walks home late at night through the docks. That isnt right.

~*~

Elizabeth rested her head against the closed closet door and kept her eyes closed as the voices in the room came clearly through the door. She didnt know why but when Sonny had said Luckys name, her first instinct had been to hide, she wasnt ready to see him yet. Jason had sensed her panic and had both of them and her bag in the closet almost before she had realized it.

Now hearing Lucky talk about all the time she had been spending here and away from him, she felt guilty. But not quite guilty enough to open the door she realized. Elizabeth opened her eyes and peered up at Jason in the dim light, but it was too dark to read his expression, she could almost feel his eyes on her though and she quickly shut her eyes again.

~*~

If I do buy the building Ill bring in some tenants. Sonny countered his mind automatically going to the repairs he would make and what type of tenant he would want, even though he wasnt buying the building.

Yeah but then youll probably have to raise the rent after you make all the upgrades. The more Lucky thought about it the more appealing Sonny buying the building sounded to him. Elizabeth wouldnt be able to afford a raise in the rent and she would have to move.

Sonny couldnt help but frown at the hopefulness he heard in Luckys voice. The fact that Lucky wanted Elizabeth to lose her studio bothered him enough that he was tempted to buy the building just to make sure that Elizabeth always had her place.

Where would she paint then? Sonny asked finally moving over to look at some paintings stacked against the wall. I know there isnt room for her to paint at Kellys. He had been in those rooms first with Brenda, then Lily and finally Hannah, space had always been tight.

We could move in together and that would open up a room. Or he could use the extra room as a darkroom. Ever since he had taken the photos of Elizabeth and then Gia he had been drawn to photography.

~*~

Elizabeth felt her face flame at Luckys pronouncement and was grateful that Jason couldnt see it. They had never discussed living together and she wouldnt do it just because she lost her studio. She couldnt believe he was suggesting that they would move in together at all, and to Sonny of all people.

Jason shifted beside her bringing his hard length more in contact with her side, and drew her attention to him. The interior of the closet was very crowded. Between her bag, his bag, her art supplies and them, there was very little room inside the closet. She had her back against the door, the metal shelving of her stand pressing against her side, while he was turned sideways, his length pressing on her other side. The heat coming off of him was tremendous. She was embarrassed to be hiding from her own boyfriend, in a closet, in her own studio, but she wasnt willing to do anything about it. She tried her best to block the presence of the man beside her and instead concentrated on the conversation in the other room. What she heard surprised her.

~*~

Sonny glanced at his watch again then focused on the painting in front of him. Shes a good artist, shell probably be selling her work before long. His opinion was honest, he hadnt taken the time to look at her work before but now his eye was drawn to it. She tended to use bold vivid colors, in her abstracts and landscapes and they were eye catching.

I know shes good. She used to do portraits a lot. Lucky moved over beside him. Shes moved on from that. He turned and his eye fell on the canvas on the easel. The canvas that was always on the easel, and as usual he got a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach as he looked at it.

That ones interesting. Sonny commented studying the painting himself.

I hate this one. Lucky spoke honestly and loudly. Of all her work this is the only piece I hate.

Sonny glanced at the closed closet door and lowered his voice. Why? Its pretty good.

I dont know, she calls it The Wind, he said with a slight sneer. He couldnt put his finger on it, but something about the painting just bothered him. Maybe it was because she always had it on display, or maybe it was because when she looked at it she always got a sad, wistful smile on her face. She did it while I was gone.

It was good of her to paint then. She took what happened to you very hard, Sonny murmured. He could still remember that god-awful night when he was staring at a fire that he had thought was Luckys death shroud. He had been horrified over the loss of someone so young, and also guilty because there was a good chance that the fire had been his or Jasons fault, indirectly, at least.

That had been hard enough to bear in itself, but then out of nowhere Elizabeth had shown up and tried to run into the building herself. They had stopped her, but her eyes were glued to the building, holding out hope even when a body bag went by her, until Taggert showed her a necklace. She took one look at the necklace and she crumpled. He had caught her before she hit the ground but the look on her face still haunted him.

At the time he couldnt help but remember the night his own life had exploded into flames. It was hard for him to watch her go through what he had went through. It was true he hadnt been devoted to Lily the way she had been to Lucky, but a part of him had loved her, and he had already been devoted to his unborn child.

I know. Lucky conceded. But Im back now, what happened this last year, while I was gone, doesnt matter anymore. She doesnt need to cling to those things anymore.

Sonny looked stunned at that remark and Lucky flushed and changed the subject. Well you were right shes not here. I need to find her, so are you ready to leave?

Yes. Sonny let it drop and led the way to the door.

Lucky paused by the table long enough to pull a piece of paper from a sketchbook and scribble a note to her, then followed Sonny from the room, shutting the door behind him with a slam.

~*~

They waited a minute longer before walking out of the closet. Elizabeth looked around the empty studio. That was horrible.

Im sorry Elizabeth. Jason offered quietly.

Why? She paused by the table. You didnt do anything wrong, I did. She scanned the note Lucky left for her. Elizabeth I know youre in town call me. She sighed heavily. I cant lie to him anymore.

Jason grimaced and headed for the window to keep an eye on Sonny. I know you dont like having to lie to Lucky and everyone else about me staying here. I wish I could leave to make things easier for you, but I really cant. I do think this will all be over in a few days though if you can hang on that long.

Jason what are you talking about? Elizabeth turned on him in surprise.

Me, leaving, I just need a few more

Jason, she cut him off. Why do you think I want you to leave?

He glanced back at her. You said you couldnt lie anymore.

I wasnt talking about you. I know its important for you to be here, and I have no problem with you staying. In fact Im glad you felt like you could trust me enough to come to me in the first place. She balled up the note that Lucky had left her in her hand. I meant that I couldnt pretend to be out of town anymore when Im not, I have to go to Kellys.

Jason was relieved that she didnt want him gone. He didnt want to cause problems between her and Lucky, but he knew that Lucky would be unwilling, or unable to handle the fact that he was in town. I thought thats what you were going to do earlier.

I was. She admitted quietly and moved to the couch, sitting on it with a sigh. I got as far as Kellys doorway. Lucky was sitting at the counter talking to Tammy, I put my hand on the handle, but I couldnt make myself open the door. The next thing I knew I was here, outside the door. She shivered feeling chilled in spite of the coat she was still wearing.

Jason kept his eye on the view of the docks until Sonny disappeared from sight then turned to look at her. She seemed so much smaller then usual, like all the fight had been drained from her. She was huddled in an oversized red coat and yet she still shivered, concerned he moved closer.

Elizabeths eyes flew open when she felt his hand on her forehead. Do you feel okay? He asked.

Didnt you learn anything from me Jason? Elizabeth drew back, away from his hand. Youre supposed to use your cheek, not your hand to check for a fever. Her eyes widened when she realized what she said and she hurried on trying to cover. But since your hand isnt cold, you can use it. Which is, of course, why you used it to begin with.

Jason settled on the couch beside her half listening to her babble. But I havent been outside, so I wouldnt smell like snow.

Relieved at his tease she smiled. But snow doesnt smell.

Yes it does. Jason countered happy with the smile on her face. Youre not warm to the touch.

No Im not warm, she agreed. She hadnt felt warm since shed woken up in the cocoon of heat this morning. But I should probably be going.

But you dont want to go. He shifted a little closer on the couch.

It was a statement and he was correct with it. She didnt want to leave the studio. She felt safe here, she felt some sense of balance and control that she hadnt felt when she had left it earlier. I have to. Lucky knows Im in town, if I dont show up soon, hell be worried.

Then you should go. Jason agreed reluctantly.

She nodded but made no move to get up from the couch, in fact she unbuttoned her coat and opened it slightly. But what am I supposed to say? When he asks me where Ive been all this time, and wants to know why I didnt come home, what am I supposed to say?

Dont you want to tell him what happened with the Webbers? Jason asked softly hiding his surprise at her words. He figured she would want to tell Lucky what she had found out, after all they were in a relationship.

I dont want to tell anybody, she admitted honestly. The more I think about it, the more I talk about it, the more real it becomes. A part of me would like to wake up and have it be yesterday morning again. That way I would never go to New York and I would never have heard the truth, and I wouldnt have to deal with what happens now.

But then you would just be hiding Elizabeth, he reached over and brushed a stray strand of hair from her cool cheek. "You dont hide.

Dont I? She whispered her eyes locking on his.

Jason had a feeling that they had moved on to another topic but decided to let it drop. She was already dealing with so much that he didnt want to add to it. Youre stronger then you think.

Her smile was bitter and it didn't suit her face. People have been telling me that and I guess its true. But Im tired of always having to prove how strong I am. Why cant I just have a little peace? She demanded a light of anger filling her eyes, making her words clipped. Every time I think Im through the worst, something else happens and it knocks me down and Im tired of it. Im so tired, I just dont feel like I can keep my balance anymore.

She was looking at Jason but she wasnt seeing him. Those fears and frustrations she had spent so much of her life trying to bury had found an outlet and this time they wouldnt be denied.

For years I never measured up in my family, but I didnt know why. So I used to have the biggest chip on my shoulder, because of the lack of approval and love that I felt. I came to Port Charles with one mission in mind, to get in enough trouble that my parents would have to deal with me. At least when they were yelling they noticed me. To do that all I had to do was beat Sarah, perfect Sarah, sister Sarah who could do no wrong. She sing-songed bitterly.

But as usual I messed up and yet at the same time I got something right. Gram didnt try to send me away, she cared about me, and I eventually let myself care about her. And then there was Lucky. She focused on a puddle that was forming on the floor underneath her dripping coatsleeve. I took one look at him and decided I wanted him, when I found out he liked Sarah, it only strengthened my resolve to get him. I have mentioned I was a brat right?

Jason smiled and nodded, but made no move to interrupt.

Funny things began to happen to me. I stopped trying so hard to be the bad girl, and I stopped fighting with people all the time, and suddenly I was getting along. Sarah and I actually had conversations with each other. My Gram and I would go shopping for no real reason, and Lucky? Miracle of miracles he began to like me for me. All of a sudden I was making friends and I finally felt accepted, her eyes dimmed and filled with pain. And then Valentines Day happened and I was lost again.

It was hard for him to just sit and listen, when he heard the pain in her voice, but he knew that was what he had to do. He knew that she had gotten past the rape, but even now the memory of it had the power to hurt her.

Elizabeth was quiet for awhile and the dripping from her coat had stopped by the time she slowly went on. It took a long time, so very, very long, but I finally got past the rape and began to live again. A lot of that was because of the unconditional support I got from Lucky, but part of it must have come from that strength Im supposed to have. But even though I dealt with the fear and the memory and learned to live again, what happened still changed me, and shaped me into someone new.

Feeling warmer she slipped out of her coat and cocked her head trying to find the words to explain something she had never tried to explain before. I wasnt as fearless as I once was, I didnt want to be the center of attention anymore. I would still do crazy things, but normally only with Lucky beside me, she frowned at that realization. I changed in ways for the better too. I wasnt so quick to judge, and I think I became a better person. And for the first time in my life I was looking forward too, and even planning the future.

She wrinkled her nose and smiled softly. I know that people my age werent normally too concerned about that, but for the first time I felt like I belonged. And I loved the fact that I knew where I was going to be in five years. I finally had someone who loved me, not because they had to, but because they wanted too. It was the happiest time in my life, and I let myself forget to prepare for the bad, because surely the worst was behind me.

Her smile faded and she crunched the paper tight in her hand. So of course that made the fall that much harder to survive. When Lucky died I felt like I had died too, only I was still breathing. I hit bottom again, but this time I stayed there. I put on a good front with people, but I was dead inside, because for an instant I belonged, and then it was gone, she sighed bitterly. It was gone leaving me more alone then ever, because now I knew how much more there was in life.

Her phone began to ring, shattering the peace in the room, but Elizabeth never even looked at the phone. When the machine clicked on there was the sound of heavy breathing then a dial tone. The dial tone sounded harsh to her ears and she spoke over it. Somehow when I was at my worst, I managed to find you and you helped me, she shook her head and corrected herself. No you saved me.

Thats not true Elizabeth, you saved yourself. Jason interrupted her.

I know thats what you say, what you always say, but it isnt true. I know all you think you did was listen to me talk and take me for rides. She reached over and took his hand. But that was exactly what I needed and that was how you saved me. She kept her eyes on their hands while she spoke. There was no one else that I could really talk about Lucky with. Everyone else had their own grief to deal with, or they would be worried about me. They couldnt see that by not talking about him, I was dying more and more everyday.

She didnt like to think about those days, because they were some of the darkest in her life. But she felt a need to finish what she had started. Talking about him with you helped me grieve and begin to let go of him. And when you were shot it helped me even more. That sounds horrible but its true. Her eyes searched his for surprise, but as usual they were warm and comforting, like his hand that squeezed hers.

Missing Lucky wasnt my number one priority when you were hurt. Making sure you would live and taking care of you was the most important thing in my life. And then when you were well and I could go back to missing Lucky, I discovered things had changed. I still missed him but not like before. I wasnt drowning in the loss anymore, I was done with mourning and hadnt realized it.

You were entitled to move on with your life Elizabeth. No one expected you to grieve forever. Jason heard a note of censure in her voice and didnt like it.

She nodded slowly. I was moving on with my life, taking control of it again. I started standing up to people for what I wanted, again. Making the hard decisions because I wanted too, not because I had to, and then, she paused with a sigh. You left and everything slipped from my grasp again.

Jason couldnt help but feel guilty at that remark. It was true that leaving had been the best thing, the only thing he could do at that time in his life. But it bothered him to think that he was one of the people who hurt her.

I didnt fall quite as far this time. Elizabeth didnt pick up on Jasons sudden tenseness. I was able to keep my feet and continue on rebuilding my life, I could still hear your voice in my head at times and that was good. Everything was fine and then Lucky came back, he came back and didn't want anything to do with me. Even though she knew the reason for his distance, the memory of it still hurt. Even though I was moving on with my life until he returned, it seemed only right that we get back together. I wasn't prepared for his rejection, or the loss of a love that had once meant everything to me.

She sighed and leaned forward, putting an elbow on her knee, her other hand still holding Jasons between their bodies. I was still trying to come to terms with that, when everything with Emily happened, you came back, and Lucky showed how much he had changed with his reaction to you. Then the brainwashing story came out, and you left again. She groaned. I spent so much of the last few years out of control, that it was hard for me to realize when I was in control.

No on controls every aspect of their life, all the time, even though I know some people who try too. Jason offered and felt the loss of her touch when she pulled her hand away from his.

I know that but its always the same story with me. Every time I think I have everything under control, that nothing else is going to come along and mess things up, Im proven wrong. Her voice rose as she reached the point in her narrative that was still raw. How many times can I be blindsided before enough is enough? How many times am I supposed to get up after being knocked down again? Her voice cracked and she hurried on. I havent been that happy lately, so I wasnt expecting bad news. Normally I get hits like this when Im happy, so why did the fall come anyway? By now her head was resting on her hands. Im so tired of falling Jason. So tired of having to pick up the pieces of my life and start again.

Jason moved slowly, not wanting to startle her. She was projecting this aura of vulnerability and hurt that had surrounded her when they first started talking. He didnt know her well enough then to help, but he did now, and he wanted to help, if she would let him. She jolted when he put a comforting arm over her shoulders, but she didnt draw away from him.

Slowly, so very slowly, as if each movement cost her she turned and began to lean into his warmth, taking the comfort he was offering. I dont feel strong anymore Jason, I just feel tired of being alone.

Im here for you, he whispered.

Sometimes its just hard to breathe. Elizabeth said finally, resting her head on his shoulder.

~NY Hospital~

Why did you hesitate when Audrey asked you if youd seen Lizzie?

Claires question caught Jeff off-guard and he turned to look at her in surprise. He had almost been asleep, Sarah was having tests, and Audrey and Steven were having an early meal, and the room had been so quiet, he was almost out. What do you mean?

Jeff weve been married for close to 30 years, I know when something is going on with you. Claire tucked a stray hair back up in her chignon, making sure her appearance was still immaculate. She had just turned 52, but her weight was the same as when she was married at 22, as was her blonde hair color, thanks to her hairdresser.

I didnt want to worry you when there was nothing you could do. Jeff answered finally.

What do you mean? She studied her husband through narrowed blue eyes. What happened with Lizzie?

Her boyfriend was right, she did come to the hospital. I spoke with her last night.

And she left without seeing Sarah? Her cold Maine accent gave the words a haughty ring. And now she has disappeared making everyone worry about her, this is such a typical stunt of hers.

Not this time. He found himself in the unique position of defending Lizzie and that wasnt normal for him. He had planned on telling Claire that Lizzie knew the truth, but not like this. Not when they were both still so worried about Sarah, but now he had no choice. Something happened when Lizzie was here last night.

What? She asked absently, her eyes assessing the stark hospital room. She needed to bring some color into the room. Sarah needed to be surrounded by pretty things.

She knows the truth.

What truth? A vase of roses would be perfect on the table by the window. Sarah always loved the smell of roses.

She knows about everything. Jeff didnt want to mention the stillbirth of their son. He knew Claire was still shaky with that memory, even after all of this time.

His tone finally sunk in and she turned her focus on him. You dont mean, she trailed off when she saw the guilty look in his eyes. Dont you think we have enough to worry about without you telling Lizzie the truth?

It slipped out, I wasnt expecting to see her and I said some things. Jeff tried to defend himself. She heard about the test and demanded to take it, and I couldnt think of a lie why she couldnt so I told her.

Claire rubbed wearily at her forehead, messing up her bangs. It was a testament to her unease that she didnt fix them immediately. How did she take the news? Did she cause a scene like normal?

No. An unbidden of Lizzies stark white face came to him and he quickly banished it. She listened to the whole story, then wanted to know who else knew, and then she left.

She wont say anything will she? Claire asked worriedly. After all of this time, she couldnt afford to have the truth come out about Jeffs foolish mistake.

I dont think so.

Claire straightened the cuff on her blouse. Well I suppose its a relief that she does know the truth. The pretense was getting a bit hard to carry on. As long as she doesnt tell anyone it shouldnt be an issue. We havent seen her in years, neither have Steven or Sarah. Her voice warmed and she shot out of her chair when the door opened and Sarah was rolled back in the room.

Mom. Sarah acknowledged her with a weak smile.

Let me help you, Claire began to fuss with the colorful scarf on her daughters head.

Sarah just let her fuss. She wore the scarf more for her mother then her own vanity. Her blonde locks that she had once been so proud of had disappeared a long time ago. She had discovered that after the first few weeks, she didnt think about her loss of hair very often. Vanity and beauty were the last thing on her mind when she stared down the bottle of a chemotherapy drip. Lots of things that had once been important to her, didnt seem to matter that much anymore. But she knew her appearance mattered to her mom, so it was easy to let her fuss.

I was just telling your father we need to get some color in this room, its always so much nicer to be surrounded by beautiful things. Claire bustled around the bed, her voice full of warmth and love for her daughter.

Jeff watched the mother and daughter speak and for once it didnt warm his heart. For once he opened his eyes and allowed himself to see the truth. His wifes behavior had totally changed from their discussion about Lizzie, to when Sarah had entered the room. The coldness, disdain, and disinterest that was in her tone when speaking of Lizzie, turned into warmth the instant Sarah came in. For the first time he let himself realize that this was the way it had always been, even when Lizzie was in the room to see it.

Guilt hammered the back of his throat, the acid of it made it hard for him to breathe. He didnt like that knowledge. Excuse me, he spoke to his daughter and hurried from the room. Again the image of Lizzies face came to him this time accompanied by her voice.

Lizzie dont be like that. We werent monsters, you had a roof over your head, food, clothes, lessons, we gave you everything

Except love, she interrupted him. You gave me everything but your love. And that was the one thing I needed. Instead I got the anger, the disappointment, the regret, even pity, but never love.

Jeff paused at the window in the hallway and stared blindly at the falling snow. For the first time in memory he wondered where and how Lizzie was. She should have been back in Port Charles last night. He should call the boyfriend and let him know that she had come to New York. If he was only looking in Port Charles, he might not check New York until it was too late.

Jeff?

Dr. Winston spoke from his side getting his attention. Yes?

I have Audreys test results, I was about to give them to your family. Dr. Winston held up a file. Are you coming?

Yes. Jeff nodded and followed the doctor. Lizzie was probably fine.

Except love, she interrupted him. You gave me everything but your love. And that was the one thing I needed."

If she hadnt turned up in a few hours then he would call the boy, but for now, he shook off his unease and joined his family.

~Studio~

Are you sure you want to leave? Jason asked again before picking up her bag and trailing her to the door.

Ive hidden long enough. Its almost 7:00 as it is. I have a lot of explaining to do when I get home. Elizabeth pulled on her coat. Thanks.

I didnt do, he broke off when he saw her warning glare. Anytime.

She hesitated by the door, her eyes staring at the window in it. Jason last night, I knew that Lucky would be happy to see me if I came home and instead I came to you, she worried her bottom lip then asked one of the questions that had been haunting her all day. Why do you think I did that?

Jason shifted so he was beside the door and spoke honestly. I cant answer that, only you can.

She smiled slightly and looked up at him. Actually you just did answer it. Lucky would have tried to fix me by fixing my problem for me. While you would just let me be and let me do what I needed to do, even if it was nothing more then holding me while I cried. Honesty could hurt at times, especially when you werent ready to deal with the truth of what the words meant.

Jason was surprised by her admission and even more surprised by the all too brief hug she gave him, followed by a kiss on the cheek. He regained his sense of balance and opened the door for her. Ill see you later?

Always. Elizabeth picked up her bag and headed down the hall, wondering why each step was harder then the last.

~Kellys~

Lucky hurried through the door, almost knocking over a woman who was on her way out, but he didnt pause or even say excuse me, his focus was the phone on the counter.

Wheres the fire Lucky? Tammy asked.

Its Elizabeth, Ive been looking for her for hours and I cant find her anywhere. Shes not at the studio, on campus, Emily hasnt seen her, I went by her Grams house but its empty, I even checked with my mom, and the hospitals, he picked up the phone and began to dial while he talked. Im going to call Taggert, something must have happened to her.

Tammy pulled the receiver from his hand and hung up the phone. Relax.

Tammy, he yelled at her in surprise.

Lucky shes in her room, she showed up about an hour ago. Her last words were called after his disappearing back after he vaulted for the stairs.

~Elizabeths room~

Elizabeth walked out of the bathroom and rubbed with a towel at her still damp hair. The hot shower had felt so good. She loved her studio but the bathroom sink at the end of the hall left a lot to be desired when you were trying to clean up. If she were ever to live there permanently she would need to put in a bathroom. She dropped the towel on the bed and crossed to the window. Now why would she ever think that she would move into the studio?

We wont start like this.

The memory of Jasons vow came out of nowhere and the impact drove her to the window seat in surprise. The memory of the kiss had been one of the many memories she had been trying to block from her mind. As such she only now remembered his words. Remembering them caused her pulse to race and her already out of control emotions began to lurch and she quickly tried to focus on something else. There was too much upheaval in her life right now to let herself think about what Jason had meant by those words.

She needed to figure out how much to tell Lucky. She had meant what she said earlier, Lucky would no doubt try to fix her problem for her. Ever since they had gotten back together he could never seem to let anything lie and develop on its own. He always needed to control things and this would be no exception. The thing was he couldnt fix this problem for her, no one could.

She sucked in a breath trying to prepare for her role in life, the role of Luckys girlfriend. She gasped shaken by that description of herself coming from her own mind. She jolted when someone knocked on the door and had only taken a step towards it when the knock came again.

Elizabeth are you in there?

Luckys voice came through the door and caused her to hesitate in her approach. Suck it up Webber. She continued on to the door, unlocked it and opened it slowly. Hi Lucky.

Thank god. Lucky pulled her into his arms. I have been going crazy trying to find you.

Elizabeth hugged him back. Sorry. His shoulder muffled her apology but it was genuine.

He pulled back and studied her, she looked fine, a little pale, but that was because she wasnt wearing makeup. Ever since I spoke to Audrey and she told me you never showed up at the hospital Ive been half out of my mind.

She said I didnt come? Elizabeth asked numbly.

Yes. I heard her ask your parents and no one had seen you. Lucky moved past her to drop his coat on the bed so he missed her stricken expression.

Jeff had lied about her even being there. A fresh wave of pain hit her and she wrapped her arms around her waist. She shouldnt be surprised but she was.

I have been looking for you everywhere since early this afternoon. Where the hell have you been Elizabeth? Lucky asked harshly. Do you have any idea how worried I was?

Elizabeth felt the guilt his accusation caused and turned slowly. She could see the worry in his eyes that much was true. She could also see the anger and disappointment in them as well. She braced herself and then began the process of explaining what happened.

I was going to go to New York, but then I started feeling bad, so I decided to take a little nap at my studio until I could catch the shuttle. Well my nap turned out to be longer then I thought and I woke up 12 hours later, by then it was too late to go to New York and also too late to come back here, so I decided to spend the night in the studio, she sucked in a breath then hurried on. When I woke up this morning I felt a little better, but I knew I wouldnt be allowed to see Sarah as long as I was sick, so I decided not to go. With everyone thinking I was out of town anyway I decided to work on my project that is due next week. As you know my grades never recovered after all that time I missed over Emily last semester, so I cant let them slide anymore. So I went to the libraries then hit the galleries on Fifth Street.

Elizabeth. Lucky tried to interrupt her monologue.

I thought I would be back here before you even knew I was in town, but Tammy told me that you had been looking for me and were worried, and I felt bad. Im sorry I made you worry.

Elizabeth. Lucky caught her by the shoulders to cut her off. Its okay Im just glad your safe, he hugged her again.

Youre not mad? She asked when he drew back.

No. But next time call. He admonished with a smile before he kissed her. He moved to deepen the kiss and she slipped away and sneezed.

Im sorry Lucky all my running around today has made me feel sick again. She sneezed again and he backed off another step. I think I need more sleep.

Okay. Lucky picked up his coat. Do you want some food or company?

No I think Im going to crawl in bed and try to sleep for another 12 hours. Elizabeth smiled slightly. Do you mind?

No, you get your rest, you need to be at your best for the photo shoot in a few days anyway. Lucky opened the door. This would also give him the time to think of a Valentines Day gift for her.

Her smile vanished at the mention of the photo shoot and her hand tightened on the doorknob. Right, night Lucky. She let him kiss her cheek then closed the door and locked it.

Where the hell had that come from? She crossed to the bed and sat down slowly. Why had she lied to Lucky? She never lied to Lucky. What about Jason? Her conscious prodded her, but Jason was different, she was helping him and it wasnt her secret to tell. But this was her secret and instead of telling she had lied to Lucky, the love of her life. The only question was why?

With a groan she moved to the window again. The snow had stopped falling but it was being swirled around by a wind that rattled her windows. Shed had every intention of telling Lucky about the Webbers, but when shed tried too out came the lie instead. She leaned her head against the cold glass, yet another thing she had to figure out. It was so hard for her to understand what she was doing, much less why she was doing it. She glanced around her room, and couldnt help but feel a little pinned in.

The longer she stood there the harder it was for her to catch her breath. Before she even realized what she was doing she had pulled on her coat and was locking the door behind her. She moved quietly past Luckys room, relieved at the muted sound of music that came through the closed door. Then she was down the stairs and out the doors before Tammy even made it out of the kitchen.

Elizabeth paused underneath the sign for Bannisters Wharf and took a deep breath of the bitter night air. The wind was brutally cold and whipped at her face, but she breathed deeply and easily, expelling the fog in front of her face. She just couldnt breathe at Kellys. Her eyes went to the darkened window of her studio that was visible from the docks. Thanks to the clear night, the full moon, and the light reflecting off the fresh snow, the dark painted windows were easily in sight.

She couldnt make out anybody at the window but she felt sure that Jason was there, looking out at the docks, perhaps even looking at her. If he was he was probably wondering why she was outside on a night like this without a hat or gloves on.

Elizabeth moved closer until she was in front of the memory bench, as she liked to call it, the place where Jason had once told her goodbye. It had become a place where she went too when she wanted to think about him. What was surprising was that her treks there had only increased once Lucky had returned home.

She frowned at that thought and the chill that moved through her had nothing to do with the cold night wind coming off of the water. Why had she told Jason the truth and not Lucky? Why had she turned to him for comfort and understanding? Lucky would have been there for her, but instead she went to Jason. Why had she run out of her nice, warm, room to stand on a cold and empty dock in front of her studio?

The questions hit her one after the other and made her uncomfortable, because she wasnt ready to face the answers that were coming to her. She glanced around the dock and felt uneasy all of a sudden. It was time to go home. Her eyes went to the studio then flicked in the direction of Kellys. Why was she suddenly unsure of where home was?

That question rocked her the most and her focus landed on a buoy that was bobbing offshore, its little red light shining in the direction of the dock. The buoy at times seemed to almost topple as a choppy wave would hit it, but then it would pop back upright. She couldnt help but envy the buoy, no matter how hard it was battered it always stood up. She sighed and feeling cold, she huddled in her coat, it was time to leave.

The arm that slipped around her waist caught her off-guard, before she could scream a gloved hand covered her mouth and pulled her back against a hard chest. A decidedly male chest. Memories of being held like this before assailed her, and she began to fight, trying to break free of his hold. The more she twisted, the harder the hand clamped over her mouth, cutting off her air. Tears slipped from her eyes and she looked at the studio praying that Jason had seen what was happening and was on his way to help her right now.

Not a word. Came a harsh whisper in her ear and her struggles stopped in shock as he pulled her back down the dock and into the dark of the night.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 4


~Docks~

Terror clogged Elizabeths throat making it hard for her to breathe. Memories assailed her, along with his hands, and with them came the paralyzing fear that she had come to feel that awful Valentines Day. His arm tightened on her waist, his palm was spread wide on her side, his fingers touching the edge of her breast.

The lack of oxygen was getting to her, the dark was reaching out to her threatening to drown her in its wake. Elizabeth began to struggle, the need for air temporarily overriding her fear. The hand over her mouth tightened and she instinctively bit down on one of his fingers. She registered the muffled curse the same time her mouth was free. Sucking in the air greedily, the sickeningly smell of soap came with it, and just like that her struggles stopped.

His hand covered her mouth again and he drew her back into the shadows of the alley. She found herself suddenly free when he threw her against an overflowing trash dumpster. Caught off guard she staggered and tried to keep her feet, but couldnt, she slid down its greasy side until she reached the hard frozen ground.

A part of her mind was ordering her to scream. To fight. To run away from him. But in the end, she didnt, she couldnt. Numbness and a sense of unreality had set in and she couldnt get past it.

Maybe if she were quiet. Maybe if she didnt fight this time. Maybe if she made no noise at all. Maybe none of this would be real. Maybe she would find herself far away from this dark alley with its fetid odor of trash, and away from the nightmare that she had thought shed vanquished years earlier. Closing her eyes she tried to make it all disappear, to make him disappear. But her eyes flew open when she felt his hands on her body, his breath on her face, his tongue on her skin.

This couldnt be happening. Not again. She wouldnt survive if it happened again. No please, somehow she managed to find her voice. Please stop.

And amazingly he did. Tom Baker pulled away from her, and slowly got to his feet. He stared down at her with a mixture of distaste and loathing on his face. Even I dont want you now. Youre nothing. Youre disposable and forgettable. Someone should have thrown you away years ago. He broke off with a laugh and leaned closer, so she could see the madness dancing in his eyes. Thats right someone did throw you away.

Elizabeth recoiled from the words, covering her ears she tried to block them out. But they still got through. No.

Yes, Tom bellowed. Thats why everyone leaves you. They know youre nothing but trash.

No. Elizabeth cried out sharply, sitting straight up on the bed. Her hand went to her mouth trying to hold back the sick feeling in her throat. Dimly she recognized she was in Kellys, in her very own room, in her very own bed.

Before she could relax or even take a breath the memory of her dream came back to her and Elizabeth lurched from the bed, barely making it to the bathroom before she was sick.

When the sickness and dizziness had passed, when she was as empty as she had ever been, she leaned wearily against the toilet and tried to think. Words, and images came to her, but her mind was so jumbled it was hard to concentrate on any one thought. Staggering to her feet she moved to the sink to wash out her mouth. Focusing on her face in the mirror she almost screamed. She hadnt seen those eyes in years. They took her back to a night that she couldnt seem to banish entirely no matter how hard she tried.

Closing her eyes she tried desperately to think of something else. Anything else, but the memory wouldnt be shaken, not tonight. Giving in to the fear, the dirtiness she felt, she moved to the shower, stripping quickly she got inside the stall, turning the water on as hot as she could stand it, then made it even hotter. All in an attempt to stop shaking and to get clean, but it didnt seem to be working.

~*~*~*~

Elizabeth pulled on her favorite sweatshirt that was two sizes too big for her, and was grateful for its size and warmth. Even after the shower she still felt cold. Eyeing her bed warily she moved to the window, she had a feeling she would sleep no more tonight. Peering outside she realized the snow had stopped, and the street was heavily lined with the snow. There were no tracks in it, and it wasnt dirty, the virgin snow looked pure from her vantage point.

Pure for now, but soon it would be dirty like everything else.

Shaking the bitter words away she glanced at the clock. 12:10 am. Kellys would be deserted, Tammy, Emily, and Lucky should all be asleep by now. Desperate to get out of her room, she moved towards her door, unlocked it, and quietly opened it. The dimly lit hall was deserted. Moving carefully she eased into the hall heading for the stairs. Hesitating for an instant by Luckys door, she heard the music coming from within and knew he was asleep. Still her step was light as she moved past the door and down the stairs she didnt exhale until she was in the empty dining room of Kellys.

Instinct had her moving to the door. The courtyard was still deserted. Resting a palm against the cold of the glass, she was tempted to go outside. She wanted some fresh air, knowing it would clear her head, and help shake the memories of the last hour. But the memories of the last hour were the exact reason why she knew she would go nowhere. The dregs of the dream were still in her mind, and she wasnt quite ready to get rid of them by going out alone, not quite yet anyway.

Why dont you call Jason?

Unsurprised at her own question she leaned against the door. Even though he needed to remain out of sight, if she called him he would probably come get her, or at the least meet her at the edge of the docks. All she would have to do was call him. He had promised he would be there for her, and she knew that he would keep his word, because he always did.

Instead of moving to the phone to call though, she moved into the kitchen flipping on the lights as she did so. She couldnt do that to Jason, or to herself. She couldnt let herself depend on him anymore then she already was. She couldnt let herself depend on anyone too much anymore. Hadnt she learned that lesson the hard way? The first time the memories of the rape gripped her, she had clung to Lucky like a lifeline, and when he died, she nearly had as well. She couldnt let herself depend on anyone like that again. She needed to be strong on her own, because when all was said and done, she was really the only person she could depend on.

She couldnt depend on her Grandmother, her friends, Lucky, or Jason. Not anymore, anyway. Besides how could she call Jason and ask for help, when all she had to do was walk upstairs and knock on Luckys door?

She couldnt.

Curiosity and a need to get out of her head, propelled her to pull down Tammys recipe book and flip through the pages. She stopped automatically at the recipe for fudge. It wasnt brownies but it was chocolate, maybe she could make it. She needed to broaden her dessert range. People were getting tired of the brownies. Striving for normalcy she quickly went about getting the ingredients. The whole time reminding herself, that she didnt need anyones help. Not anymore.

~Penthouse 4~

The snow had finally stopped, and Sonny Corinthos couldnt help but wonder when it had. The fact he didnt know bothered him, he had been standing at the window for hours now watching it fall, yet he didnt know when it had stopped. That was a bad sign. He knew the anger was pushing him into a depression, losing time was always the first step of the cycle, and he needed to focus on something else to stave it off.

He knew he needed to go to bed. Carly would be waking up soon and wondering where he was. Yet he didnt move from his perch by the window. He couldnt seem to make himself move. Somewhere out there, somewhere in the night of Port Charles, were at least three men who were trying to kill him. Sorel, Carlos, and someone whose name he didnt yet know. And it was that last person who was making him stay awake nights.

Sorels attempt was expected. Even Carlos grab for power wasnt a surprise to him. But the other, the traitor in his ranks, was unexpected, and couldnt be tolerated. The idea of a traitor had been eating away at him ever since the shooting at the police station. Someone, one of his own people, had helped to arrange that, and it was only through blind luck that he had been the only one seriously hurt.

He was suspicious of everyone, even those who had been with him the longest. Memories of Harry Silvers betrayal were still raw, so no one was spared. Well no one but Jason. If Jason ever did turn on him, Sonny knew he would be dead that day. Jason would come after him directly and take out him and only him. But Jason would never turn on him. If he hadnt done so over Carly and Michael, he never would.

But that still left a lot of other people in his organization. People he normally trusted with everything, with Carly, with Michael, he was now looking sideways at, and it was slowly driving him insane. Because after all this time he still didnt know who was the turncoat. The not knowing and the fear that caused was what kept him up at nights, was what colored his thinking every minute of the day. Carly knew something was going on, but she hadnt pressed him too badly, not yet, because of her preoccupation with the wedding she had let it go. But he knew sooner or later she would ask him.

Sonny? Carlys voice drifted down the stairs.

Turning he saw her tousled blonde head come into view, the sight of her sleepy eyes, and the crease on the side of her face where the pillow had been, made him smile for the first time all night. Yes?

Yawnly hugely, she crossed to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, being careful of the side that had been hurt so recently, and nuzzled his neck. Why are you still up?

I was thinking.

About the wedding? Carly asked her eyes sparking in interest. The wedding was her favorite subject at the moment. Sonny hadnt shown must interest in discussing it with her, her tone was hopeful that he was finally showing an interest.

Yes, Sonny admitted honestly. Knowing she would misread the statement didnt make him change it.

Carly hugged him tightly in relief. Its going to be so wonderful Sonny. I cant wait. Just you and me, and Michael, getting married, becoming a family before God, in a church. It will be perfect.

Sonny turned quickly and caught her mouth in a kiss, stemming the dream she was trying to spin for him, before the desire he always felt when he touched her overwhelmed him, he felt sad at the knowledge that she was describing a wedding that would never be.

~Kellys~

Yes Sarah Webber is a patient on this floor.

Good, Elizabeth twisted the cord in her hand. Can you tell me how shes doing? Has she had the bone marrow transplant yet?

Im sorry I cant release that information unless youre family. Are you a part of the Webber family?

I-I, her throat locked up.

Miss are you family or not? Hospital policy wont allow me to give out any information on Ms. Webbers condition unless you are family.

Ill call back tomorrow, Elizabeth managed finally and quickly hung up the phone. She could have lied, she probably should have lied, at least then she would know about Sarah, but when it came down to it, she couldnt lie. She wasnt a Webber, and a part of her never wanted to be called one again.

She moved back to the sink and began to scrub at the dishes her late night baking attempt had dirtied.

Elizabeth?

At the sound of her name Elizabeth dropped the pan, and whirled around a scream coming from her lips.

Take it easy, Emily Quartermaine said taking a step back from her friend.

Jesus Emily, Elizabeth placed a hand over her racing heart. You scared the hell out of me, she paused to take in her friends appearance. I thought you were upstairs.

No, Emily replied shrugging out of her coat. Sniffing the air she made a beeline for the stove. Elizabeth youre cooking.

Yeah Im trying out the fudge recipe. Elizabeth admitted. Dont worry I wont test it on you, she said quickly catching Emilys look.

Well if it tastes like it smells, I wont mind volunteering. Emily admitted jumping up on a counter. Her feet connected with the cabinet and some of the fresh snow dropped to the floor.

Youre in a good mood, I take it you were with Zander? Elizabeth asked. She had a hunch that the glow on her friends cheeks came more from her boyfriend then the weather.

Yep.

You didnt walk home alone this time of night did you? Elizabeth demanded.

No, Adam drove me home. Dont worry Zander is safe and sound at Alexis apartment, she hopped down from the counter and moved to the phone. Speaking of which I need to call him and let him know Im home. She dialed a number let it ring once then hung up. Catching sight of Elizabeths expression she grinned sheepishly. If we start talking neither one of us will go to sleep.

Oh, Elizabeth nodded. Im sorry if I sounded parental on you, I was just worried.

Dont worry you couldnt sound like the Qs if you tried. You actually asked about Zander. Thats something they never did. Deciding she was hungry Emily moved to the cabinets to browse her food selections.

I know you had some problems with the Quartermaines at times before Zander came along, was it ever anything like this? I remember they once sent you to camp to get you away from Juan.

This is nothing like that, Emily emerged from a cabinet with a box of crackers. Grandfather turned Zander in, even when he knew that Zander was going to the police station. He did that and didnt seem to care what it did to me.

Do you, I mean did you ever changing her mind Elizabeth trailed off.

Did I what?

Did you ever wish the Quartermaines werent your family?

I did once. I even ran away with Lucky, of course I was eleven at the time, she smiled fondly at the memory. The Quartermaines can be overwhelming, and after it being just me and my mom for so long, it was hard to handle, especially right after she died.

You consider Monica your mom now dont you? Even though she didnt give birth to you, Elizabeth kept her focus on the pans.

Yes, I didnt at first. I liked Monica, but my mom was still around. The sicker my mom got, the more she pushed at Monica and I kind of resented that. So after she died I pulled away from Monica. I felt like she was trying to replace my mom, her eyes went sad in memory. It was different with Alan, I barely remembered my dad, so he wasnt replacing someone I had seen every day. Jason and AJ quickly became like brothers to me, and the rest of the family fell into their roles, all but Monica.

Did they accept you right away? I mean you were essentially a stranger to them, did you ever feel like an outsider.

Emily munched on a cracker and thought about it. No, it may sound surprising but everyone, even Edward welcomed me with open arms. When they met me, and found out what Monica wanted to do, it was like I was an instant Quartermaine.

Thats good, Elizabeth said softly. They always loved you, youre very lucky.

It was also scary. My family is not normal and thats one of the reasons I ran away. They were so loud and could turn on each other so quickly. Ned tried to show me the ropes, and Jason and AJ shielded me the best they could, but it was so strange. I never felt second best, I always knew I belonged with them, even when I didnt want to be with them, I knew it, she shook her head. I still know it. Even after all the stuff they pull, theyre still my family. They always will be.

Elizabeth kept her back to her friend and nodded, blinking furiously at the tears, Emilys simple explanation caused her. When she knew her voice would be steady she spoke. Im glad for you Em, not everyone is as fortunate.

I know, she brushed at the crumbs on her slacks. Eventually well make up and Ill go home, or at least go and visit. In the end theyll always be there for me. Ill tell you a secret, they would even be there for Jason if he ever wanted to come back home. As much as Grandfather and Dad deny it, they would welcome him back in a heartbeat. I guess thats what a family is, people that are always there for you no matter what.

Emilys eyes widened in distress. God Im such an idiot. Here I am going on and on about my family and I totally forgot about yours. Hows Sarah doing? I thought you were going to go see her, but then Lucky called me today looking for you.

Yeah I never made it, dishes done she turned but didnt meet her friends eyes. I caught a bug and knew they wouldnt let me see her. Their going to do a bone marrow transplant, probably using my brothers bone marrow.

Thats good, it helps to have brothers or sisters in those situations I guess, Emily crossed to Elizabeth to give her a hug and came to a halt when Elizabeth shifted away before she could.

I still may be contagious, Elizabeth said in explanation.

Oh, Emily nodded but a part of her didnt really believe it, there was something in Elizabeths eyes that she hadnt seen before. Before she could discover what it was, Elizabeth moved past her to the oven.

I think Ill let these cool, cut them up and head to bed.

Me too, Emily agreed. Hey dont you have that test shoot coming up soon?

Yes in a few days, Elizabeth admitted.

You better get some rest then, trust me I learned from bitter experience that makeup or no makeup the camera has uncompromising eyes. It sees everything. Night Elizabeth.

Night Emily, Elizabeth called after her friend. The last thing she wanted was to face something that saw everything. How could she hide then?

~Kelly's A.M.~

"Thanks again sweetie, I should be back in an hour, two at the outside," Tammy paused in pulling on her coat and frowned in her direction. "Are you sure you feel up to this?"

"Yes I'm fine," Elizabeth said with a wave of her hand. "Go. It's not like I haven't been here alone before. If things get bad I'll drag Don out of the crap game, so go already."

"Alright thanks again," with a final wave the tall frizzy blonde headed for the door.

Elizabeth waited for her boss to disappear before letting her shoulders sag in relief. The morning had definitely been a long one, of course two hours of sleep would wear anyone out. It had been busy enough to keep her hands occupied, but unfortunately for her not her mind. Maybe a couple of more hours would help her get her head on straight. Staying late did mean that Jason would have to wait for his lunch, but at the moment she didn't really care.

She'd lucked out earlier, when Lucky had trotted downstairs a couple of hours ago she had been busy enough that she hadn't had time for more then a quick hello. She couldn't help the surge of relief she'd gotten when he had left before she had to talk to him. Talking seemed to be a chore she just wasn't really to undertake at the moment.

Glancing up when the bell on the door chimed, she swallowed a groan when Gia Campbell moved towards her. She just wasn't in the mood to deal with Gia today, but it looked like she had no choice in the matter.

Gia sauntered to the counter well aware of the eyes on her as she shrugged out of her long black trench, and took a seat at the counter. She refused to acknowledge the admiring looks yet registered them nonetheless. "Elizabeth."

"Gia, what can I get you?"

"Coffee," Gia flipped her cup over and studied her prey. She still couldn't see that people saw in Elizabeth. The girl really didnt have very much going for her, and she looked even worse then normal today. But whatever magic she did have seemed to make Lucky and even Nikolas jump through hoops. Just because she couldn't see or understand the appeal didn't mean she was going to overlook it.

"Anything else?" Elizabeth asked automatically.

"No, I need to watch my figure for the test shots coming up," seeing Elizabeth's grimace she made her first move. "Are you okay? You don't look to good."

"I'm fine Gia."

"If you say so," Gia shook her head doubtfully. "I suppose the makeup will help you then. So isn't it great news about Lucky?" Seeing Elizabeth's blank look she knew she'd hit pay dirt.

"What news about Lucky?" Elizabeth asked warily. The last good news concerning Lucky had been Carly hiring him to take photos of Gia. A little fact he hadn't bothered to mention to her until after the job was done.

"The job at Deception," Gia paused. "I thought he would have told you. Laura hired him to be the photographer. He's going to be the photographer for the new line. Isn't that great?"

Elizabeth felt her face freeze, looking past Gia her focus turned to the people who had just entered the diner. She recognized Lucky and Nikolas right away and judging from their guilty expressions what Gia had just said was true. Puzzled because instead of the anger she should feel because Gia knew before her, she didn't feel anything at all, she quickly worked up a welcoming smile. The smile didn't reach her eyes, yet Lucky failed to notice that, like usual.

"Hey babe," Elizabeth called offering her cheek when Lucky stepped behind the counter, after the quick caress she quickly shifted away. "Hi Nikolas."

"Elizabeth," the handsome prince took a seat at the counter. "I was wondering if you'd heard anything further about Sarah?"

Elizabeth clenched the rag tightly in her hand and strove to keep her face blank. "Nothing new. Their still waiting for the latest test results."

"I know what that's like," Lucky grumbled moving back around the counter to take a seat beside Gia. "When Lulu was sick every minute felt like an hour, and just when we thought all hope was lost, here came the prince riding to the rescue."

"I didn't ride, I walked, at least until you tried to deck me in the nursery," Nikolas corrected his younger bother. "The important thing is that it all worked out in the end. The power of siblings can be a great thing," frowning he focused on a pale Elizabeth. "Are you sure you're okay? Did you get tested as well?"

"I'm only a 75% match." Her answer felt like it came from a great distance. But the moment the words left her mouth her fate was sealed. Now she was an active participant in the lie that she was really a Webber.

"Elizabeth?" Lucky snapped his fingers in front of her eyes trying to get her attention. "You zoned out on us."

"Sorry," Elizabeth murmured feeling their all too curious eyes on her she quickly changed the subject. "I hear congratulations are in order Lucky."

Nikolas shot a glare at Gia who ignored him, while Lucky flushed and shifted on his feet.

"I was going to tell you," Lucky began.

"Come on Gia. I think it's time to go," Nikolas interrupted getting to his feet.

"You go on, I still have my coffee," Gia replied.

Nikolas placed his mouth next to her ear. "Now Gia."

Gia shivered and frowned at the order, but got to her feet. "I could use a ride. Bye Lucky," her tone turned cool. "Elizabeth."

Both of them ignored her, with a sigh Gia turned on her heel and flounced away.

"Keep me informed on Sarah okay?" Nikolas asked in farewell. "Bye."

"Bye Nikolas," Elizabeth called weakly. She would have rather had him stay, even if it meant Gia would stay as well. She didn't really want to be alone with Lucky.

"Are you mad?" Lucky asked with a heavy sigh. "I was going to tell you. But everything was so crazy yesterday that I didn't get the chance too. Then last night when I finally tracked you down you werent feeling well, and I forgot.

Lucky stop, Im not mad. I think it is a great chance for you. Im happy you will be doing something you like for a change. I know you were tired of your job at the warehouse.

He stared at her in surprise, sure that she would be mad at him for a minute he had nothing to say. Finally deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth he hurried on. This isnt just a great opportunity for me Elizabeth, its an opportunity for both of us?

How do you mean?

Ill be the photographer and youll be my muse. Once youre named the face our future will be set. Well be able to travel just like we always wanted too, caught up with what he was describing he captured her hand. And every man in the world will fall in love with you just the way I have, but youll be out of reach, because you love me.

Uncomfortable both with the image he was describing and his hold on her hand, she tugged her hand away. Im not the face Lucky, and I probably never will be. I froze up at the test shoots remember?

There were some good shots in there, the ones I took especially, even Carly had to admit that. He grinned oblivious to her discomfort. Dont you see with me as the photographer you wont be nervous anymore. Itll be perfect. Youll be perfect, just like you always are. And Ill capture that perfection on film for the whole world to see and envy.

The more he talked the sicker she felt. Lucky I dont think Id make a good model. I dont like all the attention, or the makeup

Nonsense youre just nervous. Dont worry youll soon see that youre a natural at this, just like you were a natural with painting. I was right then and Im right now, Lucky interrupted her protest. This is our dream. And its finally coming true.

I thought the dream was for me to paint and for you to pursue your music career, she reminded him.

Lucky waved her words away. That was years ago when we were kids. Were so much smarter now, besides all dreams change with time.

She wanted to scream, but had a scary feeling that if she did scream she would never stop. Instead she pounced on the phone when it began to ring. Kellys.

Elizabeth Webber please.

What color she had faded from her face when she recognized his voice. Should she be surprised that he didnt recognize her voice? Because she wasnt. Speaking.

Jeff Webber tightened his grip on the phone. Lizzie I didnt recognize your voice.

Im not surprised, Elizabeth replied curtly. What do you want?

Surprisingly stung by the coldness in her voice for a long second he was quiet. The boy, Lucky, called looking for you, I was con

If you say concerned I think Ill scream, Elizabeth hissed turning around so Lucky couldnt hear her. The only thing you were concerned about was the performance you would have to put on if something had happened to me. Youd have to leave Sarah to take care of the funeral arrangements. My wouldnt that be inconvenient for you?

Lizzie dont be like this, Jeff pleaded.

Im what you made me, Elizabeth retorted scathingly. What do you want?

I told you I was concerned.

But not concerned enough to admit that I had made it to New York that night right? The brief flash of anger had died leaving her weary. I heard how quickly you denied seeing me.

Jeff flinched but had no weapons to defend himself with. Lizzie

Is that Elizabeth? Audrey Hardy asked from behind him. Let me speak with her.

Elizabeth moved to hang up but was too late, Audreys voice drifted over the line.

Elizabeth.

Hi G-gram, somehow she forced the words out. Her mind cursing the Webbers all over again. Cursing them for taking away the one person in her family that had ever truly loved her.

Elizabeth darling, I was so worried about you. Lucky called and said you were coming to New York, but then you never arrived and he couldnt find you in Port Charles. I cant tell you how worried I was.

Im sorry I made you worry, Elizabeth said softly.

Where were you Elizabeth?

I never made it out of Port Charles. Somehow the lies were becoming easier to say but the cost was getting higher and higher. I got sick and sort of collapsed at my studio.

Audrey sighed heavily. That could be the truth, but something told her that Elizabeth was lying. Oh Elizabeth.

Stung by the disappointment she heard in her Grams voice she blinked hard against the sudden onslaught of tears. W-what?

I thought you and Sarah had gotten past your differences. I thought you had made a fresh start before she ever left Port Charles.

We did. And that fresh start had lasted exactly two months before the calls and letters had dried up on both sides.

Then why arent you here? Honestly Elizabeth dont you realize how serious this is? She could very well die, and youre not here. Shes your sister Elizabeth, she deserves more then that from you.

You dont understand, Elizabeth whispered.

I understand what I see, or what I dont see. She hated to speak like this to Elizabeth but something had to be done before it was too late. I know you have had a problem with your parents, with Steven, with Sarah, but its time for all of you to realize how petty anger can be. Sarah needs you here and quite frankly if you dont come Ill never understand it. Audrey heard Elizabeths gasp and hardened her heart. Sarah will undergo surgery as soon as a respiratory infection clears up, most likely in 3 days. I hope you come to your senses and come see her before then. Im not trying to be cruel Elizabeth. I just know youll never forgive yourself if something happens to your sister and you never saw her. Think about it Elizabeth.

Without giving Elizabeth the opportunity to say a word, Audrey hung up the phone and moved quickly away. She was oblivious to the pained look on Jeffs face, and hurried on to the bathroom where she could cry in privacy.

How long she listened to the dial tone in her ear she didnt know, but she jolted when the phone was gently removed from her fingers and hung up.

Lucky carefully turned her around to face him. Did something happen to Sarah?

Mutely she shook her head and tried to step out of his embrace, but Lucky tightened his grip on her, pulling her against his chest. Its okay to cry Elizabeth.

Cry? Didnt he understand that if she gave into the tears that shed never find her way out of them. Sarah will have surgery, in 3 days. Gram thinks I should be there.

Lucky nodded in agreement. I think shes right. We need to be there for Sarah while she goes through this, groaning suddenly he backed away a step. On no, we cant be there.

Taking the opportunity he gave her Elizabeth stepped back farther. Why not?

Because thats the day of the photo shoot. And we cant miss that.

~Studio~

98 99 100

Counting in his head Jason did his last pushup and got quickly to his feet, swiping the water bottle off the floor he took a long drink. Elizabeths studio didnt make much of a gym, but at least this time she wasnt here to yell at him for exercising. He smirked at the memory then tensed when he heard a sound coming from the door. He was halfway to the closet when he heard a laugh he recognized, but knew wasnt Elizabeth. He shut the closet door, the same time the apartment door opened.

Are you sure we should be here?

Yes it will be fine trust me, Emily backed into the studio and tugged on his hands. Now get in here.

Bossy arent you? Zander asked shutting the door behind him. So what are we doing here?

We are, Emily began by wrapping her arms around his neck. Getting some privacy, she leaned closer and kissed his lips. Im tired of constantly being watched. I want some time alone with you, she finished and kissed him again this time longer.

Inside the closet Jason swallowed a curse and an instinct to step out of the closet and drag his sister away from Zander. He had wanted to see Emily, but not like this. Hitting the light on his watch he checked the time. Elizabeth should have been here already. He was unaccustomed to praying but he wished that Elizabeth would get here very soon, and break this up.

Not that Im not enjoying this, Zander admitted when they came up for air. But what if Elizabeth walks in on us? Shes finally starting to like me a little bit, that might change if she catches us on her couch.

Shes at work, filling in for Tammy, Emily tugged on his hips and brought him down on her, so they were both on the couch. Besides Im not sure if she would come here anyway. She looked pretty bad this morning. I think shes sick. Either that or shes in a very weird mood, she started asking me about when I first came to live with the Qs last night, frowning she broke off. Why are we talking about Elizabeth? Why are we talking at all?

I have no idea why were talking, Zander murmured before kissing her again.

Talk about Elizabeth, Jason whispered. Not only was he curious as to what Elizabeth had said, as long as they were talking it meant they werent doing other things. But all he heard was silence.

Zander was tempted to give in to her. God knows he had trouble controlling himself around her. But she was so very young, and everything was still so uncertain. Regretfully he drew back and moved until he was spooning her from behind. Talk to me.

Zander, Emily almost whined and squirmed against him.

Stop that and talk. This isnt going to happen like this, Zander informed her. So stop making us both miserable.

Emily groaned, turning her face into a pout. She knew he was only thinking of her, but sometimes she wished he wouldnt put her first. Sometimes she wished he would just be selfish and take the initiative. But another part of her was glad he wouldnt do that. So what do you want to talk about?

Why was Elizabeth upset? Because of all that model junk that Lucky is forcing her to do? Zander asked.

I dont know why she broke off suddenly. Wait what do you mean the model stuff hes forcing on her? Hes not forcing her to do anything.

Come on Emily open your eyes. Elizabeth wants to model about as much as you want Gia with Nikolas. Dont tell me you cant see that.

I dont, Emily stopped and considered his words. Whenever the subject of modeling had come up Elizabeth had been very quick to change the subject. And the times when she couldnt her expression had been pained. Maybe that is why she was upset. I dont know why she wouldnt tell me though.

Could she tell you if she was upset over this modeling, or with Lucky? Zander pressed.

Of course she could, Emily cried. Shes my best friend she can tell me anything.

But you also say Lucky is your best friend, youre oldest friend, how could she tell you if she was having a problem with him? Would you even hear her if she did?

Emily squirmed out of his hold so she was sitting on the edge of the couch. Of course I would hear her. But theres no problem. Elizabeth and Lucky have the kind of love and connection that most people only read about in books. You should have seen them when they were falling in love, they were inseparable, they were perfect together.

You did it again. Why do you always do that?

Do what?

Whenever you tell me about Lucky and Elizabeth and their perfect love, the examples you give me of it are all from before Lucky, he hesitated, died. You never mention anything that has happened since he returned.

Emily opened her mouth to correct him, only to shut it when he realized he was right. Uneasy she got to her feet and moved around to look at a half-finished panting on the easel.

Zander was unsure if he should go on, but since they were finally having this discussion he decided to finish it. Ive heard her sometimes, she mentions some disagreement with Lucky, and you brush it off. You say how perfect they are together, kind of like a knee-jerk reaction.

Ive done that to her?

Yes you have, Zander got to his feet and moved up behind her. I know you think they have this perfect love. That they have had it forever. But I cant see it, all I see is Lucky talking and not listening. And Elizabeth at times looking like she would rather be anywhere else then there with him.

Emily shook her head automatically.

Hear me out. I dont bring all the back history that you have. I never knew them before, Ive only been around them how they are now. And I have to tell you Emily, I dont see a loving, healthy relationship.

I dont know what to say to that. If youre right then Ive been missing a lot when it comes to my best friends, Emily turned to face him. I dont like that.

Maybe Elizabeth didnt tell you because she didnt want to put you in the middle. Youre their best friend, what would happen if you had to choose sides? Zander pulled her into a hug. All Im saying is the next time she mentions a problem with Lucky. Let her tell you about it, dont be so quick to brush it off.

Why are you being so nice about Elizabeth and Lucky? They havent exactly been that nice to you.

Elizabeth has been trying lately, Lucky, well he wont change his opinion of me. Zander hesitated then took a step back. Beside I kind of owe Elizabeth for what happened.

What do you mean what happened?

Emily weve never talked about this, Elizabeth and I really havent talked about it either. But the night I met her, I drugged her. Zander waited for her response.

But that was another life, youre not that person anymore, Emily cried immediately.

Emily Im not a murderer, or a rapist. But dont try to sugarcoat what I did either. I gave her a drink knowing it was laced, and I did it deliberately. I knew I wasnt going to hurt her, but she didnt know that. She didnt deserve what I did, Zander tucked his hands in his back pockets and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. As far as Im concerned. She has a really long leash with me. Also what little Ive gotten to know about her, through you, I like.

Why did you drug her? What were you trying to get from her? Emily asked the questions that a part of her didnt want to know the answer too. I know that for most people it takes more then one shot for someone to get addicted. So what were you doing?

Id seen her with Gia, Gia had seen me at the hotel that night. I didnt like the way they were talking, the way they looked at me. I wanted to find out what she knew, Zander offered the only explanation he could.

Emily left the next question unasked and merely nodded her head. Maybe we should go.

Are you upset with me? Zander asked while helping her on with her coat.

No, Im glad we talked though. I dont know if I agree with what you told me about Lucky and Elizabeth. But Im glad we talked nonetheless. As for the rest, she turned to face him. Sometime you and Elizabeth need to talk.

I know, but I think Ill wait until she likes me a little bit more, or at least until the trial is over. Zander held the door open for her.

That might be smart, Emily agreed.

Jason gave it an extra minute before he slowly opened the door and entered the studio again. The conversation he had overheard was unexpected, and enlightening. He hadnt known that Zander had once drugged Elizabeth. And he wasnt happy to find out about it now. Or the fact that Emily knew that and was dating him anyway.

Rubbing wearily at his neck he moved further into the studio. As for the rest of the conversation it had been very interesting. Zander had made some good observations, he only hoped Emily heard him. Elizabeth needed another friend in her corner, especially now. He glanced back at the rumpled spread on the couch. Another thing he knew was that thanks to Zander Emily wasnt in over her head yet. Even though that was more information then he wanted to have, he was relieved anyway.

Frowning he glanced at his watch again, it was getting late, and he couldnt help but wonder when Elizabeth would get here.

~Docks~

Sonny moved slowly, even though he knew he shouldnt. The longer he was on the docks, the more of a target he was and he knew that. With Johnny breathing down his neck, he knew the bodyguard didnt approve of the leisurely stroll they were taking. But Sonny ignored Johnny and took another slow step. Maybe he wanted to be a target. He wanted Sorel and the two traitors to make another attempt on him. He wanted all of this over.

His steps slowed even more when he spied a figure at the edge of the pier, looking out at the turbulent water, towards Spoon Island. Holding up his hand to stop Johnny he moved until he was standing beside her, facing the water. The first thing he noticed was how the wind was ice cold and stinging his face. He felt the little pinprick needles of frost instantly but he had a feeling his companion didnt. He huddled in his cashmere coat, and waited for her to make the first move.

I dont think you should be outside, you just got out of the hospital. Elizabeth said after a few minutes of silence.

I like being outside, Sonny answered.

And thats why your teeth are chattering? Elizabeth asked shooting him a glance. Isnt it dangerous for you to be one place for long?

Im fine. But maybe you should go inside.

She smiled mirthlessly. Why? No ones trying to kill me. I dont matter that much.

Elizabeth, he reached out a hand.

Dont. Elizabeth ordered and shifted away and almost immediately she felt bad. Im sorry.

For what? Sonny asked easily, choosing to ignore her actions. He knew something had been bothering her. Jason had admitted as much yesterday, and then it had been confirmed when he had seen her himself. But now he knew that whatever was going on with her, was far more serious then hed originally thought. You want to sit for a bit?

Elizabeth nodded slowly, grateful that he didnt question, and moved away from the water to the bench. She paused momentarily in surprise when she realized that the bench had been freshly brushed off. Glancing over she saw Johnny brushing snow from his gloves and she couldnt help but smile slightly. Shaking her head she sat down on the bench.

Sonny was careful to leave as much space as he could between them when he sat. Youre face is bright red, you must have been out here a while.

Absently she brought her gloved hand up to her cheeks. I dont know, I dont feel the cold anymore, shaking her head. Thats not true. Ive been so cold lately, that I dont feel the difference anymore.

Why is that? Sonny asked softly.

You dont want to know, Elizabeth brushed at some snow on her coat.

Yes I do, taking a chance he shifted slightly closer to her. Look at me Elizabeth.

Sighing heavily she finally raised her eyes.

Were friends, Sonny pressed. I wish you would talk to me, maybe I can help.

Maybe, Elizabeth hesitated then firmed her voice. Maybe we shouldnt be friends anymore.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 5


~Docks~

Maybe we shouldnt be friends anymore.

Sonny looked at her for a long minute, it was easy to read the serious look on her face. The mixture of emotions in her eyes were, also easy to see, but not so easy to read. Instinct warned him to tread lightly. That if he moved to fast or to strongly she would break. Why do you say that?

Unsure as Elizabeth was, as to where the original thought had come from, as soon as she said the words aloud she realized it made sense. I just think it would be easier if were not friends anymore. Although I may be jumping the gun here, are we even friends to begin with?

I consider us friends, Im sad that you dont. I dont have very many friends so I like to keep the ones I do, that includes you Elizabeth.

Elizabeth nodded but didnt really register his words. But we really havent been acting like friends though. Until yesterday I dont even remember the last time I saw you. Can you remember?

Frowning, Sonny shook his head.

Before Jason was shot I spoke to you a few times outside of Kellys but that was it. You were always friendly towards me, even from the first moment that Laura introduced us, you even told me to call you Sonny next time, she remembered with a ghost of a smile. But thats just how you are.

Elizabeth set the bag shed been gripping on the bench between them, her gloved, frozen fingers didnt want to unfurl so it took a second for her to finally let it drop. Sonny noticed that and wondered just how long she had been out here on the docks.

Things changed when Jason was shot. You needed to talk to me, because I was the only one hed let near him. Even though you respected his wishes, and didnt barge in the way Carly did, you still wanted to know about him. So it was sort of like an obligation. You needed me for information.

I didnt consider it an obligation, Sonny interrupted, but if Elizabeth heard she gave no sign of it.

Then later after Jason left, I knew he told you to help me if I ever needed it. And thats what you did when Sorel came around. You helped because Jason wanted you too, and also because you felt guilty. You came around Kellys a lot after that and sometimes we talked, but that was only for show, she focused on him again. So you see there really hasnt been a friendship.

You were there for me the night Carly fell, and I had to let my son die, Sonny reminded her of the night that still haunted him. You listened to me, you held me that night. There was no obligation in that.

Even in the numbness she had cloaked herself in Elizabeth could see the pain in his eyes. I wanted to help if I could. But I didnt do much.

You did more than you know, he corrected her. Maybe our friendship did begin the way you say it did, me seeking you out, or you seeking me out because of Jason. But I think weve moved past that. I know Ive told you things that I dont tell people I feel obligated too. Youre right we havent seen each other in awhile. But that doesnt change the fact that if you came to me tomorrow or five years from now and wanted my help, or just a dinner, I would do it, and it wouldnt be out of obligation. It would be because I wanted too. I told you once I dont just say things to be polite. I only say them when I mean them.

Elizabeth sighed wearily, she knew he probably wouldnt listen to her but she had felt the need to try. And as much as she hated to admit it, somewhere deep inside of her, a small part of her soul had warmed again at his words. The feeling was unsettling for her so she made another effort.

Friendship shouldnt be based on what one person can do for another, she spoke after another minute. It shouldnt be based on obligation either, it should just be.

I agree, Sonny nodded and waited for her next volley.

Sometimes in order to be a real friend, in order to do what is best for someone else, sometimes you have to do hard things. Thats what Im trying to do here. Im trying to end the friendship to make things easier.

Resting his head on his chin he studied her. So being my friend complicates your life?

Surprise had her focusing on him. No I meant it would make your life easier.

Now you lost me.

Sonny I dont want to be one of the reasons you and Carly fight. You have enough on your mind right now without having to get in the middle of us.

Carly and I are used to fighting, Sonny explained.

Tell me the truth Sonny, if she were to show up here right now, shed be all over you for talking to me, wouldnt she?

He felt strangely unable to lie or to evade her question once he met her eyes. Yes.

She nodded in relief. You have a lot to worry about. Youre still recovering from getting shot, your still worried that it may happen again, you have she glanced over at her studio. The cold sunlight was hitting the windows in a way that reflected the pale light back. You have a lot of other issues to worry about without adding a fight with Carly over our friendship.

Elizabeth I will always consider you my friend, Sonny said firmly.

I was afraid youd say that.

~New York~

Jeff for heavens sake youre going to wear a hole in the carpet, Claire snapped bitchily. Either stay in one place or sit down. One or the other.

Sorry, Jeff obediently took a seat.

Claire glanced across the room at Sarah who was still sleeping peacefully. What has gotten you so wound up?

Its Lizzie.

Grimacing Claire looked back at the magazine. I dont know why youre still thinking about her. Shes gone and she wont be back. You need to focus all your energy on Sarah and Steven their surgery is in a few days.

Jeff had always considered his wife the most beautiful woman hed ever seen. But in that instant, hearing the dismissal in her voice, her beauty was only ice. He was reminded of the old cartoon hed watched with Sarah, Snow White. The Queen in that one had been beautiful as well, yet her coldness had made her beauty seem empty. He quickly blinked the unsettling comparison away. I spoke with her earlier. Shes back in Port Charles.

Claire flipped a page in the magazine but didnt say anything.

Audrey overheard us on the phone and demanded to speak with Lizzie. Im afraid she ripped into her pretty good about staying away from Sarah when Sarah needs her the most. I dont like that. Lizzie was here, Audrey doesnt know that.

What do you want to do Jeff? Do you want to tell Audrey why you sent Lizzie away? She closed the magazine and eyed him coldly. Do you want to deal with that now, on top of everything else that is going on? Besides what if Lizzie does come back, do you honestly believe she will behave herself? When has Lizzie ever behaved herself? Shell turn everything around so it is all about the wrongs being done to her, and divide our energies from where they should be. And that is on Sarah and her recovery.

God Claire, when did you become so unfeeling? Jeff demanded. You didnt see her face when I told her the truth. It was like I ripped the world out from under her. How can you not be worried about her? You raised her.

Its simple Jeff, I dont care because I dont love her, I never have, she answered calmly. You can call me callous if you like, but at least Im not a hypocrite. Before the other night you hadnt even seen her since she was 15, so dont try to tell me about all this concern you suddenly have for her.

But you did love her once Claire, he reminded her. Somehow that is the cruelest part in this whole thing. You did love her once, and Lizzie remembers that, she also remembers when you stopped. Her sixth birthday. She had your love and then overnight it was gone.

You took it away when you told me the truth, Claire hissed, getting upset in spite of herself. Dont act superior with me, you never loved her.

The dart struck home and Jeff drew back. I just dont think she deserves to be the bad guy in this. Out of everyone involved shes the only innocent.

Lizzie has never been innocent so dont try to canonize her now, because your feeling guilty, Claire opened the magazine again, signaling the end of the discussion. Im not heartless, Im glad she wasnt hurt during her wanderings. Shes out of our lives, back in that town that Audrey insists on calling home, and with those people she considers her friends. Just let it all go Jeff and concentrate on your daughter. Lizzie can take care of herself, she always has.

Youre right she always has because no one else would, Jeff finished caustically.

~Docks~

Do you believe in God?

Sonny had barely recovered from the last conversational onslaught when she began another one. Yes.

My fam she trailed off. The Webbers are a medical family. Two doctors another in med school, so religion never really had that much of a role in my life growing up. With the whole God complex that doctors seem to suffer from, they believe that there is a scientific explanation for everything, so who needs to believe in a God?

Everyone needs something to believe in.

The Webbers believe in science. Science over theology. Skill over God, shaking her head she focused on a coffee cup that the wind was taking down the docks, the dark liquid splattered on the fresh snow, leaving the dark trails of its path in its wake. Do you think God holds grudges?

No, Sonny answered simply.

So you dont believe in that verse, the wicked must be punished?

Sonny hesitated, there were times in his life that he did believe in that. The people he lost, at times seemed like a punishment from God. God would take the people he wanted most in his life instead of him. His mother, his children, Brenda. Bad things happen, sometimes theres not an explanation for them they just do, he repeated the words that had been told to him over and over again.

Im used to bad things, Elizabeth murmured. I wasnt an evil person, but I was very selfish, I suppose I still am. I deliberately hurt people, I lied, I was bad more then I was good, but I dont think I was evil.

Youre not evil, Ive seen evil first hand, and your not it, Sonny told her.

Maybe, but maybe God likes to teach people lessons, so he sends the bad, to get them to change, the wind picked up and as the frigid air blew through her she smiled. I must need to learn a lot. First Valentines Day, then Lucky dying, Jason leaving, Lucky coming back, and the Webbers. Sooner or later youd think Id learn right?

Elizabeth, Sonny touched her hand getting her attention. I dont know what happened to hurt you, or upset you, but I dont believe your being punished by god. He couldnt be more surprised when she began to laugh at that.

The laughter cut off abruptly when it took a near hysterical turn. Youre right Sonny, God isnt punishing me, Im not that important. See I told you I was selfish, she drew her hand away from him. Here Im going on about my monumental problems, and your sitting here listening, probably freezing to death. And you havent once mentioned that at least no ones trying to kill me, the way they tried to kill you six weeks ago. It kind of puts it all into perspective doesnt it? No matter how bad I think my life is, theres always someone in worse shape.

Everybodys own private hell is the worst," Sonny contended. "Theres no my suffering is greater than yours, theres just pain.

Youre a nice man Sonny, dont ever change, slowly she got to her feet. You dont hide who you are, neither does Jason. You say what you mean, and you make no apologies or excuses for it. A lot of people the so-called pillars of the community could learn from you. But they wont. They like to hide what they do, and give off this image of someone who is beyond reproach. I must be more like them then I thought, she finished on a whisper, then shook the unsettling realization away. I respect you and Jason so much for not being like the rest of us.

Elizabeth, Sonny stood and reached out for her again but she backed away. Are you sure your okay? Why dont we go to your studio? I know Jason would like to see you.

Im sorry Sonny you caught me at a bad time, dont worry Im not crazy, or suicidal, she tried to brush away his concern. Im just melancholy, it must be the time of year. Thats his lunch in the bag, can you take it to Jason? I have to get to L&B.

Im sure hed rather see you then me, Sonny knew that was the truth. Why dont you bring it up to him?

I dont think thats smart, and Im trying to be smart. Besides I thought you were on your way to see him.

I was but I can come back later, Sonny didnt want to leave her alone while she was upset. Somehow he knew that even though she wouldnt confide in him at what had upset her, she would tell Jason, so he wanted her to see him.

No, I really have to go, Im late as it is.

Wait, is there something you want me to tell him? Sonny held up the bag. I mean he was expecting you to bring this not me.

He'll already know Im not coming, hes been watching us, me this whole time, Elizabeth said simply. Couldnt you feel him?

Surprised Sonny glanced towards the window of the studio but couldnt make anything out because of the glare.

I brought him groceries before I left town yesterday, she faltered then went on. So he has food, tell him Ill come by tomorrow, maybe.

Elizabeth wait, Sonny called after her, but she moved surprisingly fast and was gone before the echo of the words had even died.

Is she okay Sonny? Johnny asked when he joined his boss.

I dont think she is Johnny, Sonny murmured. I dont think she is.

~Studio~

Recognizing the tread of the man coming Jason opened the door quickly. He nodded briefly at Johnny then shut the door behind Sonny. I thought you were going to leave Johnny behind.

He refused to stay away this time. Hes getting antsy. Hell we're all getting antsy, you probably more then most, Sonny moved over to the heater, in an attempt to get warm. He noticed a water bottle on the windowsill and realized that Elizabeth was probably right. Jason probably had been watching them. How long had she been on the dock before I showed up?

A half an hour. A very frustrating half hour. He couldnt leave the studio, the risk of the wrong person seeing him was too great. He also couldnt call anybody and tell them to check on her because he wasnt supposed to be in town, and he couldnt call Sonny because of the danger Sonny was already in. So in the end all he could do was stand at the window and watch as she stared out at the water and froze. He had never felt so damn frustrated in his life.

That must have been hard for you, the tingles in his fingers meant that the warmth was slowly waking the frozen digits. She didnt, she wasnt, he sighed. Is there anything I can do to help her?

No, she got some hard news and is trying to figure out how to deal with it, Jason offered an over-simplified explanation.

Not wanting to pry, but curious all the same Sonny went on. She wanted to end our friendship. She thought it would be easier for me if we werent friends anymore.

Rubbing tiredly at his eyes Jason moved to the couch and sat down with a sigh. Shes trying to isolate, push people away, he looked over at his friend when Sonny sat beside him. Shes reminding me of you.

Smiling at the jab Sonny spoke. She had me bring your lunch, and told me to tell you she would be by tomorrow, maybe. It looks like Im not the only one shes trying to push away.

Trying is the key word, Jason snapped moving back to the window.

Im not quitting on her either, I just thought you should know. But it looks like I picked the right time to step up the plan.

What do you mean? Jason moved back to the couch. Did something else happen?

Pushing to his feet Sonny began to prowl the room. Not yet but its going too.

When?

On Valentines Day, he smirked. It seemed appropriate. Im going to call a meeting at the warehouse. The traitor, whoever he is, will tell Sorel, his eyes took on a martial gleam. It will be too good to pass up. A pre-emptive strike against me and everybody who works for me, he caught Jason nodding out of the corner of his eye and was relieved to have his support.

Except for my ex-Lieutenant Jason who told me to go to hell and went to Italy, his smile turned nasty. Sorel will never see it coming.

Thats good, Jason moved past him towards the window. I got a clear line of sight to the warehouse.

Yeah? Sonny trailed him.

Through here, Jason pointed. So Ill be ready.

Good well be able to finish this, once and for all," Sonny glanced at his friend. "That way the next time you see Elizabeth on the dock, you will be able to help her.

Thats not why were doing this, Jason reminded him.

No, but its still a good reason to have the meeting sooner rather then later, Sonny sighed. Im tired of this Jason. I want this over.

Its never really over. There will always be another Sorel.

Working the stiff gloves back on his hands Sonny merely nodded. But well get the traitor and thats what counts.

Yes thats what counts.

So can you handle another day or so in this place? Sonny asked trying to lighten the mood.

Ive stayed in worse places.

Sonny nodded and moved to the door. I have a feeling you dont mind staying here, because of Elizabeth. And I have a feeling that she can no more stay away from you then you can stay away from her, problem or not. He remembered her comment, about feeling Jason watching them, and realized that her feelings for his best friend when deep. He wondered if she knew how deep.

Jason ignored the comment and said goodbye. Ill see you.

~L&B~

The record studio/design house was normally a noisy and happening place. The phones were always ringing, deliveries and faxes were always coming in. The next band desperate to be discovered, were always coming to the door. Thats the way it normally was, but today it wasnt.

Today it was deathly quiet and peaceful. And that was exactly what Elizabeth didnt want. She wanted to get lost in the noise and confusion the business offered her, she needed to get lost for awhile, but in the two hours shed been here, the phone had only rang once. That left her with far too much time to think.

So by the time Nikolas came through the door she almost screamed in relief. Hi.

Elizabeth, he shot her a smile and took off his coat. I thought I would never get out of that meeting. Ned owes me for taking this one.

That bad?

You dont want to know, grimacing at the folder he dropped it on Neds desk. The follow-up was all his. How are you feeling? He asked before moving to the coffeepot on the counter.

Im okay, nervously she ran a hand through her hair and averted her gaze. Are we still friends Nikolas?

The cup paused midway up to his mouth and he stared at her in surprise. Of course were friends. Why would you ever doubt it?

I mean are we real friends like we were once, or am I just Luckys girlfriend to you, she saw his confusion. You know things have changed between us since Lucky came home, I just wanted to know how you see us.

Nikolas wanted to blow her question off, change the subject, or ignore it entirely. But as she had just pointed out once they had been very good friends, and judging from her serious expression something was driving her into pursuing this. It was awkward for awhile. You dont want to hear this, and I dont want to say it, but I was in love with you for a time.

Elizabeth blanched.

See I knew you didnt want to hear that, he worked up a smile. And no you didnt give me any mixed signals. I knew my feelings werent returned, and would never be returned, but they were my feelings I couldnt help them. And they were still there, even after we knew about Lucky, so I had to push you away.

Puzzled she settled back on the couch. Nikolas had kissed her once, and the awkwardness of that had lasted for months, but she had thought he had moved past that impulse. It appeared she was wrong.

Dont worry Im over you, Nikolas settled beside her and patted her hand. It took time but I know Im not in love with you anymore.

I dont know what to say, Elizabeth admitted awkwardly.

Personally I hope you say nothing to anybody.

Is that why you treated me differently? Why you still treat me differently? Elizabeth asked after another minute.

I dont treat you differently anymore. At first I did, I needed to bury my feelings for you, so I taught myself only to see you as the woman Lucky loved. Even though he said he didnt love you, I knew he did, so thats how I had to think of you.

An extension of Lucky, she whispered. She wasnt surprised to hear that. Wasnt that how she had been defined her whole life? She was never just defined because of herself, it was always because of someone else. Sarahs little sister, the youngest Webber child, the girl who was raped, the girl who loved Lucky

It sounds bad when you say it like that, Nikolas interrupted her thoughts. But I guess its true. I havent thought of you like that in a long time though.

You still treat me like it, she murmured.

No I dont, he shook his head in denial.

Yes you do. Nikolas when was the last time you and I talked about anything that didnt have to do with Lucky? When have we had a conversation that his name wasnt mentioned? When was the last time you asked me about my art or even snowboarding? Elizabeth asked.

When he went to answer her he realized he couldnt, because he didnt remember.

You cant because we havent been close like that in a very long time. We used to be close, you once considered me your best friend. Now all we do is talk about Lucky, Deception, Emily dating Zander, but we dont just talk, she saw his stricken expression and felt bad. Dont feel so bad Nikolas I didnt try to talk to you either.

Didnt you? Arent you right now? In studying her again he saw her paleness and the dark circles under her eyes, and realized that there was something going on with her, something he had been to blind to see.

Shrugging Elizabeth got to her feet and moved over to the desk she was using. If I asked you to try to be that friend again, for just a minute anyway, would you?

Yes.

Nodding she reached in a drawer and pulled out some contact sheets. Then as my friend who tells me things that he knows I dont want to hear. But he tells me them anyway because it is for my own good. Will you look at these photos and see if I have what it takes to be a model?

Frowning Nikolas reached for the sheets, when he took them he brushed her hand and couldnt help but notice how cold it was. Elizabeth.

Im only asking for the truth. You used to work at Deception, you have experience in the ad game use it. Please tell me the truth, Im so tired of lies.

Moving to his desk he pulled a loupe from the door, to study the prints better. It only took a minute to see the truth, but he took his time examining each photo from every angle. Finally he could stall no more and looked up.

The truth, she reminded him.

Looking at these photos, and knowing you, I have to say no. The camera knows your uncomfortable, its evident in all of these shots, even the ones that Lucky took. It's evident that you're still holding something back. Youre a beautiful woman Elizabeth, but your look is very set, it's defined. Models need to have several looks, that way they can sell all sorts of products, he held out the test shots. I dont see that here, Im sorry.

Thank you, she whispered in relief.

What the hell are you saying? Lucky demanded from the doorway.

At his yell Elizabeth jumped and turned around to look at her boyfriend. Recognizing the look in his eyes as anger she couldnt help but draw back slightly.

Lucky, Nikolas began.

I cant believe you would tell Elizabeth that she shouldnt be a model, Lucky yelled advancing on his brother. I didnt realize that Gia had you snowed so much that you would lie to Elizabeth.

Lucky stop I asked his opinion, Elizabeth tried to intercede.

I never even mentioned Gia, Nikolas defended himself. Elizabeth asked me about her shots, not Gias she asked my opinion and I gave it to her.

Well we all know your opinion is biased because youre living with Gia, hell your probably sleeping with her so it sure isnt an honest one, Lucky cried loudly.

Lucky you need to stop right now, Nikolas sharpened his voice in warning. You have no right to discuss Gias and my relationship when you know nothing about it.

See he admits it, Lucky turned his focus on Elizabeth. You cant believe him Elizabeth. He just wants to get you to drop out of the competition because he knows Gia wont beat you.

Whats all the shouting? A sleepy-eyed Emily Quartermaine moved down the stairs, followed by an equally sleepy looking Zander.

Nikolas was just telling Elizabeth she didnt have what it takes to be a model, Lucky sniped. Hes trying to get her to quit so his girlfriend will get the job.

Stop Lucky, I asked his opinion, Elizabeth tried again to get through. He gave me it, dont attack him for it.

But hes lying, Lucky caught her hands in his and drew her closer. Dont you see hes trying to wreck our dream?

Unnerved Elizabeth tried to ease out of his hold, but his fingers tightened his grip on hers. I asked him

Hes scared that Gia wont win thats all, Lucky went on desperately. You know this is our dream, you cant quit on it.

When did this become our dream? Elizabeth asked softly.

I think you owe her an apology, an irate Lucky never even heard her words. Or if he did he blocked them out while he focused on his brother.

Rubbing wearily at her throbbing temples Elizabeth sat back on the couch. She wasnt surprised that he didnt hear her. Lately it felt like she could be screaming and he still wouldnt hear her.

all I see is Lucky talking and not listening. And Elizabeth at times looking like she would rather be anywhere else then there with him.

An unbidden memory of Zanders words came to Emily and she looked at him in question. Zander nodded and jerked his shoulder in the direction of Elizabeth who was sitting on the couch, her arms wrapped around her waist, her focus on the door.

Im not going to apologize, Nikolas answered adamantly. Elizabeth asked me my honest opinion and I gave it to her, I wont lie to her now. She knows I wasnt trying to hurt her. You should know that too.

Lucky scoffed at that remark and turned back to Elizabeth. Crouching in front of her, he took her ice-cold hands in his. Dont listen to him Elizabeth. This is our dream, what weve been working for. You and me are going to be so big together. Dont let his opinions make you doubt. Youre perfect this job, you make a perfect model.

But Lucky I

No listen Elizabeth, I know youre scared because of what happened with Tom. But this is a totally different situation. This is going to be perfect because we'll be together, Lucky squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek, before getting to his feet. Dont ever do this again Nikolas.

Elizabeth was stunned at his casual dismissal of Tom. The cold way he had brought it up like it didnt really matter, was incomprehensible to her. Especially given that Valentines Day was almost here. She focused on him and saw his mouth moving, but the words wouldnt penetrate the protective shell of numbness that was surrounding her.

Lucky you need to back off, Emily tried to play peacemaker, but she was angry herself, while Lucky hadnt noticed Elizabeths stricken expression at the mention of Tom she had. It sounds like this was between Elizabeth and Nikolas. It doesnt concern you or me.

Everything about Elizabeth concerns me, Lucky turned on her the same time his pager went off. He pulled it loose and recognized the number. I have to get to Deception, he paused in front of Elizabeth. Youre not going to give up on our dream are you?

Life would be so much easier if she just agreed. If she didnt he would stay and argue with her, she wasnt in the mood for arguing. Besides he would get his way in the end, she always gave in, in the end. It was easier that way. Wasnt that what she wanted for her life? To be easy? No Lucky Im not giving up.

Her words were stiff and stilted, they sounded hollow to everyones ears. Everyones but Luckys that is. Because he nodded, kissed her cheek and with a final glare of warning directed towards his brother he was gone.

~Studio~

Jason remained at his post by the window when the phone began to ring. He listened to her outgoing message and waited to see if it was Elizabeth calling in. She had called him once before that way. But the woman's voice was one he didn't recognize, so he began to tune it out until a name caught his attention.

"Liz it's Sarah. I know you're probably surprised to hear from me, but I really need to talk to you. Actually I would really like to see you. I know we've never been real close, and that's probably mostly my fault, but I've had a lot of time to think while laying here in this bed, and it's sort of changed my perspective. We were starting to get closer before I left Port Charles, and I was hoping that you might want to work on that again. I'd like to see you. I'd really like to see you before my surgery, but if you can't make it, I understand. Hopefully we can get together after the surgery. I know things are strained with mom and dad right now, but maybe I can swing it so you don't even have to see them. I'd really like to see you Lizzie, sorry old habits, I'd like to see you Liz. Please think about it. Either way I love you. Bye."

Sighing Jason moved from the window back to the couch. He didn't know Sarah, but it sounded like she had just made a real effort with Elizabeth. He knew enough to know that if Sarah had made that offer a few days ago, Elizabeth would have been thrilled, but right now he wasn't so sure.

In a way he was glad that Sonny had decided to press the issue with Sorel, Carlos, and the traitor. As much as he liked seeing Elizabeth, he was more then ready to get out of the studio and see other people, like Carly, Emily, Michael, and Lila. He also wanted to help Elizabeth if he could. To do that he needed to be able to seek her out if necessary. He understood her desire to isolate herself, and wasn't surprised that she was trying to stay away from him now.

A part of him was worried that she might keep withdrawing from him. But another part of him knew that their relationship was too strong for her to do that. Unspoken or not a line had been crossed between them in the last few weeks, and in the last few days especially. Walking away, for either of them, would not be easy this time.

~L&B~

I am sorry if I upset you Elizabeth, Nikolas spoke when the door shut on his brother.

You didnt I asked for your opinion, she answered listlessly. Im sorry that Lucky yelled at you like that, he had no right.

Glancing towards Zander, Nikolas hesitated then lowered his voice. He shouldnt have mentioned Tom.

Elizabeth retreated even farther into herself. Tom has no power over me anymore, lying through her teeth she mustered up a smile for Emily. Sorry we disturbed your nap.

Its okay, Emily said immediately before turning her head and shooting Zander a look. He nodded and retreated up the stairs. She next focused on Nikolas who nodded as well.

I need to go over this file with Ned, Nikolas stepped back and began heading for the recording studio.

Okay now that were alone how are you really? Emily asked.

Im fine.

Liar, Emily waited for Elizabeth to flash in anger at that remark but Elizabeths focus remained on the door. I know something is upsetting you, Id like to know what it is.

The temptation to confide in Emily was strong, much stronger then the temptation to tell Lucky was, and that was what stopped her from saying anything at all. I was just a little worried about the Deception competition. Its no big deal, everythings fine now.

Everything is fine, except for the fact that you dont want to be a model, and the only reason you are even trying to be one is because of Lucky. Now that her eyes had been opened Emily wasnt about to pull any punches.

Who said that?

You did, only Lucky didnt hear, which isnt surprising. You must have told me before as well, and I didnt hear until today, Emily softened her tone. You need to tell him the truth Elizabeth.

The truth will end his dream, I mean our dream, Elizabeth hastily corrected herself. Its no big deal, if Nikolas is right and the photos dont lie, Laura will soon see that Im not a model. Besides there's no way in hell that Carly will ever hire me to model for her company.

Wouldnt it be easier to just say Lucky I dont want to model? Emily asked.

No that would be so much harder Emily, tucking her hands in her sleeves she shifted farther away from Emily. Dont worry about it, things will work out, they always do. And this way Luckys happy. Thats whats important.

How long had Elizabeths voice sounded so falsely cheery? And how long would she have believed the words Elizabeth said if she hadnt had the truth pointed out to her by Zander? The questions were hard to answer, because in answering them it would show how she had stopped being a real friend to Elizabeth. But how do you feel Elizabeth?

Surprised at the question Elizabeth faced her friend. Why are you asking me how I feel?

Because youre my friend and I want to know.

You havent asked me that in months, Elizabeth commented. No one really has except for Sonny and she stopped herself from mentioning Jasons name. Im fine. Lucky and I are deliriously happy and in love. We have a brand new dream that is going to come true for us.

Shaking her head and cursing her blindness Emily decided to call Elizabeth on her words. You dont sound happy, you dont act happy. The words you just said dont ring true. It sounds like youre only saying them because youre expected too. I want to know how you feel Elizabeth, how you really feel about Lucky, not what you think I want to hear.

Jarred Elizabeth got to her feet and turned her back on Emilys probing gaze. How she felt? She loved Lucky of course. It was all she had left. She wasnt Audreys granddaughter anymore, she wasnt the youngest Webber anymore. She wasnt the family screw-up, the brat who never learned. She wasnt a Webber anymore so what did that leave her?

Was she only Elizabeth a B+ art student, and would be model who had worked in the same diner since she was 15? Shaking her head she rubbed her hands over her arms. There had to be more to her then just that. And there was, thanks to Lucky.

She was the girl who loved Lucky, the girl who lost Lucky, the girl who found Lucky. That was who she was. She wasnt a Webber anymore, so if she lost Lucky she would be nobody. Nothing. Luckys love was the only thing she could point to, to define who she was, without it she would have nothing left. She had to cling to that, even though a part of her was screaming that she wasn't that girl anymore. She had to be that girl, or there was nothing of her left.

Elizabeth, Emily touched her arm.

Startled Elizabeth jerked away and pasted a big smile on her face. I'm telling you the truth Emily. I love Lucky, well be together forever. Just like a permanent lock.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 6


~Studio~

Jason had developed patience over the years. Hed had too it was necessary if he wanted to survive in his line of work. If he didn't want to die he'd had to learn how to bide his time, it wasn't easy but he'd finally learned how. But inactivity was another story. Inactivity was something he wasnt used too. He didnt like to be cooped up. He didnt like not being able to ride his bike when he wanted too. He missed playing pool, he missed being outside, but most of all he missed seeing Elizabeth. He felt like he was slowly going out of his mind.

He was used to being alone, in fact most times he preferred to be alone. But at this particular moment, he would give anything for the door behind him to open and Elizabeth to walk through it. But the door remained stubbornly closed as it had since the day before when Sonny had walked out of it. Sonny was right when hed said Elizabeth was going to try to push him away. Jason knew she was doing but he wasnt about to let her succeed.

However, he was limited in what he could do about it at the moment. Given the situation he was in, he had to wait for her to come to him and thus far she was making herself conspicuously absent. As of now she didnt even know about the message she had received from Sarah. Elizabeth would show up eventually, all he had to do was wait, he just needed to find something too do to help pass the time. His eyes swept the studio in search of a distraction and his blue eyes lit when he found one.

~Docks~

Elizabeth had begun to mark her life in hours. It was roughly 72 hours since shed found out who she was, or make that, wasnt. 38 hours since shed seen the one person who had made her feel halfway human since shed learned the truth. 24 hours since shed vowed to her best friend that she was ecstatically happy. 12 hours since shed avoided being with her boyfriend by claiming illness. 6 hours since her voice had locked up and shed hung up on the NY Hospital nurses station, before she could find out about Sarah. And finally it had been 1 hour of staring blindly at the water and the buoy that seemed to stand no matter what hit it.

Knowing she should move, and actually moving were two different things, so she stayed put. Feeling in her feet, and hands had long since disappeared. Her face felt partially frozen due to the arctic breeze coming off the river, frostbite was becoming a dangerous possibility, yet she still didnt move.

Some part of her believed she was close to figuring out what to do next. The drone that seemed to have been in her ears since the hospital was gradually going quiet, leaving her with the first feeling of peace and quiet shed had for days.

Another part of her knew that she couldnt keep this up. She couldnt just exist forever. Sooner or later she was going to have to deal with what shed found out, she was going to have to deal with the Webbers, she was going to have to deal with her Grandmother, but more importantly she was going to have to deal with Lucky. It wasnt fair to keep shutting him out like this. It wasnt fair and he didnt deserve it. Lucky had told her repeatedly that the only reason he was ever able to forgive his parents, after discovering the truth about their past, was because of her. He had leaned on her during that awful time with his parents, it was only fitting that she should lean on him during this mess with the Webbers, wasnt it?

And yet, the place where her mind and surprisingly her heart were telling her to go was not to Deception, where Lucky was setting up his darkroom, but to her studio where Jason was waiting. She wasnt foolish enough to believe that he was waiting for her, and her only. But she did know that he would welcome her with one of those soft smiles that made his eyes shine. It was a smile, that he rarely let anyone else see, but one that he showed to her often.

Elizabeth?

Too numb to be startled Elizabeth merely shifted until she could see who was talking. S-sonny?

Hey, Sonny nodded and moved forward slowly until he joined her at the edge.

Hi, dismissing him Elizabeth turned back to the water.

This is becoming a habit. Sonny commented after another minute, already his hands, even though they were inside his fur-lined gloves, were beginning to freeze.

Elizabeth merely nodded.

Studying her from the corner of his eye, he could tell from her complexion that she had been outside for quite some time and it concerned him. She was so slight, it looked like a stiff wind would knock it over, and yet she was still standing.

I still say you should be inside somewhere. Its too dangerous for you to stand outside like this. You could still be a target.

I tell you what, Ill make you a deal, Sonny tried out his best grin trying to soften her up. Ill go inside if you come with me.

Sighing Elizabeth ducked her head and considered his request. Why do I get the feeling that if I say no, youll decide to stand out here and freeze with me?

Saying nothing Sonny merely smiled at her and began to rock on his feet.

I thought so, turning she carefully made her way past him and began to walk.

Where are you going? Sonny asked.

Inside, that is the deal right? Elizabeth tossed the question over her shoulder and kept walking.

Yeah but, trailing off Sonny frowned up in the direction of the studio before walking away from it and after her. I thought wed go to the studio.

Why? Theres no hot chocolate there, Elizabeth deliberately played dumb.

Sonny was old enough that he knew when he could win an argument and when he couldnt so he didnt even grumble as he began moving after her.

~*~

Thanks Tammy, Elizabeth managed a tight smile for her friend but made no move to pick up the steaming mug in front of her. The tingling pain in her hands told her she had been out on the docks for far too long.

You know were friends right? Sonny asked quietly. She froze for a minute then nodded slowly. Then as your friend I wish youd talk to me.

Two conversations in two days Sonny? Dont you think that might be pushing things a bit? Elizabeth replied a little caustically.

Acknowledging the jab Sonny offered a wry smile. So we dont talk very much. I like to think that our friendship is strong because of the quality of our conversations not the quantity of them.

Taking a chance on her shaking hand she reached for her mug. Did you cruise by a greeting card store today Sonny? Because that sounds like something you would find on an I miss you card.

Surprised at her tone he took a long sip of his coffee and studied her. It seemed she had more defense mechanisms than he was aware of and he could count sarcasm as one of them.

Elizabeth shifted under his scrutiny, cupping her hands around her cup she gave in. Sorry.

Dont worry about it. He was pleased to note that her shivering had stopped. You have a point. We havent been close, so I dont blame you for not wanting to talk to me.

I dont have anything to say, Elizabeth lied bringing the shaking cup to her lips.

Sonny went on like she hadnt even spoken. But there is someone you can talk too. Someone you are close too. Someone who is willing to listen. Someone who wants to listen. Someone who knows that you're trying to shove him out of your life but is determined not to go anywhere.

Flushing guiltily Elizabeth kept her eyes on her cocoa.

I think youll find it harder to stonewall Jason then it is me.

Im not stonewalling you, I just dont have anything to say.

Right, and your standing on the docks in 10 degree weather because you like a frozen nose, Sonny shook his head. Face it Elizabeth your avoiding Jason, he knows it, I know it, and you know it.

Warming her hands on her mug she avoided his eyes. I just think it would be better if I dont see him right now.

Better for who? You? Because I know its not better for Jason, he leaned closer and lowered his voice. He cares about you. He knows your hurting and he wants nothing more than to help you, but you wont let him.

I cant, Elizabeth whispered brokenly.

Why?

I depended on Lucky once when I was in hell, and when he died it almost destroyed me. I have to deal with this myself. Because when it comes right down to it, the only person I can ever depend on in this world is me, she brushed the lone tear that slipped past her guard, off her face. Im all I got.

It was strange to hear words that hed said on more than one occasion parroted back to him with such desperation. At that moment it was like looking in a mirror.

You know Im right. Elizabeth said mournfully when he didnt deny her words right away, and a small part of her that still hoped she was wrong began to die.

No youre not. You cant close yourself off from people Elizabeth. As long as you reach out, as long as you let people in, youre not alone. But when you shut down and close people out, the only person you hurt is yourself. How many times had he heard those words directed at him? Dozens? Hundreds? Everyone from Brenda, to Mike, to Carly at some point theyd all accused him of doing exactly what he was counseling Elizabeth not to do. The irony of that wasnt lost on him.

Elizabeth wanted to believe him and yet she didnt. She was so tired of trying, so tired of believing, so tried of being knocked down. She didnt want to hurt anymore. Caring about people meant opening herself up to the possibility of being hurt, and she was so tired of that.

Elizabeth? Without thinking Sonny touched her hand and when she jolted he quickly let go. Talk to me.

Im not alone, I have Lucky. I can talk to him if I want too, Elizabeth said in desperation.

Then why arent you? Sonny shot back.

Well isnt this cozy?

The strident feminine voice interrupted them. For the first time in her life Elizabeth was relieved to see Carly. The blonde's appearance kept her from trying to answer a question she had no desire to even think about.

Sonny watched Elizabeth withdraw and cursed inwardly. His wife always had the worst timing. Carly.

Sonny. Staking her claim Carly bent down and gave him a kiss. Dont you have work to do? She demanded of Elizabeth.

Carly, Sonny started in warning.

What? Shes a waitress, she should be serving people, Carly snapped back.

Im not working right now Carly, Elizabeth informed her coolly.

Then I suggest you leave I need to speak with my husband. Carlys emphasis was on the word my.

Irritation began to pierce some of the numbness that cloaked Elizabeth and she rolled her eyes.

Carly, Elizabeth is my friend, dont talk to her that way. Sonny spoke quickly.

Dont tell me what to do, I dont work for you.

Not wanting to cause Sonny anymore problems Elizabeth got stiffly to her feet and began to pull on her still damp coat. I need to get going.

We havent finished our conversation yet, rising as well he tried to stall her departure.

Let her go Sonny shes probably on the way to get some last minute tips on how to be a stiff as a board mannequin before the test shoot in a few days.

Dont, Elizabeth touched Sonnys arm before he could round on his wife. Its not worth it. Carly cant hurt me.

Really? Carly couldnt help but feel a little insulted.

Yes really. Showing the first sign of life all day Elizabeth turned on the blonde. Your taunts dont mean a thing because you dont mean anything to me. Words can only hurt if the person saying them matters. You dont. Turning her back in dismissal she smiled softly at Sonny. Thanks for bringing me in out of the cold.

Think about what I said, Sonny pressed, waiting for her to leave before taking his seat and glowering at his wife.

What? Carly demanded. But for all her bravado she couldnt help but squirm under his steady gaze.

~Hospital~

Hi Gram, Sarah managed to work up a smile when Audrey Hardy entered the room. I see youve been warned about me.

Audrey glanced down at the gloves on her hand and her yellow colored gown. You know its only a precaution, she tried to reassure with a smile, forgetting for a moment the mask she was wearing.

I know, they dont want me to catch any germs before my surgery. Also my visitors will have to wear the gowns for at least a week after the surgery to stop the possibility of infection, Sarah repeated the lecture shed received word for word.

Its a delicate procedure Sarah, Audrey reminded her granddaughter, taking a seat by the bed.

I know its just, she trailed off unsure if she should go on or not.

Just what?

Its just this could be my last few healthy days and I hate feeling like bubble girl right now. I know I shouldnt think like this, but we need to be realistic here. Even though Steven is a high probability match, there is still no guarantee that the transplant will work.

Audrey had been in the medical profession for far too long. Long enough to develop a healthy respect for people who held a realistic outlook on their prognosis. She just didnt realize, before now, how much words like that could hurt when they came from someone you loved. Sarah was being uncharacteristically blunt, but she was also being honest and it was refreshing change. I suppose youre right.

Surprised I said it? Sarah asked with a grin.

A little, Audrey conceded. That sounded more like something Elizabeth would say not you.

Smile gone Sarah fiddled with her blanket. Have you heard from her?

Audrey couldnt keep the disappointment from her voice. Not since yesterday morning when your father got a hold of her.

I called her, Sarah admitted quietly. I could only get her machine. I asked her to come, I said Id make sure mom and dad werent here if she did come.

Sarah you shouldnt have done that.

I want to see her Gram, I need to see her, Sarah couldnt explain the strange sense of desperation she felt.

Its time for all of you to get in one room and work your differences out. Youre a family you should be coming together in times like this not moving farther apart.

Gram the Webbers arent like the Hardys. We dont do things the way most people do. Sarah looked her Gram in the eye. I would really like to see Elizabeth before I have the surgery. If the only way I can do that is by making sure that mom and dad arent there, then Ill do that. Please understand Gram, shes my sister I want to talk to her before I just want to see her.

I dont understand, Audrey shook her head in defeat. But that wont stop me from helping if I can.

Thanks, Sarah smiled weakly in gratitude.

Jeff Webber quickly moved out of the doorway before the occupants of the room knew he was even there. Pulling off his mask he blotted at his damp eyes. He had really messed up a lot of peoples lives.

~Studio~

Elizabeth hesitated in the hallway leading towards her door. Every vow she had made to herself in the last few hours, she was in danger of breaking, but her actions felt right to her. Sonnys words kept rolling around in her head and she knew it was because he was right, about a lot of things.

Jason would listen to her if she wanted to talk, or just be in the room if she didnt. he wouldnt second guess her decisions or tell her what to do. In other words he wouldnt do anything that Lucky would do. She wanted to hate herself for having such thoughts about her boyfriend but it was hard to get mad when it was the truth.

If she was this unhappy why was she still with Lucky?

The question coming from the corner of her mind spooked her enough that she began moving. Banishing the thought she put her key in the lock and unlocked the door.

Jason?

The first genuine smile all day fell from her face the instant she opened the door. One glance was all it took for her to know Jason was gone.

~Kellys~

Why do you do that Carly? Sonny asked.

Do what? Carly moved the overly chocolate mug away from her before she could give into temptation and drink it. The fact that her and Princess Purity liked the same kind of drink was not comforting to her.

Why do you continually bite Elizabeths head off every time you see her? Sonny explained with patience he wasnt feeling at the moment.

I dont like her and I dont trust her. You and Jason can never see how that girl plays you, but I can. And if you wont protect yourself you better believe I will.

Groaning Sonny studied his wife knowing he had to walk a very fine line he chose his words carefully. If he made too big of a deal about this, Carly would make a beeline directly for Elizabeth. And given the shape hed found her in the last few days, that wouldnt be a good thing for Elizabeth. But he also had to be careful not to let it go too easily or Carly would become suspicious.

Carly Ive told you before shes my friend. I expect you to treat her with respect, he lowered his voice. And in case you still dont want to admit it, Ill tell you again, she did save Jasons life when he was shot.

Blanching Carly drew back they rarely spoke about that night. The pain they had inflicted on Jason was still raw for all three of them. On one level she was grateful to Elizabeth for saving Jason. She honestly didnt think she could have handled it if Jason had died, especially not at that point in her life.

But another part of her couldnt stand the fact that Elizabeth had been the one to help him and not her. She had loved Jason with what shed thought was her whole heart at that time, and for him to turn to someone else, had killed her.

She probably would have hated anyone that hed let help him at that time, simply because he let them near him while he shut her out. But the fact that the person hed chosen was a girl, a cute girl, she admitted begrudgingly, who wasnt afraid to stand up to her, made it that much easier for her to hate. And even though she now loved Sonny with a depth of love shed never felt before, it didnt mean a small part of her wasnt still jealous.

It wasnt that she wanted Jason back, because she didnt, at least not in that way. But shed never be able to accept him with a woman, who in the time hed needed someone the most, had come through while she had failed. Even though she was still in love with her husband, she didnt want to be faced with the reminder of her failure daily. But there was no way she could explain that to Sonny in a way he wouldnt get angry with her or shake his head and tell her to grow up. So she would continue her attacks on Elizabeth Webber with whatever she had in her arsenal.

You dont need to remind me of that time Sonny, Carly answered finally. Im well aware when Elizabeth got her hooks in Jason, and how she used the fact he was hurt to her advantage.

There was no reasoning with her when she was in this mood and since he didnt feel like fighting with her he got to his feet. Im going to the warehouse. Id tell you to stay out of trouble but since youd only ignore me so Ill let it go.

Im never any trouble, Carly smiled up at him sweetly. Ask Rick.

Sonnys eyes moved to the guard who was standing a discreet distance away. Sonny nodded at him the warning clear in his eyes. Shes precious let nothing happen to her. The nod he received back, conveyed Message received, Ill protect her.

Bending down he gave a quick kiss to his wife in farewell. But nothing was ever quick with Carly including her kisses. Pulling back reluctantly he could see nothing but love in her eyes. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to pull her in his arms, and take her away from the danger he had placed her in. He wanted to take her to the island and give her the wedding shed been dreaming about for months.

Sonny? Carlys brown furrowed in confusion when he continued to stare at her.

See you tonight, he murmured finally before turning to leave.

Carly stared after him for a long time. She knew he was struggling with something, she just wished hed confide in her. She was determined to be there for him no matter how hard he tried to shut her out.

~Studio~

Elizabeth wasnt aware how much time had passed since shed entered the studio and found Jason gone. She also wasnt sure howd shed made her way to the couch she was sitting on but here she was. Jason was gone just like everyone else. Memories of her dreams assailed her. The image of him walking away, leaving her alone in the park, in the cold danced in front of her eyes. Instinctively she shook her head denying the image in her mind.

Thats why everyone leaves you. They know youre nothing but trash.

Chilled Elizabeth tried to deny, tried to banish the words of Tom Baker from her mind. But the words kept repeating in her head. Jeffs words, her nightmares, Tom Baker, repeating over and over until she was ready to scream.

Im not going anywhere now Elizabeth. I promise Im not.

The sound of Jasons voice, his vow gradually came through her mind stilling all the others and she clung to it like a lifeline. Feeling calmer she looked around the studio searching for signs of Jason. When her eye landed on the closet door, she knew that she could find out for sure if Jason was gone or not. He kept his stuff in the closet that way if someone came by unexpectedly there would be nothing to indicate his presence. So all she had to do was open the door and if his stuff was still there it meant that he hadnt left her.

Getting slowly to her feet she began the all too brief walk to the door, arguing with herself with every step she took. All the demons that she had battled her whole life, but especially the last 3 days rose inside of her until they threatened to consume her. No one ever wanted her for very long, no one ever loved her for long, she wasnt worth the effort in the long run. The familiar litany ran through her mind.

Hesitating with her hand on the doorknob, a part of her knew that this was a test. Did she trust Jason enough to believe in him? Or deep down did she believe that he would abandon her like everyone else in her life had?

Im not going anywhere

Did she have enough left inside of her to believe? Should she take the chance?

~Kellys~

Kellys can I help you? Tammy grabbed the phone on its fifth ring.

Elizabeth Webber please.

Im sorry shes not working today. Can I take a message?

Do you know where she is? Im her fath... he hesitated. Im Jeff Webber I need to speak to her.

Just a minute, the frazzled blonde called out when the door opened. Lucky its Elizabeths father, he needs to talk to her, do you know where she is?

Ill take it, Lucky stomped the last of the snow off his boots before crossing quickly to the counter. Mr. Webber this is Lucky Spencer.

Hello Lucky, Jeff said awkwardly. In the roundabout Port Charles way of entanglement he almost felt like he was related to the boy. Not by blood of course, but by circumstance. As such he never quite knew how to treat him. Of course hed only had one other conversation with him, that could also explain his unease. Im looking for Elizabeth.

Shes out right now. Has something happened with Sarah? Lucky asked quickly.

Perhaps it would be better if he went at this through her boyfriend. Elizabeth had been so cold the day before, she may turn him down without even hearing him out. So far everything is the same with Sarah, were preparing for the bone marrow surgery in two days.

Elizabeth told me that. Thank God Steven was a higher match than Elizabeth.

His secret was still safe and Jeff tried to smother his relief at that fact. Yes it is. But Sarah made a request. Shed like to see Elizabeth before the surgery. I told her I would call and arrange it.

Lucky couldnt help but grimace, everything with the competition was heating up right now. Elizabeth really couldnt afford to be out of town right now. As soon as the thought crossed his mind Lucky felt guilty.

Lucky?

It might be hard for her to get away on such short notice. With school, Valentines Day being tomorrow, and the day after she has an appointment that I know she cant miss, Elizabeth might not be able to get there until after the surgery.

Stunned Jeff didnt know what to say. He didnt want to disappoint his daughter but there was no way he could force Elizabeth to come. Hed lost that right. You will tell her that Sarah wants to see her right?

Of course I will and let us know if anything else happens Dr. Webber, Lucky told him in dismissal.

Is everything okay with Elizabeths sister Lucky? Tammy asked when Lucky continued to stare at the phone.

Everythings fine, Lucky murmured before raising his eyes to meet hers. He just wanted to let us know that the surgery has been scheduled.

Tammy nodded and moved into the kitchen.

Feeling uncomfortable over what he'd just done, Lucky headed for the stairs. He needed to get cleaned up and then find Elizabeth.

~Studio~

Jason's first sight when he opened the studio door was a bundle of energy. Elizabeth was struggling with a piece of wood and cursing it rather liberally. Unnoticed by her he settled himself in the doorway and watched her for a minute unnoticed, he'd never heard her cuss before, it was kind of cute.

"Owww." Elizabeth cried out suddenly holding her hand to her mouth.

"Are you okay?" Jason moved quickly into the room. Whirling around Elizabeth gaped at him for a moment then the next thing he knew she was in his arms holding on for dear life. Confused Jason wrapped his arms around her and tried to figure out what was going on. Before he had a chance too, Elizabeth shoved away him away from her.

"Where the hell have you been?" She snapped her eyes leveling a glare at him. "Wait don't answer that," she huffed out a breath. "You don't have to tell me where you were, I know it's none of my business. Are you okay?"

Jason opened his mouth to reply but she was off again.

"Of course you're okay, you always are, except of course when your not," pulling a hand through her hair she began to pace. "I knew that I guess, I was just worried. I know you don't want me to worry about you but I can't help it. I came here, after being terribly mean and avoiding you and you were gone and it threw me. I know that sounds selfish, but I can't help it. I was left here wondering where you were so I began working on the project for Lucky which you don't really understand the point of but agree with me about anyway," she pointed to a box on the table. "But that didn't distract me so I thought I'd stretch some more canvases, even though it will probably be next year before I need more of those because of all the ones you already stretched for me."

"Elizabeth?"

"Then of course I think I got another splinter, and now you're here, and you must think I'm even more insane than normal. And I can't help that, I'm trying but things just aren't working." Finally out of breath she wound down and came to rest on the couch. "I think I want to go out and come in again and start all over, but why stop there why don't I start the whole week over again, or better yet how about starting my life all over again. Since all I'm doing is wishing for miracles why not wish for the biggest of them all."

Shrugging out of his coat Jason moved forward a little tentatively until he was crouching beside the couch. "Are you okay?"

"I'm trying to be, I'm trying real hard," raising her head she looked him in the eye. "Sorry."

"For what?" Jason asked in puzzlement.

"Going off like that. You seem to be the recipient for most of my tangents lately, it's not exactly fair to you."

"I don't mind. It's good to see you, I was worried when you didn't come by yesterday," and even more worried when she had taken up residence on the docks again earlier in the day.

Flushing guiltily she focused on her hands. "I know, I'm sorry I was" she trailed off.

"Avoiding me, and trying to push me out of your life?" Jason finished for her.

Flustered Elizabeth kept her eyes on her hands, but felt compelled to be honest, so she mutely shook her head.

"Why?"

"I don't know, I was trying to protect myself I guess," she shrugged then firmed her shoulders he deserved more than that. You make me feel too much and I didnt want to feel.

I dont understand.

Youre the only one who sees through me. Youre the only one who knows when Im pretending and when Im not. I cant get away with anything with you. Surprising herself as much as him she went on. You bring me into the moment. Being around you would have made me feel, and if I feel then everything becomes real. And once its real Im going to have to deal with what I learned. I didnt want to deal with that so I tried to stay away, tried to hide.

Thrilled as he was to hear her words they still concerned him. I dont like to think I pressure you.

That caused her to smile at him. Jason youve never pressured me, I dont think you ever will. Its just, she hesitated than let it all out. I feel safe with you, and because of that I let things out. Things I would normally hide away.

I want you to feel safe with me, he informed her touching the hand that was twisting the sleeve of his coat

Flushing in embarrassment over all shed admitted she lowered her gaze. "I stopped hiding though. I came here to see you I didn't want to avoid you anymore. And when I got here you were gone, and as you can see by my total overreaction when you came back, I didn't handle that very well."

"You thought I'd left for good didn't you?" Jason realized what she hadn't said after a minute of study.

"I did at first," she admitted softly.

Biting back the disappointment he felt that she had doubted him Jason kept his face expressionless.

"I did at first," Elizabeth reiterated before looking at him again. "I was sure that you'd abandoned me just like everyone else in my life had, and I admit it really shook me. But then I remembered your promise, and as much as I didn't want to believe it. Didnt want to hope that you hadn't lied to me, I did. I convinced myself that you hadn't left me, that you were just out somewhere. Of course since I had just left Sonny at Kelly's can I tell you how worried I got then?"

"I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't think I'd be gone as long as I was," Jason apologized. He hated to think he'd added to the stress and unhappiness he could see in her eyes. "I saw someone I knew would have some information and I had to catch him." He could see the worry in her eyes. "Yes I was careful only he saw me and he won't tell."

Smiling softly she looked down and picked up his coat. "You better put this away. I don't think anyone will show up here but you never know."

Surprised at her request, but willing to make her happy, he took the coat and moved to the closet. When he opened the door he heard her sigh in relief. "What?"

"It is still there and I didn't look."

Confused he turned around to question her. "What do you mean?"

"When I first realized you were gone, I was wrecked. Then because of your promise I started to let myself believe that you were just out. I knew if I opened the closet door and your stuff was still there then that would be right. But I didn't open it."

Sensing this was important but not quite sure where she was heading with her story Jason tucked the coat in the closet and moved back over to her. "Why not? If would have eased your mind why didn't you?"

Her eyes met his and held there. "I trusted you instead."

The words were so softly spoken that he could barely hear them. Yet they carried a heavy impact. Given her frame of mind at the moment, and the pain she was dealing with, the fact that she had trusted him in this sort of situation meant everything. "I'm glad," the words came out a bit huskier than usual.

Suddenly nervous Elizabeth broke his gaze. "I shouldn't have tried to run away from you either. I won't do it again."

Again Im glad. Moving slowly aware she was watching his every move Jason reached out and took her hand. I wasnt in the position to track you down, but I would have as soon as I could.

His words warmed her heart as much as his hands warmed hers. Ouch.

What? Concerned he looked down at the small hand in his and remembered her words. You got another splinter didnt you?

No, biting her lip while he turned her hand over, she saw the sliver of wood in her palm. Alright so maybe I got a little one.

Shaking his head Jason kept her hand in his and moved them both over towards the first aid kit that was still on her table.

Youre getting the needle again arent you?

Hearing the whine in her voice Jason smiled. It was nice to hear her sound normal again. It wont hurt a bit.

Thats what you said last time, Elizabeth grumbled You know I never used to get splinters when I did my canvases, it must be the wood. Im not going back to that guy again.

Holding her palm flat on his he merely nodded. He had a feeling it was due more to her agitation than to the wood, but he thought he better keep that opinion to himself. His eye fell on the box of pictures that was sitting next to the first aid kit. Hows your project going?

It took everything she had not to jolt at his question. F-fine.

You were wrong earlier, looking up he pinned her with his eyes.

When?

When you said I didnt understand what you were trying to do for Lucky. I do and I think its very nice of you to think of it. Looking back at her hand he missed the way her eyes blanked at the mention of Lucky.

Lucky. Her boyfriend Lucky. The man she was in love with. The man she was unable to be honest with. The man who was making her feel trapped. Flinching at the thought she pulled her hand free of Jason and stepped back.

Lucky for you I got the splinter out before you moved, Jason commented. Noting her sudden paleness he wondered what hed done wrong. When he saw that her focus was on the box of pictures he knew where her mind was, or rather on whom. Swallowing the words he wanted to say he instead offered the words he knew she needed to hear. Hell understand.

Will he? She brought confused eyes up to his. I dont think he will. All hell see is that I lied to him.

If he hesitating he began again. He loves you. In the end thats all that matters.

Love conquers all? She couldnt stop the bitter smile that crossed her lips. I think were both walking proof that thats not true Jason.

Not liking the coldness on her face Jason moved closer. You dont really believe that.

Dont I? She asked recklessly moving closer until she was inches from him. Want to test it?

The dare in her eyes confused him. He was beginning to wonder just how many different Elizabeths he was dealing with at the moment. He knew he had to tread carefully in order not to hurt any of them. How?

If I love Lucky so much, and our love will conquer everything. Then theres no reason on earth I should want to do this, is there? Moving quickly she snaked an arm around his neck and drew his mouth down to hers.

Caught off guard, for a moment he did nothing and a moment was all she needed. Taking the initiative her tongue darted inside his open mouth to explore. His mouth felt better than it had the other night. He felt better than she remembered. Her tongue whispered over his spurring him into movement and he became a willing participant in the kiss. His arms locked around her drawing her closer until she was resting against his chest. Leaning back against the table he opened his stance so she was nestled between his thighs.

Each movement brought them closer together, and their mouths never left the other. But the kiss was somehow cold and both of them knew it. Desperation was motivating the kiss but once again, neither one of them seemed to know how to stop.

~Hallway~

Whistling under his breath Lucky moved down the narrow hallway until he reached her door. His hand curved into a fist to knock, then he remembered the key. Fishing in his pocket he pulled the extra key that hed forgotten to give back to Tammy out. Hed surprise Elizabeth.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 7


~Studio~

As abruptly as the kiss had been initiated it ended just as swiftly. Elizabeth stepped back and covered her mouth, a mixture of disbelief, desperation, and fear on her face, and in her eyes. It was the sight of the fear that stopped Jason from reaching out to her.

"Oh my god," Elizabeth mumbled. "What am I doing? What am I doing to you?"

"You're not doing anything to me," Jason corrected her immediately when he heard the self-loathing in her voice.

"I'm losing it," she whispered not seeing him at the moment, not seeing anything at the moment. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm lying to everyone, and I can't seem to think," she rubbed at her forehead. "Why can't I think?"

Not wanting to startle her Jason reached out slowly and when he touched her cold hand he had a feeling she didn't even realize he was there. "You're doing the best that you can Elizabeth."

"No," she cried desperately shaking her head. "I'm doing the wrong things again. I thought I'd stopped doing that, but I'm still doing the wrong things."

"Kissing me was wrong?" The question slipped out before he could stop it.

"Yes." She answered bluntly and never even noticed when he let go of her hand. "That wasn't a kiss Jason that was desperation. I feel so lost and out of control and I needed something to ground me, to fill me up. You seem to be the only person who can do that for me and that's what makes it wrong."

"Elizabeth," he broke off when he heard the sound of keys hitting the ground just outside the door, followed by the sound of a muttered oath.

"It's Lucky," Elizabeth whispered in horror. "He can't find you here." Fear of discovery, fear for Jason, made her move quicker than she'd moved in days. She shoved him in the direction of the closet and practically ran for the door. When it began to open she jumped the last few feet catching the door in her hand, barring Lucky's entry and trying to shield Jason. "Lucky what are you doing here?"

"I was going to surprise you, but then I dropped the key," Lucky admitted sheepishly before smiling slightly at her. "Surprise."

Elizabeth worked up a smile that didn't reach her eyes, but Lucky failed to notice, and his smile grew.

"Are you going to let me in?" Lucky asked when she continued to bar the door.

"I would but I'm working on your Valentine's present." The lie came to her so quickly that it concerned her. "I don't want you to get a sneak peek."

Lucky's grin turned sly and he moved closer. "I promise I won't peek," he slid his hand around her waist and pulled her as close as her grip on the door would allow.

"I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait." She forced herself to remain still when her flight instinct kicked in. This was Lucky she shouldn't want to pull away from him, but she did.

"Elizabeth," bending slightly he nuzzled her neck, "let me in."

"Let's leave instead." She couldnt help but stiffen when she felt his lips on her ear. For some reason the caress bothered her and again she tried to bury the feeling.

"No inside," Lucky ordered. It was time to overcome this phobia he seemed to have regarding her studio. The best way to do that was to christen it in a memorable way.

Tilting her head automatically when his lips roved over the column of her neck, her mind began to race and her agitation and unease increased. The feel of his hands on her body, his lips on her skin, felt wrong somehow, finally the unease got to be too much and she tried to pull away. Lucky's hands tightened on her waist and he began to back her inside the room, until her hands fell free of the door.

Her eyes drifted closed and once shut she was thrown back to that awful night of years ago. Lucky's hands seemed to turn into Tom Baker's, opening her eyes quickly she tried to banish the memory, but the closer Lucky pushed the more she felt the desperation and the fear of that night. "No."

Lucky either didn't hear her, or chose to ignore her, because he angled his head back up trying to find her lips but she turned her face away.

"Lucky stop." The desperation inside of her began to build when she felt his hands on her bare skin. "Stop."

Caught up in the moment Lucky didn't hear her and his mouth covered hers in a kiss that was full of desire on his part and full of horror on hers.

Sometimes I just like to hunt.

Tom Baker's words from long ago came back to her and terrified she pushed hard at Lucky's chest shoving him away from her. "I said no."

Lucky's confusion was evident on his face, so too was the increasingly familiar anger he was feeling more and more lately, but one look at her stark white face, had all the accusations drying up on his lips. The sight of her eyes just a little too wide and too desperate triggered a memory from long ago, a memory of a cold night of three years ago tomorrow. Guilt flooded him and he held up his hands in apology. "I'm sorry Elizabeth."

Needing the distance between them she automatically took a step back when he moved closer. "No I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"And I shouldn't have pushed you. I just thought," shaking his head he tried again. "No I guess I didn't realize that you were so spooked. I know Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I just thought you were over what happened, I mean it's been three years."

"I dont think any woman ever fully gets over a rape," she said harshly. "They put it behind them and move on but the memory is always there."

"Yeah but you moved on." He reached out but she shied away from him and he clenched his fist in frustration. "That next year, when we were together on Valentine's Day I thought that fixed things."

Numbed by his words she stared hard at her boyfriend for a long time before sadly shaking her head. The fact that he really believed that wasnt as surprising as it once would have been, but it was still a sad realization.

"That night was one of the happiest nights of my life Lucky, and I'll cherish the memory forever. But one night doesn't wipe out the horror of being raped."

"I know that," he answered a little defensively. "I guess I just don't see why it's weighing so heavily on your mind right now. I know it's an anniversary of sorts but you didn't act like this that first year, so I don't understand why you're acting like it now."

Sighing at his confusion she decided to make the effort in explaining, hoping that he would listen and really hear her for once. She missed being able to confide in him the way she'd once been able too. It was hard for her to admit, but she hadn't been able to confide in him since the fire.

"Where was I last week Lucky?"

"What?" Lucky looked perplexed by the question.

"Last week, where were you and I?" She asked again.

Looking blank for a minute he finally ventured a guess. "You mean when we were at the Deception test shoot?" When she nodded he figured out where she was heading and sighed loudly as his frustration with her grew.

"Do we have to go through this again Elizabeth? I've already told you that this is a totally different situation. I know Baker was a photographer, but he's not here, he's not the one taking the photos of you, I am. There's no reason for you to be scared. There's no reason for you to keep giving Baker power over you."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" She asked coldly.

"Yes I do." Fed up he decided to say some things he had been holding in check. "You're letting one bad memory take away our chance for the future. You're a beautiful woman and you can be a brilliant model, you just have to stop living in the past. You need to move on and realize that, that night is over with. You need to realize that Tom Baker will never be able to hurt you again, unless you let him. Unless you let him destroy our dream."

Every word he uttered seemed to add another layer of ice around her heart and the distance between them grew. "You think because my photos were stilted that I'm letting what happened to me destroy your dream."

"Our dream," he corrected automatically. "And yes I do. I know he hurt you, but the only person who is hurting you now is you. The camera loves you just the way I do. You're perfect and the sooner you realize that and believe in yourself, the sooner Baker will never be able to touch you again."

His eyes moved from her white face to the studio, and the familiar feeling of uneasiness hit him. The feeling caused him to make a decision. It was time for her to give the studio up. She might have needed a refuge while he was gone, but he was back now, there was no more need for a refuge.

He knew she would want to keep up with her art and had no intention of discouraging that, but in reality she would soon realize that she wouldnt have much time to work on her art. As such there was no point in paying rent on a drafty old studio when it would barely be used. If she found she had time to paint she could do it at Kellys or at Deception while he did darkroom work.

Full of determination he focused on her again and was surprised to find out she had moved. His eyes found her beside the open studio door. You read my mind, he joined her with a grin. Lets get out of this place.

Actually Lucky I cant leave I still have some stuff to finish up, she informed him stiffly. I think that you better leave though.

Taken aback Lucky could only stare at her.

Ill see you later Lucky. Her words and tone were a dismissal.

Concerned that he might have gone to far, and pushed to soon penetrated and Lucky reached out to her. He pulled her into his arms but she remained stiff and unresponsive in his embrace. Are you mad?

No. Why would I be mad? You just told me what you were thinking. She answered coolly and quickly stepped back when he let her go.

Then come with me.

I told you I have things to do here.

If youre not mad then come with me now. His hands wandered to the back of her shirt again, seeking her skin. You and I havent spent any quality time together in weeks. I miss you.

You miss the sex, she corrected bluntly.

Stung Lucky dropped his hands and glared at her. Thats not true.

Feeling incredibly drained and wanting nothing more than to end the conversation Elizabeth backtracked. I know its not true. I dont know why I said it. Im sorry.

Feeling unsure for the first time in a long time, Lucky suddenly didnt know what to do with his hands, finally he shoved them in his pockets and searched her face. For the first time, in months, he really looked at her, and what he saw surprised him. She looked tired and very pale. Her eyes, which he used to be able to read, were cold and distant, and she lowered them in reaction to his probing. Suddenly he felt like he was facing a stranger.

The woman staring at her feet was not the Elizabeth he had fallen in love with so long ago, but at the same time she wasnt the woman he was with now either. This woman was one he didnt think liked him very much, and that was very unsettling to realize.

Swallowing he blinked hard and that image of Elizabeth, and the disquieting realization hed had about her, vanished. Soon he was once again staring at the woman he loved, and more importantly, the woman who loved him. Dont work too long. And dont forget were meeting Emily and her jerk of a boyfriend for dinner.

Working up a ghost of a smile she nodded. Ill be there soon.

Im counting on you to stop me from fighting with Zander, at least until after the meal. He joked and leaned down to kiss her goodbye. She turned her head quickly and he had to settle for kissing her cheek.

Goodbye Lucky. Elizabeth closed the door in his face and soon he heard the click as the deadbolt slid home.

Lucky remained in the hallway for a long time. Had he gone too far? He hadnt meant to hurt her, or to be insensitive to her fears. It just drove him crazy whenever she doubted herself, and how beautiful and talented she was. It had been three years since the rape it was time she moved past it once and for all.

Elizabeth had said that their first Valentines Day as a couple had been one of the happiest nights of her life. If he could give her another magical night, create a perfect night for them, maybe she would finally let go of the past.

That meant the pressure on him to deliver the ultimate Valentine to her was even more intense but he knew he could handle it. Whistling cheerfully he began moving down the hall. And after their perfect night Elizabeth would be more than willing to give her studio up. She would even understand why hed kept the news of her fathers call and Sarahs request a secret from her.

After the next test shoot, hed tell her about Sarah and then they would both go to New York to see her. By that time Elizabeth would have been named as the new Face of Deception, and he would be her photographer, and the sole man who got to enjoy her perfection on a full-time basis. Life was finally coming together for him and Elizabeth and he was determined not to let anyone destroy their dreams again, not even Elizabeth.

~Kellys~

Are you sure we have to do this Emily? In spite of his best intentions Zanders voice had taken on a pleading note. The fact he knew it and could do nothing about it, burned him, but he still asked the question.

You agreed to this dinner last week, so dont try to weasel out of it now, Emily reminded him with a warning glance.

Sighing, Zander barely stopped the impulse, he suddenly had, of banging his head against the counter. Having dinner with Lucky and Elizabeth was not on his list of fun things to do.

Ignoring the look on his face, Emily was having her own issues. Shed never thought of herself as overly vain. Sure she always tried to look nice, but generally her look was more funky and eclectic than it was Vogue-like but that suited her. Yet as she focused on the wrinkled pads of her waterlogged fingers, and saw the chipped nails that had replaced the once perfect manicure, she realized she was vain, at least a little. She hated what the constant dishwashing was doing to her hands. She hated the way the grease from the fryer was making her hair frizz. She hated the fish smell that never seemed to leave her clothes on Fish Fridays.

To put it bluntly she hated everything there was to hate about the job of waitressing. She had no idea how Elizabeth had done it for as long as she had. It had been less than a month and she was ready to deck the next customer who had a special order. Her feet, even ensconced in the special sneakers, with the extra arch, were killing her by the end of the day, and all she wanted to do when she got off work, was put them up. She would never take people who worked in the food service area for granted again.

Emily I think thats clean. At her blank look Zander gestured to the pristine glass in her hand. Youve been rubbing on it for the last five minutes.

Oh, right. Setting the glass in the strainer she sighed and reached for another glass.

You still hate working here dont you?

I hate absolutely everything about waiting tables, she admitted.

Then quit.

How am I supposed to pay my rent if I quit? Tammy is already giving me a discount, I cant expect her not to want any money.

You could always move back home, he pointed out quietly. He knew how much she missed her family, her home, she even seemed to miss Edward. He may not feel the same about where he came from but he felt bad for being the reason she wasnt in her own home anymore.

Thats not an option. Seeing the guilt in his eyes and unmindful of the suds on her hand she covered his hand with hers. Until they can respect me and my decisions, about my own life, I cant go back there.

Emily.

Zander, she took his chin in her hand. Shut up, she whispered against his lips.

If this is what dinner with you two is going to be like, I think Im coming down with something, Lucky commented from behind Zander, he was only half joking.

We can only hope, Zander muttered when he pulled back and got a warning look from his girlfriend.

So what time tonight? Emily asked before Lucky had the chance to retort. She was tired of the friction between her boyfriend and her best friends. It didnt seem to matter who she dated, neither Lucky nor Nikolas were willing to give him a chance. If it hadnt been for Elizabeth she would have gone insane months ago.

Elizabeth is finishing something up at her studio so Id give her a couple of hours. How about we meet down here at 8:00? Lucky offered after mentally running down the list of things he needed to do. When she nodded he began moving for the stairs.

Well see you then, Emily called then moved towards the phone when it began to ring. Kellys. Her tone moved from polite disinterest to warmth when the caller identified themselves. Hello Mrs. Hardy, its Emily.

Lucky did an about face on the stairs and made a beeline for the phone.

No Elizabeth is off today, but I think shes at her s Hey! Emily cried when Lucky snatched the receiver out of her hand.

Mrs. Hardy its Lucky, he Idd himself quickly and waved Emily away. How is Sarah doing?

Still glaring at Lucky Emily moved down the counter joining Zander again.

I see Lucky is acting like normal, in other words hes being a jerk. Zander commented and when she turned her glare on him he grinned at her trying to defuse it.

An answering smile tugged at her lips. Hes just been under stress lately.

Hes been under stress? Zander asked in disbelief. In what way? No one is trying to kill him.

Well its because, she faltered. Hes under stress because, gamely she tried again but couldnt find an answer. Shed found reason after reason to excuse Luckys behavior ever since he had returned, but it seemed her well had finally run dry. Lucky was getting along as well with his parents as he ever did, he had a new job which he loved, he was with Elizabeth, there was no reason for him to still be acting like a jerk, but he was.

Thats what I thought, Zander muttered.

Ill do that Mrs. Hardy, goodbye. Lucky hung up the phone slowly. Things were beginning to get heavy with Elizabeths family.

Why did you do that? Emily asked sharply.

Bothered by her questioning he turned to retort, in catching sight of the cool looks he was receiving from both Emily and Zander, he wisely changed his mind. I just wanted to talk to her. Im sorry if I was abrupt.

Mollified somewhat Emily shrugged her irritation away. How is Sarah doing?

She will undergo a bone marrow transplant next week. Actually it was in two days, the same day as Elizabeths next test shoot. Will you do me a favor and not tell Elizabeth that Mrs. Hardy called?

Why?

Because Elizabeth has had a lot on her mind lately with Sarah, the competition, not to mention her schoolwork. Shes been so worried I know that she was really looking forward to a night out and away from all of that worry. I dont want to ruin the evening by bringing up Sarah or anything about New York. Ill tell her about Mrs. Hardys call later on, and that way, hopefully shell be able to enjoy our evening out, Lucky smoothly outlined some reasons.

Knowing how tired and stressed Elizabeth had looked the last time she had seen her Emily agreed readily enough. Ill let you tell her about the call. And I promise tonight will be nothing but a fun night. No heavy conversations, or, she arched a warning look in her boyfriends direction, no stupid arguments.

Great, Lucky beamed and ignoring Zanders presence entirely looked around the diner. Have you seen Tammy? I needed to talk to her about something.

I think shes out back, Emily pointed in the direction of the kitchen. Dont say a word, she ordered Zander when Lucky departed.

With a look that said it all Zander went back to the card castle he was building. Only to mutter under his breath when the door opened behind him, emitting a cold breeze and sending the castle crashing to the counter. Picking up the fallen cards he looked over his shoulder to see who had ruined it this time and his irritation quickly fled. Hey Sonny.

Zander, Sonny nodded and continued to stomp the last of the snow off his shoes before heading for the counter.

Before you start Gus is here with me, hes in the kitchen with Don. And Im under strict orders not to move from this stool without telling him first, Zander attempted to ward off another lecture. I cant even go to the bathroom without permission.

You probably shouldnt have ditched him so many times. If you hadnt he might trust you enough to go to the bathroom on your own, Sonny pointed out.

Feeling the dart hit home Zander went back to his card castle.

What can I get you Sonny? Emily asked.

Coffee to go, he looked past her into the kitchen. Is Elizabeth working?

No shes at her studio.

Sonny smiled in relief at that remark. He was glad shed decided to stop avoiding Jason. Her seeing Jason would be good news for his friend and he had a feeling Jason would be able to help her as well. The remark also changed his own plans. There was no reason for him to go by the studio right now and interrupt them. The smile faded when he realized hed have to think up another excuse for not going home right away.

Carly was at home and he knew the moment he walked in the door shed be wanting to go over the details of the wedding. It was getting harder and harder for him to look in those big brown eyes, full of love for him, and lie to her. She wanted his approval on a wedding that was never going to take place.

Taking the cup from Emily he dropped a $50 on the counter and waved off her attempts to give him change, before heading to a table. His mind had slid back into the sudden habit he had developed of arguing with his heart. He knew they were already married so in theory there was nothing to their marrying again. But to him there was a big difference.

Being married by a Judge was one thing, and yes it was a binding marriage in the eyes of the law. But to be married by a Priest in Gods house was another thing. This union would be a binding of the soul. A marriage, once blessed by god, would be hard to walk away from. At least it would be hard for him to walk away. Hed never been an alter boy, but some of his mothers beliefs still resided in him.

One of the reasons shed never left Deke was because of the vows shed made in front of a Priest at St. Anthonys. That fact alone should have been enough to kill the idea of death do you part marriages for him. But it hadnt, that was one belief that hed clung too, even when he had disavowed all the others.

Hed been willing to walk away from a blessed union once before. Hed been willing to walk away from Lily for Brenda. Brenda had been then, and would always be, in his soul. Finally it had reached a point where he couldnt deny his soul, or her any longer, and hed been willing to leave Lily. He knew that both Lily and Brenda had deserved so much better than him. And a part of him believed he was setting Lily free in order to find it. But discovering Lilys pregnancy had changed everything.

Finding out that his wife was pregnant with his child changed everything inside of him. He was determined to stay with his wife, with his child. He wasnt in love with Lily and knew he never would be, but he did love her. And that love was based in respect so he knew it would last over time. And he loved his child with everything inside of him the instant hed found out. So hed ended up setting his heart, Brenda, free and remained true to his vows.

The coffee had cooled considerably when he finally brought it to his lips to take the first sip. None of what hed planned had worked out, not for any of them, Brenda, Lily, the baby, or himself.

He loved Carly of that he was sure. It wasnt with the same all-consuming fire hed loved Brenda but it was with a passion hed felt for no other woman, and he knew that she loved him. But he also knew that both her and Michael would be better off far away from him. A bomb, or a gunshot, could change things in an instant. He wanted her safe, he wanted her happy, he wanted to be her husband, and he couldnt have all three.

Thanks again Tammy.

Luckys voice pulled him out of his thoughts, blinking them away he focused on Lucky in time to see him disappear up the stairs. Wanting a distraction from his dark and circular thoughts he eavesdropped on the conversation at the counter.

What was he thanking you for this time? Emily asked the frizzy haired blonde who had walked out of the kitchen.

Oh he wants to turn his room into a dark room, Tammy explained. I told him it was okay with me.

His room? Emily asked in puzzlement. But where would he sleep?

He said something about moving in with Elizabeth, she gave Emily and Zander a steely look. And dont you two start getting any ideas. Im relaxing Rubys rules on cohabitation for them but that doesnt mean I will for you.

Emily felt her face flame and began to cough.

Taking pity on his girlfriend Zander answered for her. The thought never even crossed our minds. Its far too soon to be thinking about living together, even if I didnt have an ever-present bodyguard.

Grateful Emily nodded her approval. She was barely 18 and they hadnt even slept together yet but Tammy seemed to think they were going to try living together? Emily felt very adult at that moment and she realized she wasnt quite ready for that feeling yet.

Sonny got quietly to his feet, leaving his coffee on the table he reached for his cellphone and headed for the door. Benny was on the other end of the line a few seconds later. Benny I need you to find out who owns that warehouse on Charles Street. The one whose backside faces Bannisters Wharf, he paused to listen. Yes thats the one. Find out who owns it and make them an offer, I want to own that building by this time tomorrow, he waited for Benny to begin to sputter before grinning. Just do it.

Closing his phone he tucked it in his pocket and gave an absent nod to Johnny who fell into step behind him. It seemed Lucky was trying to go though with idea about moving in with Elizabeth. He couldnt help but feel that Lucky would be using some pressure tactics. As such he had no qualms in planning to offer Elizabeth an alternative.

By the time he was done renovating the building her studio was in, it would be big enough, and secure enough that she could live in it if she chose too. Grateful for the distraction Sonny moved towards his car, a trip to his architect was in order.

~Studio~

Jason walked out of the closet slowly, not sure in what shape he would find Elizabeth. It had taken everything hed had not to open the door and charge Lucky when hed heard her say no. At first when hed realized what was going on between the two of them hed felt sick and tried to block the conversation out, but then hed heard her say no, and the jealousy quickly turned into concern.

In the end it hadnt been his loyalty to Sonny that had kept him from opening the door. It had been his loyalty to her. He knew how shaky Elizabeth was, and he didnt want to add to her problems by dealing with Luckys response to finding him there. So hed kept his hand on the doorknob, ready to open it if it sounded like shed needed help. But in the end he had decided to let her deal with Lucky on her own. The conversation hadnt been easy for him to hear, and he knew it hadnt been easy for her to have either.

He found her leaning against the door, her face was white again, and he was beginning to wonder if shed ever have color in her face again. Her eyes were dry, however, and in closing the distance between them he didnt even see tears in them. Everything about her stance was screaming dont touch me, I might break, so heeding that warning he stopped a few feet in front of her. Are you okay?

Nodding absently she ran a shaky hand through her hair. He didnt understand the point I was trying to make. Why am I not surprised?

I dont understand.

He hasnt heard me in months so why did I think today would be any different, she wondered aloud.

Jason cautiously took her hand to lead her to the couch and was alarmed when he felt how cold it was. She moved with him willingly enough and he wondered if she even knew she was moving. Settling her on the couch he wrapped a blanket around her before moving to the old radiator in an attempt to get more heat in the drafty room.

Sitting next to her on the couch he noted she hadnt moved, her expression was one of puzzlement, like she was trying to figure something out. Keeping quiet he tightened the blanket around her and waited. If she wanted to talk hed listen otherwise it was enough for her to know she wasnt alone.

I never really thought hed forgotten, she murmured out of the blue. Id convinced myself that he hadnt mentioned it because he hadnt wanted to upset me. That was stupid on my part I see that now, but I couldnt help wanting to be right about Lucky, concerning something as important as this. It wasnt that wrong to want to believe he hadnt forgotten, was it?

Jason met her gaze with a confused look but answered anyway. Its never wrong to believe.

A hint of a smile wafted over her features. You dont understand what I mean, but thats okay youre not supposed too. Lucky was supposed too.

Understand what?

When I asked him where we were last week. He got part of it right, shouldnt that be enough? At this point she was talking more to herself than him so she went on before he could answer.

I once had a job at a modeling agency called Downtown Faces. It was when the four of us were trying to find out who was blackmailing Emily. I was only a receptionist and wasnt there for very long, but I never really felt comfortable there, probably because I was suspicious of everyone. They contracted out for photographers. So the models would go to their studios. We went to one of them once. The four of us, looking for pictures of Emily. Her voice was sad and reflective, a ghost of a smile on her lips at the memory.

While we were there I played dress up. I put on this fancy dress and Emily did my hair, it was just a few hour of pretending, with Lucky as my Prince. Ill never forget the look in his eyes when he first saw me. I had never felt cherished before, but in that second I did.

Unsure of why she was telling him this but sensing the need for her to go at her own pace he just listened. It was strange but he felt no jealousy when he heard her describing the Lucky of that time. He had been a witness to the two of them back then, and had known how much Lucky seemed to adore her. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

The second time I was in that studio it wasnt near as pleasant. Id figured out who the blackmailer was and knew Emily was there with him, and she was alone. I didnt even think twice I just ran for the studio and Emily. At that point Tom Baker was only a blackmailer in my mind. But it turned out he was so much more than that, she finished on a whisper.

You dont have to tell me this. Jason stopped when her ice-cold hand patted his once then disappeared back under the blanket.

Hed already locked Emily in the darkroom. I tried to run but he caught me and when he did he whispered not a word and I knew who he was. I knew even before I smelled the strong chemical smell of his soap. I was frozen in place. I couldnt seem to comprehend the fact that after Id given up hope of ever finding my rapist I was now face to face with him, she shivered in her coat and in spite of the blanket. He said things, but the only part that really got through to me was when he smiled and whispered in my face the words sometimes I just like to hunt.

Rage washed over him and he tried to bottle it back. She wasnt telling him this to make him mad. She was telling him for some other reason so the only thing he could do was listen to her, no matter how hard it was for him to hear.

Thats all I was to him, prey. He locked me into the darkroom with Emily and the only thing that came screaming through my mind was the fear and knowledge that he was going to do it again. I couldnt handle that fear and I shut down. Her eyes cleared as she battled back the memories. In the end he didnt but for awhile I thought he would.

She began to fiddle with the fringe on the blanket. Absently twisting a thread around her finger, unraveling it, then doing it again. Her movements caught his attention and as strange as the sight was he was relieved to see it. He was relieved to see any semblance of life from her. Ever since shed begun her story her voice had been cold almost dead, and her expression had remained detached.

The third time I was in that studio was last week. The walls had been painted and it had a new name on the door. It wasnt Tom Baker Photography Studio anymore, but it was still the same place. The darkroom that Laura had the photographer show me was the same one I had been locked in. The wall I had cowered against in terror was now blocked by filing cabinets, but it was the same.

Bringing a hand to her face she wasnt surprised to find her cheeks dry. She was too numb to cry, too numb to feel, and that suited her just fine. As long as she was numb she didnt have to deal with anything.

The place where I was to stand and pose had a different backdrop and a couch was there, that hadnt been there that day. But it was the same spot that I had once stood and held a gun on my rapist. But because the room was now painted, was now full of light, and people, I guess that was supposed to change things, her voice broke and she took the time to firm it before going on.

The fact that Lucky stood and took my picture in the same place hed once wrestled a man to save me wasnt supposed to weigh on my mind anymore, she nodded to herself. It obviously wasnt terribly important to him either, or he wouldnt have forgotten it. He doesnt remember what that studio really means to me. He thinks Im living in the past, he doesnt realize that the past has been brought into my present.

Jason had never wanted to hit someone more in his life. But who is target would be, he wasnt sure. Tom Baker who was still haunting her, or Lucky, whos careless memory had put such a stark look of betrayal in her eyes.

Maybe the only person the memory is a big deal to is me. So maybe Lucky is right, maybe it is time for me to let it go and move on with my life.

You have moved on with your life, unable to keep silent any longer Jason finally spoke up. But moving on doesnt mean that being subjected to a reminder of your past wouldnt hurt. The photography studio is a big reminder for you and Lucky should respect that.

Recognizing the censure in his voice she knew she should defend Lucky, but for once she had no words or energy to do so. I think Emily would understand. She held me together in that darkroom. You would have been proud of the taunts and insults she was yelling at Baker.

Nodding Jason decided to take a chance. Theres something you need to know. The day after this happened Emily came to me and told me everything, including what Baker had done to you. She wanted to tell me why it was so important for me not to retaliate against Baker for what he had done to her. She wanted to handle him herself the way you had done. She was so proud of you, and your strength, she wanted to be like you.

Focusing on him her first instinct was to deny his words, but the knowledge that he had never lied to her weighed heavily on her mind.

I never told anyone and I never will. I know you mentioned the rape to me that first night, Jason went on trying to explain. But when you never brought it up again, neither did I. The only reason Im saying anything is because you need to hear what Emily thought of your actions that day. How strong she thought you were, how much you impressed all of them with your strength. You dont have to prove to anyone how strong you are Elizabeth, we already know. You dont have to try to prove it by pretending a room doesnt affect you. And no one should ask you too.

You would have done it wouldnt you?

Elizabeths soft observation stopped his words. Done what?

You would have taken care of Baker because of what he did to your sister. She made the words a statement not a question.

Shifting uncomfortably he wasnt sure how to answer that. Elizabeth got to her feet and moved away from him, and that unsettled him even more.

You had only known Emily for a few years, but you would have killed for her because she was your sister, she went on with a sigh. You considered her your sister even though there was no shared blood between you, and you had no memory of a shared history with her. In the short time that you had known her she had become your sister and you would have killed to protect her.

Unwilling to lie Jason simply nodded at her observations.

I wonder what that kind of love feels like, she whispered. The first flicker of feeling flittered through her stomach and wanting the numbness, she tried to quash it.

Jasons attention moved to her answering machine and the blinking light on it, signaling the message from Sarah. A message she didnt know about. She needed to know that it seemed like Sarah was making an effort. I cant tell you that Sarah loves you in the same way but I do think she cares.

No, her voice was sharp, her expression livid. This isnt about my fam stalling she moved back to the couch and perched beside him. Its not about the Webbers. This is about me coming to terms with happened with Baker just like Lucky said I needed to do.

He knew she was lying. What she was going through with the Webbers was coloring everything around her. He also had a feeling it was triggering her memories about Tom Baker. But at the sight of the desperate look in her eye, and her increasingly agitated movements he decided not to confront her about the Webbers. I still say you have moved on.

Not far enough for Lucky, she answered bitterly. You know hes never once asked me what last Valentines Day was like for me. Hes never asked about the year he was gone and I was here alone. For all he knows something else could have happened.

But nothing did right? Jason asked softly.

Everything happened Jason, she whispered softly. Everything changed in that year and I cant change it back. The sad thing is, I dont want to change back.

Then dont, he said simply and when she brought her head up, and her eyes met his, the desolation in them nearly broke his heart.

What does it say about a relationship when one person in it cant remember one of the most important things in his partners life, and the other person, when their in pain, or in trouble, they turn to someone else for comfort? She asked softly.

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 8


~Studio~

Her desperate question hung in the air between them, and before Jason could even attempt an answer, Elizabeth shot off the couch and anxiously moved away.

Dont answer that. Its not a fair question. It was also a question she was desperately afraid that she knew the answer too. And the answer wasnt one she was even close to being able to deal with.

Im just really confused and talking aloud, the words flew out of her in a rush and her movements increased. Dont pay any attention to what I say. I dont think I even know what Im saying. I just need to think, you see once I figure things out I wont overreact anymore. Thats all Im doing Im just overreacting.

Jason stayed where he was, he could see how spooked she was getting and not wanting to set her off even more, he kept his hands busy folding the blanket and nodded in her direction. Maybe you just need sleep.

Sleep? She blinked owlishly in his direction then jumped on the words like they were a lifeline. Thats right I need sleep. I havent slept in, faltering she tried to remember the last time shed managed more than 20 minutes of sleep at one time.

How long has it been since youve gotten any sleep?

The night I went to New York. I came here and I slept. I guess Ive just had too much on my mind since then, she gestured a bit wildly. You know everything with Lucky, the Face of Deception competition, school, and work. I just havent had time to sleep.

Her eye fell on the box of photos that were on the table and she quickly latched onto them. I need to finish Luckys present. I dont know what Ive been thinking about, I should have had this done days ago. I meant too, but when I found out about Sar I should have finished this before now.

Why cant you sleep? Jason asked, getting up from the couch, when she jolted he kept his distance.

I told you I have a lot on my mind. School, work, the competition, she answered sharply. Her mind was racing and the numbness that had been cloaking her was gradually beginning to fade. That worried her. When she was numb, she was in control, but when she wasnt, she was doing crazy things.

Her continued refusal to even mention what had happened with the Webbers concerned him. Avoidance could be good at times, but this avoidance seemed unhealthy to him. She was obviously thinking about what shed found out, she just wasnt talking about it, and that wasnt good. Knowing that he was the only one she was really able to talk to he reluctantly realized he was going too have to push her. Why cant you sleep? He asked again.

I told you, she hissed in warning, but the concern in his eyes made her speak the truth. The dreams are back. Theyre there every time I close my eyes.

Nodding in understanding he cautiously moved closer. What about the dreams?

The dreams arent important, she backed off and changed her mind, shifting her focus to the photos again. I think Ill finish this project at home.

She began to shove the photos back in the box, not caring or noticing the way she was wrecking some of the photos in the process.

But Jason noticed. You dont have to run away from me.

Im not running, she lied breathlessly. I just think I should leave.

Why? What do you think will happen if you stay? He moved closer when he saw the way her hands were gripping the photos.

Nothing will happen, she tried to sound firm but failed. If she stayed shed start to feel things. If she felt than she would have to think. If she thought shed have to process, and if she began to process things shed have to come to terms with the Webbers and what they had done to her. And more importantly shed have to come to terms with Lucky and the answer to her question that was still ringing in her ears.

Then stay.

His words caught her attention and she studied him through veiled lashes. He looked so strong, so in control, so safe. Safe wasnt a word she should equate with Jason because of the way he chose to live his life. But it was the word that best described him. To her he represented safety and security, and the nagging voice in her head was busy reminding her what had happened the last time she had depended on someone else to make her feel safe.

Every time she had depended on someone shed gotten hurt. If it had happened only once or twice she might have been able to get past it, but this hurt was consistent. This hurt had been piled upon, it was yearly, it was daily and it had started when she was just 6 years old. The instincts that had been developed over time were screaming at her to protect herself.

I dont want to be around you anymore, she whispered finally listening to those instincts. As bad as it sounded she would rather be around Lucky than she would Jason, right now. Lucky didnt know when she was hiding things, he didnt know when she was in pain, he hadnt known since his return almost a year ago. But Jason always knew.

She knew she could be around Lucky and she wouldnt have to deal with anything because he wouldnt know or even realize he should be asking her why she was unhappy. And as sad as it was, it was also very appealing to her. It was sad to finally realize that the person who knew her the best wasnt her boyfriend, and it hadnt been him for years. That realization was yet another thing weighing on her heart, her mind, and the already heavy burden she was carrying seemed to grow.

Why? Seeing her blank look Jason repeated the question. Why dont you want to be around me anymore?

She tried not to hear the question, she tried to ignore the plea in his eyes that seemed to begging her to let him in, she tried, but in the end failed. Because you wont stay. You never stay for very long, she explained haltingly, each word peeling away at the numbness, exposing the aching wound that was her heart.

No one ever stays around me for very long. Not even you. And when you leave Jason, its like I dont even exist anymore, the words were hard to say but they were her truth. I messed up with you this time. I told you I was doing the wrong things again, and my biggest mistake was with you.

What do you mean? He wanted to correct her assumption that hed leave, but the longer shed went on, hed been compelled to let her words go for now.

I let you in too far this time. I dont know how or why. Maybe it was because of all the time you and I spent together one on one this time around. Maybe it was because you were stuck here listening to my circular and repetitive train of thoughts. Whatever the reason I let you in. Youre in too close this time and when you leave, its really going to hurt, she finished on a sigh as another layer was torn away.

Im not going to leave Elizabeth, his eyes locked on her disbelieving ones. I promise.

Dont, she held up her hand desperate to stop the words. I told you no promises.

Its too late to Elizabeth. Its been too late for weeks now, he ignored her repeated shakes of the head and went on. If you think you made a mistake by letting me in, you should know I made the same one about you, only I dont think of it as a mistake, he inched closer. You once asked me if I ever thought about you, and I told you all the time. I dont lie Elizabeth. I didnt stop thinking about you because I didnt see you anymore. If anything, I thought about you even more.

What are you saying? She whispered, not quite willing to believe what she saw in his eyes.

Slowly he extended his hand, her eyes locked on it and watched it warily as he brought it to her face, cupping her chin in his hand. Her eyes moved back to his face as he drew the pad of his finger down the softness of her cheek. Whether it was only instinct, or a conscious decision on her part, he didnt know, but Elizabeth soon tilted her head into his hand, lengthening the contact.

Do you want me to answer that question? He asked in a voice made rough by emotion. Or do you want me to answer your earlier question about Lucky?

She stiffened at the mention of Luckys name, her eyes flew open and searched his face again, but she didnt withdraw.

Because the answers to both questions are almost the same. Relying on instinct he leaned over and pressed his lips against the cool, smooth skin of her forehead. He kept the pressure light and felt her breath expel against his throat. Drawing back he tilted her head up to study it. Her eyes werent near as desperate as they had been, and her breathing seemed much easier. She was still too pale for his liking but there was a hint of color in her cheeks.

Why do you care about me? Elizabeth forced out the shaky question. Is it out of gratitude or some twisted sense of honor because you think I saved your life? There had to be a reason to explain why he seemed to care about her, one that would make sense to her. No one had ever cared about her for no reason at all.

Lucky had initially begun to care for her, for several reasons. A misplaced sense of guilt because he had stood her up the night of the dance and shed went out on her own and been raped. Also there was her desperation and neediness. She had needed someone, and he had been so willing to be that person for her. Deep down she wondered if his strong desire to help her had been rooted partially in what hed discovered about his father not long after her own rape. She knew that Lucky had loved her, but still his fear over being like Luke had been palpable at that time in their lives.

Nikolas had initially begun to care about her by extension. She was Emilys friend, Sarahs sister, and eventually Luckys girlfriend. In a lot of ways that was who she still was. She had been forced into his orbit and hed begun to care. Emily cared at first because she was making the effort to be nice, for both Sarah and Luckys sake.

Her Gram cared for her by default because she thought she was a Webber. Her family obviously had never truly cared for her, not even Sarah, although it had looked differently for a time. Sonny cared because of Jason.

But why did Jason care? What was his excuse, his reason for caring about her? Until she could figure it out it was dangerous for her to give too much of herself to him. Until she knew why, there was always a chance that she would do something wrong, something that would take his feelings for her, away. Peoples feelings changed all the time, sometimes for no reason at all. So how could she make sure she did nothing to make Jason give up on her, if she didnt know why he was there in the first place?

Frowning slightly at her question, and unsure of where it had come from, Jason didnt know how to answer it. No one had ever asked him why he liked them before, he normally got the question, why didnt he like them. He didnt know how to explain, in words, the feeling he got inside when he was around her.

Most people didnt register to him. Some of the few that did managed to awake some feelings inside of him. Those feelings at times confused and baffled him, but they were never so strong he couldnt go on without them if necessary. But then there were some people who made him feel so much that he actually felt pain when they were hurting.

Robin had been the first person that had happened with. And it took a long time for him to realize that what he was feeling was a sense of love that was so strong that hed taken on her pain and made it his own. The next person hed felt that with had been Michael. When Michael had cried tears of heartbreak, the tears had caused him actual physical pain.

And now it seemed there was Elizabeth. He hadnt been aware that shed moved into that category of caring until a few days ago. Sure he knew he liked her. He knew he cared about her a lot, and if it hadnt have been for Lucky he would have wanted to be with her even more, but hed thought that was it. Then the night shed went to New York had happened and hed realized his feeling went so much beyond like.

She had chosen to come to him instead of Lucky at a time that shed been hanging on by only a thread. She had come to him almost quivering in pain and hurt, and the sight of that hurt had hurt him so bad, and he realized there was a very good chance that he cared even more for Elizabeth than he knew.

He wanted to tell her that to answer the question, but instinct warned him that she was too shaky to hear the words right now, and if he wanted any hope of a future with her, he needed to wait. He wanted to begin with her because it was something they both wanted, not because she was desperate and in pain.

You dont know do you? Elizabeth stepped back when the silence began to scream in her ears. I dont blame you for not answering, it wasnt a fair question to you. Who knows maybe you cant answer because the truth is you really dont care for me at all. Maybe the only reason your holding my hand and telling me what I want to hear is because you need a place to stay. Thats it, she cried out suddenly, agitated and hurt she lashed out with her words. Sonny needs you here, so youll say whatever you have too, in order to stay.

Elizabeth. Jasons voice was sharp as he tried to stop her words. Hed forgotten how close to the edge she was, and realized hed been quiet too long.

I hope your getting hazard pay, she went on recklessly. Sonny doesnt know what he sentenced you too does he? Jasons shocked expression seemed to fade from her vision. In his place were the Webbers, Lucky, and all the people who had hurt her for so long.

I am sick to death of being everybodys pity project. People tell me that they care about me, yet theyre quick to walk out when they get want they want or need from me. Its funny how quick they are to tell me that they love me, its even funnier when they put limits on that love. If Im perfect, if Im like Sarah, then theyll love me even more. The pressure in her chest began to grow. But thats nothing but lies. No one ever really cares about me, not really. Just like you dont care. Im just a life-sized doll thats all. Wind me up and put me on display and I can be whomever you want me to be.

Her breathing began to hitch but she had no hope of stopping the words. The hurt underlying the words was too intense and she finally began to break.

What does it matter to people that I feel pain? What does it matter to them that Im someone who loves and wants love in return? It doesnt matter to them because Im not real to them. Im just Luckys girlfriend. And that is a role I know very well. Its a role I can slide into on a moments notice with nothing more than a smile that doesnt reach my eyes. Im good at playing that role and its the one role everyone wants me to play, so I better be good.

Elizabeth...

Another role I do so excellently is mistake. The Webbers wanted another child but they got saddled with me instead. But even though I was the mistake they still wanted me to be perfect. They just never bothered to tell me that no matter how hard I tried I would never be perfect. Bitterness welled up so high inside of her she thought shed choke on it, but still the words kept coming.

I couldnt be perfect, but that didnt mean I still didnt have a role to fulfill. I was the screw up, the black sheep, the mistake that every family has but no one ever discusses aloud, outside of whispers that is. This was my role and I learned to play it very well. Wind me up and I would cause a scene at the most inopportune time. You see that way they were able to give me that disappointed look and speech, and their friends would feel sorry for them, and all they had to put up with, with me for a daughter, she nodded in remembrance. I learned that role very well.

What else? She paced away from Jasons outstretched hand. It was getting harder and harder for her to think. The roaring sound in her ears seemed to be growing with every word.

My next role du jour is friend. I had to be the perfect confidant for Emily and her burgeoning love life. Never mind the fact that love is the last thing I should ever be allowed to give advice upon. But I learned how to parrot the right response, and she never stopped coming to me for advice.

Her eyes met his briefly and she was unnerved by the concern she saw being reflected back at her. She didnt want his concern. She wanted him to be horrified. She wanted him to walk away from her now, before he could hurt her even more, when he did it later. Her mind raced, searching for some reason to get him to turn his back on her.

I also had to be the supportive friend for Nikolas. First when Lucky died and then again with the mess with Katherine, she smirked in his general direction being careful not to look him in the eye. You saw how well I played that role.

Jason nodded, the decision had been made to just let her get it all out, without interruption, she obviously needed to let it out, and he was well aware of what she was doing. Each remark was a dare, and he wasnt going to take her up on it.

I also had to be the surrogate daughter for Luke and Laura. At first that role was fun to play. But then I realized that the word surrogate would always apply to me. I was kept close because it was necessary, I was necessary to bring Lucky back to them. Once I learned that was my role it was easier, for me not to care about them so much, she lied desperately.

Whirling around she advanced on Jason. But my role with you is strange to define. You keep changing it on me. Who do you want me to be? I need a hint. What role am I to play? What Elizabeth should I be, so you dont leave?

She rubbed wearily at the pain in her side. Every time I think I have it figured out you prove me wrong, by leaving. I was too clingy the first time around, so I made sure I stayed a little aloof the second time, but it didnt matter. In the end you still left.

I want the real Elizabeth, just like I always have, Jason answered honestly. I want the Elizabeth that comes to life because she wants too not because shes expected too. She is the only Elizabeth Ive ever known and thats who I want.

That Elizabeth wasnt good enough, she reminded him bitterly.

Jasons eyes clouded over in confusion. What do you mean?

That was the Elizabeth that asked you to stay the first time, she pointed out, her voice like ice. And you know what? You left anyway, so dont tell me you think you know me, or that you care about me. Because we both know thats not true.

Why are you lying Elizabeth? You know thats not true. Jason kept his voice easy even as his insides began to get churned up. She was right about her role-playing ability. In the last several minutes hed seen several facades to Elizabeth. He wondered how many more there were to be seen. But all of them had one thing in common, she was in pain and she was close to breaking because of it. That was what was causing her words.

The demon that was driving her at the moment wasnt a good one. Her desire to push him away once and for all was screaming inside of her. He was the only one that she still cared about that had the potential to destroy her. Because of that she had to get rid of him.

Ignoring his words Elizabeth moved even closer and placed her hands on his chest. His eyes narrowed in suspicion, but she ignored that and started a slow leisurely journey up the hard muscles in his chest. The pleasure shed always thought she get in doing this, was sadly lacking. What Elizabeth would have made you stay? An aggressive one? She suggested with a sly look. Sweet obviously wasnt working for you.

Dont do this. Jason tried to stop her hands, but she was too quick. Soon her hands were clasped around his neck, her chest pressed tight to his, as she got to her toes.

Would you have stayed for the Elizabeth who would have wrapped herself around you like this and done this to you? Catching him by surprise she pressed her lips to his in a swift and desperate move. Her lips pressed against his hard unyielding ones. There was no pleasure or passion in the kiss, just anger and an underlying taste of fear.

Tasting the fear Jason jerked back almost immediately and pulled her hands from his neck. Dont do this Elizabeth. Im not Lucky, she tried to jerk away from him but he held onto her easily.

Im not the Webbers, he continued on when her struggles increased. And Im not any of the other people who have wanted something from you and left once they got it. At her frenzied shake of the head he kept on. I dont want you to be anyone but who you are. And this, what your doing now, is not who you are.

Elizabeth jerked free of his hold, her face a picture of scorn. What makes you think you know me at all Jason? How do you know I havent just been playing a role with you too?

Youre eyes give you away all the time Elizabeth, he explained easily. All you have to do is care enough to look. And I care. Again she shook her head in denial and frustration caused him to go on. I know finding out about the Webbers hurt you. That hurt is only more intense because it happened when it did.

The Webbers have nothing to do with this, she interrupted with a shout. Why would I be upset after finding out Im not really a Webber? Do you know how long Ive dreamed about something like this happening? Apparently you dont know me as well as you thought you did, she jeered coldly.

I know it hurt finding out what you did. And the way you found out hurt even more, ignoring her words he continued on. I know thats the reason youre acting like this. Youre trying to push me away and youre hurting yourself to do it.

You think the only reason Im coming on to you is because of what I found out? She demanded with a laugh and closed the distance between them until she could touch him again. Maybe Im just using this as an excuse because down deep Im nothing but a slut. After all look at the woman who gave birth to me. She sold me like I was a newspaper, thats hardly a stellar pedigree. Maybe every time I thought I was bad it wasnt just me acting the role, maybe I was acting the way I was supposed too, because Im nothing but trash.

You dont believe that. Jason stepped back in order to see her face, breaking contact when he did so.

His words never registered, just his actions. And his actions were a rejection of her. With the rejection came the memories of the taunts shed been hearing in her dreams. You dont like me anymore. You dont want me anymore because of this, do you?

What? Jason blinked in surprise at her sudden shift in demeanor. Where before shed been angry and desperate, now, in the blink of an eye, she was destroyed again.

You dont like me because Im nothing but trash, she backed away from him, her face a mixture of confusion, hurt, and pain. My own mother took one look at me and knew I was trash, I bet even Tom Baker wouldnt want me now, she rubbed her temples when they began to pound. He told me he doesnt.

Tom Baker isnt here Elizabeth. Jason took a step after her in concern, but for every step he took she retreated even further. Youre not trash.

I dont know who Im supposed to be anymore. I try to slide into my roles and none of their skins seem to fit me. I dont know who to be. Her jumbled thoughts raced through her mind and she came up short when her back hit the door. I cant be here anymore. I cant do this anymore, you need to leave, her hand twisted the doorknob. No I need to leave, before you find out Im trash and you throw me away too.

Turning abruptly she yanked on the door but it refused to open, her hands fumbled on the lock. Jason put his hands on her shoulders and she knew he was speaking but she couldnt hear the words over the roar in her ears.

Reacting more on instinct than thought, she turned under his hands and shoved him hard. Catching him off-guard, he staggered back giving her the opportunity she so desperately needed. Twisting the lock she opened the door and started her desperate flight down the hall.

~Penthouse~

Sonny let himself in his home, quietly and reluctantly, and an empty room greeted him. Taking that as a positive sign he took off his coat and moved further inside the room. He saw the briefcase he had bought for Carly when she started at Deception lying on the table next to Michaels current favorite toy, a jet airplane.

The faint sounds of laughter drifted down to him from the stairs. Glancing at his watch he realized it was bath time. A soft knock came from the door behind him and he quickly moved to answer it. Yes?

Mr. Corinthos, Rick spoke when the door opened. I wanted to tell you that Greg is here now, so Ill be leaving. Unless you want me to do something else?

No thats fine Rick. Pausing a moment then, uncharacteristically, he went on. Youve been doing a good job. It may not look like it but when I assigned you to guard my family it was a promotion.

I know that sir, Rick began in earnest. Ill take good care of your family, believe me.

I do, Sonny nodded and shut the door in dismissal. There were so many people that he wasnt able to trust in his life, so many potential vipers in the nest. Every time he let anyone in he knew it was risk, but Rick had proven himself with time. He would have felt better if Francis was available, but he was still recovering from injury. That had left him with a choice between Manny and Rick, and in the end hed decided to go with the experience that Rick had boasted, over Francis latest recruit.

His attention shifted when a squeal of laughter and a pounding of bare feet caught his attention. He turned in time to see a naked and dripping Michael jump the remaining two stairs and make a beeline for him.

Squatting automatically, he caught Michael in his arms, neither caring nor noticing the dampness on his shirt.

Uncle Sonny, the boy cried in obvious delight.

Michael did you forget to get dressed today?

The little boy giggled and shook his head. Im hiding from mama.

Michael, a frazzled looking Carly appeared on the stairs. What do you think your doing?

Squirming to get down Michael began giggling again. You were it mama.

Now youre it Mr. Man, she advanced on him. The teasing light in her eyes offset the warning look.

Uncle Sonny save me. Michael locked his arms around Sonnys neck.

Sonny could feel the boy shaking with laughter and smiled. I dont know Michael, your mamas awfully mean.

Listen to Uncle Sonny, Carly reached her son and instead of taking him away from Sonny she began to tickle him. The sound of laughter filled the penthouse, it was a sound that was still unfamiliar to the dark rooms of the penthouse.

Michael worked his way down and dodging his mother, took off for the stairs.

You better be back in the tub by the time I get up there, Carly called after her disappearing son. Turning to look at her husband she smiled and kissed him in belated welcome. Youre wet, she announced with a slight wrinkling of her nose.

So are you, he pointed out. The sound of laughter had gotten to him and some of the anxiety and tension hed been feeling for months eased. Taking her hand he held her in place when she moved for the stairs. What are you doing tonight?

Carly was a little surprised at the question but tried not to show it. This was the first overture that Sonny had made to her since hed mentioned getting married again. I have some work, and you mentioned a meeting.

There is no meeting, he decided in that instant. Hed been using meetings as an excuse to stay away from her, but didnt want to do that tonight. He knew there was a good chance that he might die tomorrow. The meeting hed arranged was risky, even with Jason as a backup, he might have missed something. Something that could cost him his life.

The realization of that, the sight of his family and the fact that he was in fact the selfish bastard, everyone accused him to be, made him change his mind. He wanted one more night with his family. The fact that they wouldnt know it could be their last together wasnt important at that moment. He still needed the night. Taking her hands in his, his eyes grew serious and searched hers. Will you forget about work and spend the night with me and Michael?

Carly fought to keep the surprise from her face. The fact that he was asking instead of merely assuming, would have told her something was up even if she hadnt already figured it out. She knew that whatever was bothering him was getting worse, and that in turn, scared her.

But tonight, wasnt going to be a night of questions or fear, she decided that right away. If Sonny wanted a night with the family then that was what hed get. The thought of the extra early hours of work shed have to put in to prepare for her meeting with Laura never even crossed her mind. Carly smiled and put her arms around his neck. Youve got yourself a date.

Smiling slyly Sonny lowered his head and kissed her again, this time with a passion fueled by pent-up fear mixed with longing. Carly met him with a passion of her own, and tried to give more than he asked for. Breaking the kiss reluctantly he stepped back. You better check on Michael before he decides to take a bath with your makeup again.

He wouldnt dare. He lost Blues Clues for a week the last time he did that. A considering look crossed her features. Michael I dont hear any splashing, she called moving quickly for the stairs.

Sonny smiled at her haste and he managed to hang onto it for another minute, before it finally faded. With her and Michael out of the room the penthouse seemed to move back to the darkness that he was used to living in. Carly was the last thing to pure or perfect a woman could be, but the light she, they, brought into his world was a light hed never thought hed see or feel.

His early days with Brenda had been fun, but at the same time intense. How could it not be intense when a woman you were just beginning to date found you shot and donated some of her blood to keep you alive? Their relationship had been stormy, thrilling, and unhealthy. They had thrived on hurting each other, yet at the same time they loved each other.

Sometimes he felt that was the real problem right there. They loved each other too much. Alone they were equally damaged, but together they were destructive. It was like they were junkies they couldn't stay away from each other, yet they couldn't stop hurting each either. Brenda was his drug, she had been so entrenched in his veins he knew she'd always be there.

After Brenda he'd never really thought he'd love again. He'd considered trying with Hannah, but that consideration had been brief and laughable. And the only reason he'd ever considered trying with her at all, was because of her resemblance to Lily and her occasional flash of fiery spirit, that Brenda had lived her every moment with. He'd never loved Hannah, but dating her had been safe for him, because there was no risk of caring too much for her.

Of course Hannah hadn't been safe after all. And even though he hadn't loved her he'd felt betrayed by the way she had played him. He had been reeling from that betrayal, and still missing his drug, Brenda, when Carly had crashed into his life one cold, and snowy November night. Carly hadn't been looking for him either. They came together in a night designed to inflict hurt on themselves, on each other, and on Jason. Nothing should have come of it, and maybe nothing would've. But they'd made a baby that night, a baby they both had wanted so desperately.

Anger had brought them together in the first place. A baby had tied them together. But it was love that made them stay together. And now he was considering walking away from her because of that same love.

He'd walked away from love once before, no actually twice before. Choosing to marry Lily, to save himself from jail, even though he'd loved Brenda, had been hard. Leaving Brenda at the alter when he was desperately in love with her had been even harder. Leaving her had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life.

It had been hard, but he'd convinced himself that what he was doing was the best thing possible for Brenda. In a sense it had been, but it was still selfish on his part. He never really thought that she'd move on, not for good anyway, and yet she had. He'd never understood how she could do that, how she could have turned to someone else, and then he'd found himself getting to know Carly.

Carly would kill him if she knew he was comparing her to Jax. Hell, he got a feeling of distaste in his mouth just thinking of the comparison. But it was true. He'd never thought he'd love again until Carly. Slowly, so very slowly, he'd found that he didn't miss Brenda as severely, and soon there were days, even weeks that he didn't think about her at all.

Brenda had been his soulmate, but as someone had once said. Just because someone is your soulmate it doesn't mean you'll end up with them for life. He liked to believe that was the case here. Brenda and him would have ended up destroying each other, but Carly and him had a chance to survive, unless he stuck to his guns and ended things.

Sonny wanted to believe that he was strong enough to let her go, so she could be safe and hopefully find someone who could make her happy. He wanted to believe that he was strong enough to set her free. The object of his thoughts walked down the stairs and smiled at him.

But he'd always been a selfish bastard, and he didn't want to let her go.

~Studio~

Elizabeth's body was shaking like she had the dry heaves, her chest was burning, her breath coming in gasps, yet no tears were falling as she ran for the door to the street. She hadn't known falling apart so completely, could be so painful. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew she couldn't stay around Jason any longer. It hurt her physically to look at him. With each passing second she was spiraling more and more out of control, and that was scaring her.

Jason's hand closed over hers on the doorknob before she could open it, and the sight of his hand engulfing hers froze her in place. "God Jason I'm sorry," she worked up the apology but refused to look at him.

"I don't want you sorry," came the whispered reply in her hair. "I want you okay."

The soft words, were enough to break the dam and the tears finally began to fall. "I-I don't know why this is wrecking me. But it is and my instinct is to wreck everything around me so I don't feel the pain anymore."

She reluctantly turned around and forced herself to meet his gaze. "I'll wreck you if you let me."

"No you won't," he brought his hand up to brush away the tears, but they were quickly replaced by more. He'd seen her cry more tears than anyone should ever have to cry, but these seemed different. These weren't tears of grief, or loss, or heartbreak, these, hopefully, were tears of healing. So all he did was brush them as they fell.

"Don't let me wreck things," she pleaded opening her heart to him fully for the first time.

"I won't," he promised and opened his arms.

Nodding wearily, the tears were coming quicker and blinding her vision, she moved in his arms and let herself take the comfort he'd been trying to give her for days. A gradual feeling of warmth seeped inside her bones, and the tears continued to fall. The little voice that was telling her she'd just made a big mistake was easy to ignore. Jason didn't offer the platitudes like many others would have, and that was the very reason she let herself break, and knew that somehow she would get through this.

~*~

Drawing on his strength, she was able to find her own and eventually she drew back, Jason seemed reluctant to let go of her but finally did. She sniffled once, then twice, unsure of where to begin, and knowing how awful she must look, she studied the ground. "About what happened earlier."

"I don't care about what happened earlier. I don't care about what was said. All I care about is this moment and you," he interrupted the apology quickly.

Remarkably his words caused her to smile, because only he would be able to say those words after a scene like that and mean them.

When he saw that ghost of a smile, a little of the pressure in his chest began to ease. "Will you come back upstairs?"

The meaning of his words sunk in and belatedly she realized where she was, and more importantly where he was. Her head shot up and her face took on a worried expression as she looked around furiously. "Jason what are you doing down here? What if someone sees you? Your supposed to be keeping out of sight, following a hysterical woman is not keeping out of sight." Energized by the prospect of him being in danger she tugged on his hand trying to move him. "Don't you know that I'd be a wreck if anything happened to you?"

The warmth her worried rebuke awoke in him was surprising, so too was the tease that came so easily to his lips. "You mean you're not a wreck already?"

She froze at his words, her eyes widening in surprise and he instantly regretted them. Before he had the chance to apologize she let out a laugh. It was a small laugh, and it sounded rusty, but it was a laugh, and rusty or not, he was relieved to hear it.

"I may have just hit bottom Jason, but let's not test that theory. You need to get out of sight." She tugged on his hand again but she'd have better luck moving the concrete wall behind him.

"You know you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And talented, and smart"

"You forgot perfect," she reminded him with a sarcastic roll of her eyes and began moving up the stairs, knowing he'd follow.

"No I didn't. You're not perfect," Jason replied easily. "No one is perfect, that's the only reason we can stand being around other people."

Elizabeth paused on the stairs and Jason joined her and waited, unsure if they were about to start another roller coaster ride or not.

"There is one thing I want to say about earlier, then we'll let it go unless you want to talk about something." Jason reached out and framed her face in his hands, she looked startled by the move but didn't pull away.

"You asked me why I cared for you." Her eyes dropped to his chin and his grip tightened slightly to hold her in place. "You make me laugh, the way no one else has ever been able too. You make me think about things I never even noticed before you brought them up. You bring color into my life. You show me things," her eyes met his and he could see the disbelief in them. "And you never once make me feel like your talking down to me, or trying to teach me something."

"I could never do that," she looked startled at the suggestion. "You're the one I go to for advice."

Risk.

It was all around her, and in a lot of ways it had surrounded her, her whole life. Some people felt she'd taken a huge risk when she'd ran away from Colorado at age 15. Others said she had risked her life when she had chosen to remain friends with Jason. Another risk had been by allowing Sonny in her life. Others said she had risked her life when she chose to confront Helena. Risk was a feeling she was used to, but the biggest risk she'd ever taken was the one she was about too.

It didn't look like much, and most people probably wouldn't even know she was taking a risk, but Jason wasn't most people. Tentatively she held out her hand and when he took it, his eyes were serious, he knew the step she'd just taken.

She managed the first real smile of the day and studied him. "I don't know why you came home when you did Jason. I don't know what I finally got right, but I must have done something, because you happened to be here when I'm falling apart. Poor you, but lucky me."

"I told you," she reached over and stopped the words with a finger on his lips.

"Let's not test your theory." Keeping his hand she began walking up the stairs again. She took three steps before she was compelled to speak again. "Jason I haven't seen them in close to 5 years, and they never loved me, so why does it hurt so much?"

"It doesn't matter how they felt about you. What matters is how you felt about them," her hand tightened on his. "And you loved them."

She considered his words as they walked down the hall to her studio. Could it really be that simple?

[JRK Archiver]

Chapter 9


~Studio~

A silence had descended between Jason and Elizabeth, but instead of feeling unnerved by the silence, it was comforting. After the last several days and more importantly the roller coaster ride of the last hour Elizabeth was more than ready for the sounds of silence. In a way she felt better than she had in days. Crashing the way she had, finally hitting rock bottom was something she had needed to do. A part of her must have realized that all along and that was the part that told her to stay away from the studio. Jason was the only person who could make her break the way she had. He was the only person who could get her to say the things shed buried, the things she tried to pretend didnt exist.

What was it about him? When, no how, had be become her safe harbor? His phone had rung not long after they entered the studio and Elizabeth used the distraction to study him. Hed moved back to his customary spot by the window, his eyes on the docks while he spoke quietly in the phone. His presence, his strength never seemed to leave him. She wondered if he knew how lucky he was.

Her breakdown, although it may have been cathartic, had left her feeling drained. Weariness seemed to hit her all at once and she settled back into the cushions of the couch. Nothing had really changed, she was still lying to everyone but Jason and she was the lie the Webbers put out. She had figured nothing out, and soon shed have to leave to prepare for her evenings performance as Luckys girlfriend at the dinner with Zander and Emily. It was a testament to her sudden sleepiness that she didnt immediately castigate herself for her thoughts about Lucky. She was almost asleep when she felt a blanket being wrapped around her. Im not asleep.

Hearing her slurred words and seeing the way her eyes remained closed he knew it wouldnt take long for her to fall asleep. You should be.

I cant. She knew she should move but couldnt find the energy. When the cushion beside her depressed with Jasons weight she shifted until her head rested on his shoulder. Im not sleepy.

Okay. Jason kept his voice soft and waited. Her breathing grew deeper and she went lax against the cushion, against him and he knew she was out. Whatever emotion shed used to drive her had finally given out, which was a good thing. She needed her rest. Judging from the hollow in her cheeks, the dark smudges under her eyes she hadnt slept in days. If she kept going like this she was going to get sick. If that happened all those things she didnt want to think about would come crashing into her.

In a way his history dealing with Sonny was helping him understand what was driving Elizabeth. She was still hiding from the truth shed found out, but he hoped that what had happened today was the first step in facing it. He realized that there would probably be several more scenes like the one today, he could only hope that they wouldnt be as severe. He also hoped that he would be around the next time she fell apart.

Elizabeth sighed into his neck and shifted against him. It amazed him the way she could sleep on the uncomfortable couch, but more than that, the way she curled into him really surprised him. She shouldnt have fit as perfectly as she did. A part of him warned him that he shouldnt get used to the feeling that there was no guarantee that Elizabeth would ever sleep next to him again. Yet even as his mind warned him his heart opened up to the feeling her trust gave him. The fact she kept turning to him, when she was going through one of the worst things in her life had to mean something.

Feelings, though unspoken, were strong between them and as strong as the feelings of friendship were, there was another set of feelings developing between them as well. These feelings went much deeper then friendship, and they were growing every day. He knew she was attracted to him, he also knew that if he were to kiss her she wouldnt pull away from him. But he also knew what would happen if he did.

Those feelings that were developing would probably wither and die if he pushed her now. It wasnt in his behavior to push at anytime but especially not with her, especially not now. Hed seen the pressure she put on herself, the pressure Lucky put on her, the pressure her Grandmother was putting on her and wouldnt allow himself to become another person who pressured her.

There were times, like now he wished he were a little bit selfish. If he were more like Sonny he could get more involved, hed have too. He hated to see her in so much pain and be limited in what he could to help, but he realized that all he could do was be there for her.

~Harborview~

Sonny leaned back in his chair and watched his family. Michael was going through his normal nighttime antics of trying to con a second dessert. Carly was playing her role as the mom who needed to be persuaded. Michael never knew that his second piece of pie or cake had already been cut for him in the kitchen. It was tradition for Michael to beg, tradition for Carly to pretend reluctance and tradition that Carly would be almost as thrilled as Michael when he finally realized hed won.

Tradition and family they were two words he believed strongly in. They were also two words he still had trouble identifying with himself. Tradition, at least in business was something he could understand, something that he maintained. But tradition as it applied to family was alien to him. The traditions he grew up with were what had scarred him. His mother had been willing to put up with the beatings from Deke because of the vows she made and the tradition that the husband was the lord of the manor. A child was to obey the master of the house even if he locked him in cabinets or beat him within an inch of his life. That was how things were done.

Family was also something he expected within his work. Loyalty went hand in hand with his definition of family. And right now his family was falling apart. It was falling apart because someone he thought was loyal was betraying him. The idea of one of his people betraying him was destroying him. The rage he felt over that betrayal was eating at him. The betrayal he was facing with his work family was also causing problems with his home life, with his family.

He couldnt help pulling back from Carly, from Michael. He had almost died weeks earlier because of a betrayal. He might die tomorrow, again, because of a betrayal, and because of that he was betraying his family. A battle was waging inside of him. He knew he should let Carly go, and that thought caused him to smirk. Carly wouldnt go voluntarily, he would have to kick her out of his life. He knew he should do it, hed known it for months, and yet he couldnt do it. He couldnt bring himself to tell Carly that there would be no church wedding. Until he could do that he couldnt walk away so instead he tried to pull away. He still lived in the penthouse but he tried to disconnect emotionally. He watched, he studied, he memorized their every action knowing that he would live on the memories later, yet he still didnt join in.

The dinner was a perfect illustration. It had been his idea, it was his desire to be around Carly and Michael that made him stay in, yet he was still just watching. Carly and Michael had done most of the talking. He knew Carly was worried about him. Carly being worried usually led to bad things, but he couldnt help that. He only had one more night to get through. After tomorrow everything would change, until then he just needed to keep watching and not be drawn in.

Wanna bite?

Sonny was jarred from his thoughts by the nearly unintelligible question. A grin he had no power to stop crossed his face when he spied Michaels almost unrecognizable gap filled grin. Chocolate icing had been smeared around his mouth, and halfway up his cheeks. It looked like he was wearing more of his hard won dessert than eating it. The image was one that was impossible to resist and the wall he was trying to build around his heart tumbled down.

Hmmm, he pursed his lips in thoughtful consideration. I think Ill take a bite, he grabbed Michael. Of you.

Michaels squeal of delight echoed around the dark penthouse and Carly smiled broadly. Whatever was bothering her husband didnt stand a chance against her son and for that she was grateful. Sonny deserved peace in his life, at least for one night.

~Studio~

Elizabeth woke up slowly. Her mind was comfortably numb with a sense of peace she hadnt felt in a long time and she didnt want to lose it. Gradually her blinking came more often until she was finally awake. Once she was, she became aware she wasnt alone. She was snuggled up against Jason, before she could move away in embarrassment she realized he too was asleep.

The knowledge that he was asleep made it safe for her to indulge for a few minutes more. The sensation of warmth, of comfort, of strength, was impossible to deny or resist. His strength never seemed to fully leave him. She envied him that strength, especially now. Even when shed found him bleeding to death in the snow, he still had a hint of strength. Sometimes she believed that what had been killing him that day hadnt been the bullet but what had happened between him, Sonny and Carly. Shed never forget the long walk to her studio, at times it had felt like they were crawling, but they had made it. Sheer determination had held him together until he could collapse on her rickety old couch.

Moving slowly, carefully she shifted until she could study him. His face relaxed while he slept, he looked younger, even vulnerable. It was the unexpected vulnerability that moved her, that touched her heart in a way nothing about him had before. She was falling for him. The moment of clarity came to her in the darkened studio and the realization immobilized her. She had no right to fall for him. She was with Lucky and Jason was only a friend. Getting to her feet she moved from the couch to prowl the studio while she argued with herself.

Jason was more than a friend, hed always been more than a friend but was he a lover, or a potential lover? She wasnt ready to go there. She was in the middle of a crisis and she was depending on him to help. The last time shed been in such an emotional crisis she had depended on Lucky, shed actually lost herself in Lucky, and then almost lost herself entirely when Lucky died.

Jason had helped her deal with his death but he hadnt allowed her to hang on too tight, to depend too much on him. Other things were going on in his life, things she wasnt involved in, things he hadnt shared with her and that had insured that she hadnt got too close. And then of course he had left.

This time she was in crisis and he wasnt holding back with her. He still had other things going on, things he couldnt talk to her about, but it was different. Their closeness was different. This time he wasnt pulling back when she tried to cling. Things were changing between them and she wasnt sure she was strong enough to handle the change.

Everything had changed, her entire identity had shifted, how could she voluntarily change it even more by letting go of Lucky and moving from friendship into so much more with Jason? She may have denied it for weeks but she knew Jason would be happy to take their friendship into a relationship. She also knew he wouldnt push her.

But didnt she owe it to Lucky to stay with him? If she ran from him because they were having a few problems what did that say about her? That she was a fair-weathered girlfriend only available for the good times? Maybe that was what her real mother was like. This time, for the first time she really let herself think about the woman who had given birth to her. The woman who had sold her, the woman whod walked away without a look back. Maybe she was like that woman. After all she was supposedly in love with one man while falling for another, that didnt scream out strong moral fiber.

Youve done nothing wrong.

Startled Elizabeth focused on a now awake Jason. What?

Youre worrying again. Even in the dim light he could read the emotions on her face. You dont have to figure out everything out tonight. You just cant keep burying it.

Is that you think Im doing? She demanded.

Isnt it?

You dont understand, she turned away from his steady gaze. I dont even know my real name. Crossing to the door she flipped on the overhead light and blinked at the sudden brightness. I dont know who I am.

Youre still the same person you were last week, he countered and could see she didnt believe him. A name doesnt define who you are. You define yourself.

You just dont understand.

Jason felt frustrated, even a little angry and moved after her to get her attention. I woke up one day with no memory, just a bunch of loud people telling me my name was Jason Quartermaine. I was studying to be a doctor, I was the most perfect son, perfect grandson, perfect brother, boyfriend, he sighed bitterly. But that wasnt who I was. The name Jason Quartermaine didnt define who I was. The labels they tried to stick me with didnt define me. I defined who I was. I even named myself. I took Morgan originally because I hated the to be labeled a Quartermaine and Morgan was his middle name. I decided that whatever I did with my name would be my choice. The Quartermaines wanted me to keep their name, like if I used his name enough I would suddenly be him. I could have kept his name I guess, it still wouldnt have changed the man I became.

I didnt know that. Elizabeth felt bad that she made him relive a time in his life he didnt even like to remember.

I didnt tell you to make you feel bad. He touched her face hoping to wipe the guilt away. I told you because it doesnt matter what you call yourself its what you do with your name that matters.

Infuriated more with herself than him she threw her hands up and walked away. Do you have any idea how frustrating you are to argue with?

Ive heard that before.

His sly grin and comment caught her off-guard and the smile she offered in return was genuine. Taking the initiative was hard but she crossed back to him and tentatively touched his hand. Thank you.

I dont want your thanks.

When his eyes met hers his shield dropped and she could see emotion swirling in his normally clear eyes. I know, she whispered. But its all I can offer right now.

Now. He decided to focus on that word and nodded. The hint of the promise of later was enough for him.

The shrill ring of the phone interrupted the moment, startled Elizabeth dropped his hand and took a small step back but made no move to answer the phone. She already knew who was calling, her conscience was screaming Luckys name in her mind. When her machine clicked on Luckys angry voice entered the studio demanding to know where she was and why she was leaving him alone with Emilys mistake of a boyfriend.

She tried to tune him out but felt compelled to move away from Jason as if Lucky could see where she was standing. The message clicked off the same time she found herself in front of the tiny mirror that hung over the sink. God.

Whats wrong?

I look like hell. Elizabeth tried to rub the smeared makeup from her face. Why didnt you tell me I looked like a raccoon?

I like raccoons.

It took a minute for his words to penetrate but when they did she couldnt help but laugh. I need to get going. She kept her focus on what she was doing unable to meet his eye.

I know.

I dont want to go, she whispered.

I know that too. Jasons reply was rough. Reminding himself not to push, that Luckys next move would be to storm the studio looking for her, he forced himself to move away from her. If Lucky showed up and started mistreating her again he wasnt sure he would be able to stop himself from interfering. Hopefully this would all be over by tomorrow night, but until then he needed to keep out of sight of everyone. The blinking red light on her answering machine distracted and reminded him of something at the same time. Theres something you need to hear.

What?

Sarah called and left you a message. He informed her with his trademark bluntness and realized that might have been a mistake when the brush she was holding clattered into the sink.

W-what do you mean she called? She could hear the how weak her voice sounded but couldnt seem to firm it.

She called yesterday, his tone softened when he saw her shift into a protective stance. Do you want to hear it?

What did she say?

Play it, he challenged.

I need to go, she hedged.

Its just a message, he pressed. Why are you afraid to hear it?

She wanted to run. She wanted to flee. She never wanted to hear the message. She wasnt strong enough to hear her sisters disappointment in not being there. She had no doubt Sarah would be angry over her absence. And in spite of what shed found out she couldnt help but think of Sarah as her sister.

Jason knew she wanted to flee and knew if she did shed hate herself later. He could take the choice out of her hand and just hit the play button but he didnt, he merely watched her and waited while she fought with herself.

Play it. She ordered suddenly and he obliged.

"Liz its Sarah. I know you're probably surprised to hear from me, but I really need to talk to you. Actually I would really like to see you. I know we've never been real close, and that's probably mostly my fault, but I've had a lot of time to think while laying here in this bed, and it's sort of changed my perspective. We were starting to get closer before I left Port Charles, and I was hoping that you might want to work on that again. I'd like to see you. I'd really like to see you before my surgery, but if you can't make it, I understand. Hopefully we can get together after the surgery. I know things are strained with mom and dad right now, but maybe I can swing it so you don't even have to see them. I'd really like to see you Lizzie, sorry old habits, I'd like to see you Liz. Please think about it. Either way I love you. Bye."

By the time Sarahs voice clicked off Elizabeth was at the window her rigid back to him and the words on the tape. Recognizing her defensive posture he deleted Luckys message before it even started then joined her at the window.

She didnt sound mad. I wonder why.

Realizing the question was more rhetorical than anything else Jason remained quiet.

I expected her to call me Lizzie and yell at me for acting like a brat by not being there. I expected her to be disappointed in me for not being there the way Gram is, but shes not. She couldnt keep the surprise of confusion out of her voice. Why isnt she?

This time it was a question that demanded an answer. Maybe shes changed. Leukemia, a bone marrow transplant, those are some serious things shes facing. Her perspectives probably changed, what was once important doesnt mean a damn, while some things that were never that important suddenly become vital.

Elizabeth thought about his words for a long time, turning them over and over in her mind trying to find a fault but couldnt. Going on instinct she turned and moved into him, she knew her action caught him off-guard but his arms soon closed around her in a hug.

You told me earlier that one of the reasons you liked me was because I never made you feel stupid and I told you that I couldnt because I came to you for advice. I want you to know I really meant that.

Her words warmed him almost as much as her spontaneous hug. Too soon for his liking she pulled back. What are you going to do?

About Sarah? She stalled then shrugged. I dont know.

I only know Sarah from the times youve mentioned her but I saw how you felt when you found out she was sick. You care about her, that doesnt have to change, not unless you want it too.

Stepping back even further she studied his face. You think I should go see her.

Jason started to shrug then answered. Yes I do, but its not my choice to make. Its yours.

~Kellys~

I know I made you promise before but I wanted to remind you of that promise. Emily straightened the collar of Zanders shirt. The night will go a lot better if you dont fight with Lucky.

I dont think Im the one you need to be telling not to fight, Zander countered and put the collar back the way he liked it.

Zander.

Emily, he mimicked her tone. Five will get you ten that Lucky wont hear anything anyone says unless he wants to.

Thats not true, her defense was automatic.

Yes it is and something else is true. Even if I dont say a word all night Lucky will still pick a fight with me, Zander grumped already dreading the night.

Again Emily instinctively sought to deny his claim then realized she couldnt. Most of the disagreements between Lucky and Zander had started with Lucky. Her stomach began to pitch. This evening wasnt a good idea.

Elizabeth will be right down. Lucky announced as he tromped down the stairs. Emily you look beautiful.

Emily beamed at the compliment.

Yeah its a good thing she isnt in the running for the Face of Deception, she would be difficult to beat, Zander praised his girlfriend.

What do you mean by that? Lucky turned angrily on Zander.

Elizabeth you look great. Desperate to stop a fight Emily used the distraction Elizabeths arrival provided.

Thanks so do you. Her smile was as genuine as her words. When she saw the pleading look in Emilys eyes she forced herself to cross to Lucky. Are we ready to go?

Lucky slid a proprietary arm around her waist and focused on Zander. Heres the beautiful, perfect woman who will be the next Face.

Emily gripped Zanders arm to keep him quiet. Her eyes met Elizabeths and they shared the same thought. It was going to be a long night.

~Studio~

Cold Chinese food wasnt all it was cracked up to be. Hed never been picky about what he ate. When hed lived in the boxcar he would eat cold spaghetti out of a can, but faced with the idea of eating Chinese for the second time in one day his stomach rebelled. He was starting to believe that some of Sonnys food snobbery was rubbing off of him.

Putting the half full carton on the floor Jason leaned back against the couch. He couldnt help but remember the last time hed been in this position, when Elizabeth had been curled up next to him. Hed never thought hed fall asleep but her breathing and the comfort hed felt lulled him. Sleeping next to her was something he wasnt going to forget.

Shaking off the memory he got up and moved to the window. She was out in the night somewhere probably eating dinner with Emily and the others. At least he hoped she was eating. He knew Emily would try to keep the peace between Lucky and Zander, he only hoped that Emily had listened to Zander when he pointed out some truths about Elizabeth and Luckys relationship. If shed heard him Emily could be the friend Elizabeth so desperately needed.

He was coming to believe that Elizabeth needed to tell someone else about what she had discovered about the Webbers. She needed to keep talking about it, she wasnt going to be able to handle things if she kept trying to bottle everything up. Judging from how strained things were between her and Lucky, Emily was the only person he could see her confiding in. His focus shifted to the night and the snowflakes that were gently falling. Elizabeth needed someone else to talk to. He couldnt and didnt want to be the only one she confided in, hopefully Emily could be someone who could help her.

~Harborview~

Sonny stood at the window and watched the snow begin to fall. So far the night had been a good one. He hadnt retreated so far into his mind that he wasnt aware of things. Hopefully he wouldnt do that at all tonight.

Carly remained where she was on the stairs and studied her husband. How could she convince him that he could confide in her? How could she make him let her in? She knew he was in pain, that hed been in pain since the shooting, and all she wanted to do was help him. She wasnt stupid she knew hed only mentioned the church wedding to distract her. Shed gone along with it, even embraced it because it was something she had wanted for a long time, but that didnt blind her to his pain, or the real reason behind it.

He was planning something that much was clear, and whatever it was worried him. She wished, not for the first time, that she could reach Jason. He would be able to get the truth from Sonny and help him at the same time. Now, however, even if she reached Jason it would be too late. Whatever Sonny was planning was happening soon, perhaps even tomorrow. And whatever his plan was it could go horribly wrong, his actions with her and Michael tonight convinced her of that.

She wished she could find the magic words that would convince him to confide in her. She wished she could find the right argument to convince him to leave town with her and Michael tonight. But if shed learned anything in her life, it was wishes didnt mean a damn thing. She was going to have to take action. She was going to be there for her husband, whether he liked it or not. Decision made she moved the rest of the way down the stairs, crossed to him and took the glass from his hand. Come to bed.

Carly, he tried to resist the pull, the desire that flared in him when he saw the look in her eyes. I have some work to do.

Not tonight. Stepping closer she ran her hands slowly up his shirt. Tonight youre mine.

Tonight. Her choice of words killed the desire for a second. She was right tonight he was hers and in the end tonight might be all that they had. He was too selfish to deny himself much. How could he deny her, himself, of what could be their last night together? He couldnt. Twisting he caught her mouth in a kiss, when she tugged on his hips trying to get him to move for the stairs he resisted and instead pulled her to the floor in front of the window. Tonight would be theirs.

~Harborview Penthouse 2~

Emily Quartermaine was furious. She couldnt remember the last time shed felt so angry, or such a strong sense of betrayal. When her Grandfather had turned Zander in shed felt anger, but the keen edge of betrayal she was feeling now, was absent. She was used to Edward and his tricks so it didnt surprise her when hed called the cops. It infuriated her, but didnt really surprise her.

Lucky had surprised her tonight and along with that surprise came this bitter feeling of betrayal. Shed never thought shed buried her head in the sand when it came to her friends but now she was forced to admit she had. Ever since Zanders observations about Lucky and more importantly Lucky and Elizabeths relationship, her blinders had been removed. Her head was out of the sand and what she saw was making her sad and angry.

All through dinner Lucky had gone on and on about his new job and what that meant for him, what it would mean when Elizabeth was named the face. He never noticed or maybe didnt want to notice that the more he talked about it the paler Elizabeth got. How could he not see that Elizabeth didnt want to do this? Could he really have changed so much that he didnt realize he was making the woman he loved miserable?

Ever the peacemaker shed tried to head Lucky off, even going so far as to order Zander to pick a fight. If he was surprised by her whispered command he didnt show it, the only expression he did show was one of unholy glee when he realized she wasnt going to get mad at him for fighting with Lucky. She jumped from her memories when she felt hands on her shoulders.

Take it easy, Zander tried to soothe her. Im just taking your coat.

Nodding Emily shrugged out of it then stepped closer to the window. She knew Zander wanted to help her. He knew she was upset and would listen if she chose to confide in him, but she couldnt, not yet. She still hadnt dealt with what shed discovered so there was no way she could explain it to him in a way that made sense.

As awful as dinner had been, with Lucky going on and on, and Elizabeth barely saying ten words in two hours, it was nothing compared to their drive to the Harborview. Lucky had wanted to go by and show them where Elizabeths test shots were being held in two days. Maybe she should have realized when Elizabeth recoiled in her seat at his words, but she was still trying to make herself believe that Lucky was merely having a bad night, that he hadnt really hadnt changed that much, but then she recognized the building he pointed out.

Horrified by the recognition her stomach began to roll. She looked to Elizabeth for guidance, or support, she wasnt sure, but when she saw the blank look in her friends eyes, and her colorless face she realized that Elizabeth had been expecting Luckys insensitivity. Lucky either didnt remember or didnt care that the studio he was rhapsodizing about was the one Elizabeths rapist had once held them hostage in.

Luckyd had the key and had wanted to show them what he had planned but she had pled illness and it was the truth, at the point she was feeling sick to her stomach. The rest of the drive she studied her oldest friend praying desperately to see some hint of the boy that had once stolen one of her familys antiques in order to pay off a gambling debt. But all she saw when she studied him was a stranger.

Can I help?

I wish you could. She whispered and leaned against him when his arms came around her waist. I cant tell you why Im so upset, its not my secret to tell. All I can say is Lucky really hurt Elizabeth tonight. Either he was deliberately cruel or thoughtlessly cruel and Im not sure which one is worse.

Hearing the pain in her voice Zander tightened his hold on her and wished she didnt feel quite so much. If she were more like him she wouldnt be hurt so often. Of course if she were more like him, he wouldnt be here desperately in love with her. Id say he hurt you too.

Emily couldnt help but nod and the tears began to fall. Zander turned her and held her while she cried. Her tears were for herself, for Elizabeth and finally for her oldest friend that she was beginning to fear had never come home.

~Kellys~

Wishing desperately for an aspirin or an axe to cut her head off Elizabeth mutely followed Lucky inside the closed diner. Even if shed wanted to speak she wasnt sure shed get a word in. Ever since theyd left Zander and Emily, Lucky had been going on and on about how wrong Zander was for Emily and his wonderment over how a smart girl like her could continually fall for losers like Juan and Zander.

Dont you agree? Lucky turned seeking reassurance.

Mind blank Elizabeth merely stared until she spied her salvation over his shoulder. Hi Tammy.

Elizabeth, Tammy smiled a greeting. How was dinner?

It was good, the Grille always has good food, relieved Elizabeth moved to the counter to continue their conversation. Although Im sure their chili cant compare to ours.

No way in hell, the frizzy-haired blonde agreed.

Elizabeth couldnt help but tense when Lucky joined her, it took all she had not to pull away when she felt his hand on her back. She didnt want to be touched. But how could she explain that to him?

Lucky I was meaning to ask you. What kind of chemicals will you be storing in the darkroom?

Darkroom? Elizabeth was drawn out of her uncomfortable feelings by the unexpected words.

Nothing too serious, Ill make sure things are stored properly, Lucky answered with a charming grin.

Make sure. Id hate for the second floor to explode during lunch.

Youre putting a darkroom in on the second floor? Elizabeths stomach began to clench. He wouldnt, even as she tried to deny she forced herself to ask the question. Where?

In his room, Tammy explained. I relaxed the rules on cohabitation so the two of you can move in together, Lucky will use his old room for the darkroom.

Elizabeth heard nothing after the words moving in together. How could he have discussed this with Tammy? Made arrangements with Tammy before even mentioning it to her? She knew what he was thinking thanks to the conversation shed overheard between him and Sonny, but how could he have moved from conversation to action without talking to her? Was he just going to move in one day while she was at her studio and expect her to go along with it? He probably did, after all shed gone along with everything else he wanted.

It was easier to go along with Lucky. Whenever she tried to say no hed look hurt and guilt her into changing her mind. Since shed almost always given in it had become easier to not even say no. Wasnt easy what she wanted? Especially now? With everything going on with the Webbers it would be so much easier if she didnt rock the boat with Lucky. After all she could never tell him No.

Was it a surprise that he didnt even hear her? Tammy did, shed turned to look but Lucky kept on talking.

No, she said it again, louder this time.

No what sweetie? Tammy asked.

No Lucky wont be moving in with me, Elizabeth kept her focus on Tammy and got a bonus when Lucky dropped his hand from her back at her words. If he wants to put in a darkroom, hell have to share the same space with it, because my room is going to remain mine alone.

Elizabeth.

Ignoring his stunned expression Elizabeth got to her feet and headed for the stairs. Night Tammy.

Lucky could only watch her go. What had gotten into her? He knew he shouldve mentioned his plans to her. Hed planned on telling her, it wasnt his fault Tammy beat him to the punch, but that didnt give her the right to embarrass him like that in front of Tammy. Angry Lucky stalked up the stairs after her.

~New York City~

Jeff Webber looked out the hospital room window and watched the snowstorm rage. The second blast of snow had closed most of the city, Steven had finally convinced Audrey to go with him to the hotel. Theyd tried to convince him and Claire to leave for the night as well, but nothing would make Claire budge and he wasnt willing to leave Sarah either. He knew his focus should have been on his daughter but more and more his thoughts turned to the daughter he never thought he wanted. If he never wanted Elizabeth why was he feeling such a severe sense of loss now that she was gone?

I still cant believe you called her.

Claires accusation may have been quiet out of deference to a sleeping Sarah but that didnt lessen its impact or the unfamiliar sense of anger directed at his wife. He was never angry with Claire, he loved her with everything he had, but the last few days he found himself angry at her behavior. Dont start this again.

I wouldnt have to if youd snap out of this behavior. Your focus should be on your daughter not her, she pointed out the obvious.

You cant even say her name can you?

I dont need to say her name, Claire snapped loudly and darted a look at Sarah who remained asleep. How could you call Elizabeth and ask her to come back?

Sarah wanted to see her, he defended himself.

Sarah doesnt know what she wants. If she did she wouldnt be asking for Elizabeth.

It doesnt matter Claire shes not coming.

Its a good thing, she went on oblivious to his increasing anger. If she showed up Im sure shed throw a fit. I bet she will show up, probably at the worst moment, shes probably been waiting for this.

Infuriated Jeff turned on his wife. How the hell could she be waiting for something like this when I destroyed her a few nights ago when I told her she wasnt our child?

Dont start with your sudden feeling of guilt, Claire snapped. Youre guilt came about 20 years too late. You can regret buying Elizabeth all you want, but it wont change what you did.

I know what I did, he hissed.

How you thought that child could pass for a Webber, she shook her head. It doesnt matter, we dont have to pretend with her anymore.

Like you ever pretended, Jeff sniped. You made sure from the very first moment you knew the truth about Elizabeth that she knew she didnt measure up to your standards.

Like you ever loved her, Claire retorted furiously.

No, Jeff agreed. But Im beginning to realize that was my loss. Unable to stand being in the same room with his wife of over 20 years Jeff stormed from the room.

Claire sank weakly back in her chair. Jeff had no reason to be angry with her. She hadnt done anything wrong. Any guilt he may be feeling was because of his own actions. He should have never made her believe Elizabeth was their child. It was cruel what he did, it was cruel to let her pour all her love into Elizabeth, even going so far to name the child after her mother, when the child wasnt even hers. She realized shed disappointed him by the way shed reacted to discovering Elizabeth wasnt her child but she couldnt help that. Maybe it meant she was less of a woman, less of a mother, but she couldnt love a substitute child when her own was dead.

Not liking her unpleasant thoughts Claire walked out of the room and pulled her protective gown off. A walk around the hospital would clear her head. Shed be back in time for Sarah to get her next shot and by that time shed have put the uncomfortable scene with Jeff behind her.

Perhaps she would have felt different if shed looked back inside the room before walking away. If she had, she would have seen her daughter watching the door shed just walked out of.

~Kellys~
Elizabeth wasnt surprised when the door to her room was opened without a knock and then slammed loudly.

What the hell was that about? Lucky demanded.

I just spoke the truth, Elizabeth replied. You should try it.

I know I should have mentioned it to you, he conceded. But you didnt have to embarrass me like that.

No not mention, Elizabeth corrected. You should have asked me. If you had I would have saved you the embarrassment because I would have told you no in private.

Why are you saying no at all? We love each other this is the next step.

Its not the next step, she cried. Were not ready to live together especially not in such a small space.

Elizabeth youre not making sense, Lucky tried to hold his temper and sound reasonable. We love each other, well live together eventually why wait?

Were waiting because were not ready. Maybe well never be ready. She hadnt meant to say those final words but didnt regret them. She wondered if it was time to tell him she wasnt going to be a model. Before she could decide Luckys face turned red and he exploded in anger.

What the hell are you talking about? Lucky demanded. Youve been acting strange for weeks now and Im getting fed up with it.

Unbelievably weary the little voice telling her that she should just give in to Lucky was screaming in her head. Lucky if you want a darkroom so badly you can move in here, she watched the smile bloom on his face. Ill move into my studio. The smile died and a part of her was pleased. Crossing to the door she opened it. Its late Lucky.

We havent finished talking about this, Lucky retorted.

Yes we have. If you want a darkroom I move out, Elizabeth replied. Im tired. Its time for you to go.

Her order had been so unexpected hed obeyed before realizing it. Finding himself in the hall he turned to continue their conversation just in time to have the door closed in his face. That surprised him but what stunned him was when he heard the bolt slide home locking him out.

~Safe House~
Sorel studied the night and sipped his brandy. The snow had stopped a few minutes ago and that pleased him. There were a lot of things that needed to be done tonight before the meeting tomorrow. If everything went as planned by this time tomorrow night Sonny Corinthos would be dead. How long had he planned Sonnys death? Years? It was finally coming together, once Corinthos was dead hed find Jason Morgan and take care of him as well. Perhaps Morgan would even come to him out of some sense of misplaced loyalty to Sonny. It didnt matter whenever he found Morgan hed be taken care of. After they had been taken care of Zander Smith would be of no consequence and squashing him would be easy.

Hed had to make a few deals with people he didnt like. People like Carlos, but hed already made some contingency arrangements. Carlos would never make it back to Puerto Rico. Rick was another thorn in his side. The man would need to be dealt with. It was obvious he had no loyalty. A loose cannon like that couldnt be allowed to live. Tomorrow would come soon and for the first time in months he found himself longing for the dawn.

~Penthouse 4~

Sonny was at the window again, this time it was the window in his bedroom. The night still called to him, he supposed it always would. Carly was dozing in the bed yet he knew he could turn to her and she would hold him. The hours to dawn were getting shorter the day was almost on them, the day that could change everything.

He ran a hand over the still puckered and scarring skin of his still healing bullet wound. Things had changed weeks ago, this time it was his turn to change the rules. Even if he survived tomorrow it wouldnt change anything in the long run. There would always be another Sorel, there would always be guns and danger in his world.

How could he keep Carly and Michael in his life when the danger was always there? Could he really be so selfish that he was willing to risk their lives in order to keep them with him?

Sonny come to bed, Carly called groggily.

Turning he felt the familiar mixture of love and desire when he met her eyes. She called to him just by being there and he wasnt strong enough to fight that call tonight. Tomorrow would play out the way it would play, but he still had tonight and he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

~Limo~

Emily studied the night sky as the car maneuvered its way through the quiet snowy streets towards Kellys. Zander had been great, hed held her while she cried and hadnt pressed her for the reason for her tears. But as great as he had been she knew she had to talk to someone who understood how wrong Luckys behavior was.

Zander didnt know about the rape, he didnt know about Tom Baker and how hed once held them hostage in the studio. Elizabeth didnt discuss the rape with very many people so there was no way she could betray her secret. If she couldnt talk to Zander, that left her with either Elizabeth or Nikolas.

Elizabeth had seemed very fragile tonight. It was a word she didnt normally associate with her but tonight it certainly applied. She didnt want to unload her anger about Lucky on Elizabeth. So that left Nikolas. Tomorrow she was going to clue Nikolas in to some hard truths she was beginning to have about Lucky. Tomorrow she had to start being a good friend again to Elizabeth no matter who it hurt.

~Kellys~

Lucky was sprawled across the narrow bed and still fuming at Elizabeth and her inexplicable behavior. He was so used to her acquiescing to him and what he wanted her to do, the fact she hadnt surprised him. He didnt think it was unreasonable to want to live together. They loved each other, eventually they would get married, why shouldnt they start their lives together now?

Tomorrow hed convince her that moving in together would be the best thing for both of them. He was confidant he could convince her, she just needed some reassurance. He could reassure her about it, just like he reassured her about her modeling. She needed him in her life as much as he needed her, tomorrow hed remind her of that.

~Warehouse~

Rick finally reached the window hed left open on the second floor and shinnied inside the darkened building. For a moment he remained there leaning against the wall waiting for the burning in his arms to fade. He could have picked an easier way to sneak inside the warehouse, but with what he was carrying he knew he had to be doubly careful. That meant taking the hardest route possible. His military experience came in handy as he climbed the knotted rope up the backside of the warehouse. Entering from the waterside insured he was safe from prying eyes in case Sonny had someone watching the building.

Pulling the first bomb from his backpack Rick got to his feet and made his way to the spot hed picked to plant it. He had three bombs in his bag, which should be enough to take out the warehouse and everyone in it. Once they were dead hed get his money from Sorel. He expected Sorel to try to double cross him when it came time for payment but he hadnt lived as long as he has without knowing how to make plans. Sorel would find he wasnt a person to try to double cross. Tomorrow everything would change, tomorrow hed be a rich man.

~Studio~

Yawning Jason finally moved from the window and his observation of the darkened warehouse. He needed to get some sleep, he needed to be in top form tomorrow. Sonnys life was depending on it, and so was his. If everything went they way they planned tomorrow hed be able to leave the studio. Part of him dreaded it, he liked being in close proximity to Elizabeth. He only hoped that wouldnt change even if he wasnt staying in the studio. Jason stretched out on the couch and caught a whiff of her scent that still clung to the pillow. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day for her. He would need to be there for her as best he could. Closing his eyes he willed himself to sleep.

~Kellys~

Tossing and turning seemed to be a new thing for her, and Elizabeth wasnt happy to be doing it again. She was tired, so tired she could barely keep her eyes open and yet she couldnt fall asleep. Her mind refused to calm down, it kept racing from one topic to another.

Should she see Sarah? Should she tell Lucky about not wanting to be a model? What about the Webbers? Her Gram? What were her feelings for Lucky? What were her feelings for Jason?

There were so many problems in her life, and they constantly weighed on her. She had managed to solve one problem, shed told Lucky they wouldnt be living together. Lucky would keep trying to change her mind but she wasnt going to. She could barely stand to be touched, there was no way she could share a bed with Lucky. Her mind reminded her of how easy shed slept beside Jason and she ignored the information.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day for a lot of reasons. It was time for her to start taking control of her life again, or at least some part of it. Her last thought of the night was the most unsettling of all. Tomorrow was Valentines Day and she had the uneasy feeling that her life was going to be changed once again.